Happy Thanksgiving + A warning! (658 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.7 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Anthony Locascio (View user info) at 2008-11-27 17:57:55 EST
This post it simply to wish all Uberers a Happy Thanksgiving, and to give you a minor holiday warning that you should heed.
When I was 16, I worked at Winn-Dixie. Winn-Dixie is, by all accounts, the worst supermarket ever conceived of. I think it's supposed to cater to the "south", in a sort of way that you don't really see anywhere else. By that, I mean that if you need to buy chicken necks or backs to fry up, you don't go to Publix, you don't go to Safeway or Kroger's, you go to Winn Dixie. If you need beef tripe, you go to Winn-Dixie. Winn-Dixie was the only store that had a meat department that had more white in it than red, if you get my meaning. If you were poor and black, you probably shopped at Winn Dixie because the store brands there were so filthy dirt cheap, and they seemed to populate black neigborhoods for some reason. I remember some financial magazine I was reading once ripped the hell out of them because their "Thrifty Maid" brand of products was such crap. When a hurricane was threatening the area one year and the bottled water sold out, we put out the Thrifty made punch and orange drink. Not one of them sold. Even 100+ mph sustained winds could not get people to buy that swill.
I worked at Winn Dixie for two years, and during my second year, I was called upon to stock shelves the day before Thanksgiving. There is, apparently, a large segment of the population that wakes up on Thanksgiving morning completely unaware that a huge meal is traditionally served on this day, and discovers it anew each year. These folks race to the only supermarket that is suck enough to be open on Thanksgiving, Winn Dixie, and clean the place down to the bone. As we unloaded, one of the guys, a greasy little bastard named Pete, was as usual trading insults with everyone else in the crew. You know that one little punk kid that you knew growing up who would get away with taunting and insulting the big kids because no one thought it was worth it to punch him in the face? Well this was the kid. Later on in my career at Winn Dixie, I would kick his ass in the back room when he called my girlfriend a whore, but that's another story.
Anyway, he's throwing insults at everyone, calling me a WOP, doing "your mom" jokes, etc, when the assistant manager comes around the corner. An assistant manager at Winn Dixie is either a younger guy who is just trying to get his college degree and escape into a professional, less demeaning job, or an older guy who somehow never achieved that escape velocity and at age 55 can't give up the lavish salary of $31k a year. Our guy was the latter, I think his name was Carl. Carl had the most foul mouth I've ever heard and was happy to tell you to get your dumb fucking ass back to work. He hears Pete goldbricking and tells him to "get his greaseball ass back to work". I give you my solemn word, this happened. Pete's reply was to drop his pants and moon Carl. Without so much as missing a beat, Carl took a turkey baster off of what we call a "j-hook", which are those little hooks that hold unrelated items along the aisles. To our roaring laughter, he jabs it right into Pete's ass. Pete starts cursing, and stumbling away, we're all laughing our asses off and cheering. Then I notice.....Carl PUT THE BASTER ON THE SHELF AGAIN.
Nobody else seemed to notice, they were cracking up laughing. I did notice, however, that when I came into the store on Friday, the basters were all gone.....someone bought it - a baster that had seen close contact with a young Greek kid's rear end, however incidental.
My message to you, friends, is to wash that baster if you've bought a new one this year. Then again, It is now almost 6:00pm EST, and you're probably sitting down to dinner or have already done so. In which case, this warning comes too late.
Oh well, Happy Thanksgiving.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-12-01 14:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was at the Piggly Wiggly (the only dirty-South grocery store worse than Winn Dixie, with the possible exception of Food Lion) on Edisto Beach on Thanksgiving day, stocking up on booze. The local black kids who make up the staff were none too happy to be working, and not at all hesitant to show it.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-12-01 01:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever happened to WUBR?
That was great!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-11-30 11:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-28 07:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Say whay you like about Winn-Dixie, those masterbasters do have a pretty good butcher shop.
Submitted by BigBuffty (user info) at 2008-11-28 06:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
jesus you are one sick bastard. why did you think i wanted to know what you redneck fags get up to? i'm sure you were roasted more than once in the staff-room by your colleagues, well done now go shove a greased up baster in your ass.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-28 04:13:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanksgiving Day is a harvest festival. Traditionally, it is a time to give thanks for the harvest and express gratitude in general. It is primarily a North American holiday which has generally become a national secular holiday with religious origins.
The date and location of the first Thanksgiving celebration is a topic of modest contention. Though the earliest attested Thanksgiving celebration was on September 8, 1565 in what is now Saint Augustine, Florida, the traditional "first Thanksgiving" is venerated as having occurred at the site of Plymouth Plantation, in 1621.
Today, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday of October in Canada and on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States. Thanksgiving dinner is held on this day, usually as a gathering of family members.
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uh??
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-11-27 23:47:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good thing i only eat melted snow and the souls of unbaptized virgins
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-11-27 21:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy turkey day!
*burp*
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-11-27 20:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-11-27 20:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Still looking for love in all the wrong places below, below.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-11-27 18:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Thanksgiving, Tony. Now I know why that turkey tasted so funny..... The fucking baster!!!
:D