My Pecker Would Not Work Today (Nothig Humourous) (829 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.32 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Registered_S_O (View user info) at 2008-12-03 12:04:52 EST
A girl that it attractive just left my house. We were cuddling, I was caressing her all over, she got wet. Suddenly she straddled me and started losing the cloths real fast. So did I.
I then rolled her over and prepared myself for some chaste missionary action. My pecker flopped around like a fish out of water. It just didn't respond. She was very understanding. She said we can be fuck friends and to call her when I want. God bless nurses.
I had fucked a girl last night. Moderately attractive as well. My erection had been very weak. I almost didn't make it, but I pulled through at the end.
This is what I find weird. Since the beginning of my sex life about 4 years ago, I have been like this. There are days I have been rock hard and was able to fuck as many as five times. I have jacked off 8 times in one day only a few months ago. It's like my libido has a cycle where some days it is as impressive as any pornstar's, and other days where it is on vacation. Usually I go months and months without a problem, but today when I found a new girl to be fuck friends with, this happens. Not a great start to our new found arrangement, but like I said, she was very understanding.
And sorry, I can't give back the 3 minutes of life anyone wasted reading this.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-12-07 08:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm... yeh there's something vaguely pathetic about prodding around a girl's crotch with a flaccid cock.
And when I say vaguely, I mean somewhat.
You could always do what I've done and argue that you only went home with her becuase you were incoherently drunk and that it would be a disservice to both of you to merely go through the motions when you are so desensitized that it would be mechanical and awkward, and that you don't find her particularly attractive anyway.
I didn't say that in so many words, of course, choosing instead to express those sentiments by vomiting over the stuffed lizard she kept near her bed.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:41:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ha ha
28 and never has that problem.
You are going to be crying in a few years prolly
Submitted by lburna_7 (user info) at 2008-12-04 01:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe his dick was so much bigger than yours that your dick was simply intimidated....I dont know, just my theory
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-12-03 22:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Excellent responses. Thanks all.
Assh0ly, it's creepy how you described yourself exactly how I would.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2008-12-03 19:37:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I want my thirty seconds back.
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I bet the girl he was with does too :D
Chin up, kiddo..
It happens, either that or it's your first step towards gaytown!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-03 19:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sure they're understanding to your face.
girls talk.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-12-03 18:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Then you die.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-03 16:38:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Three popsicle sticks and two rubber bands. Works every time.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-12-03 16:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
electro-shock therapy is the only cure.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-03 15:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i want to make fun of you but this happens to me too. i used to think i had ED due to bad circulation, dehydration, being out of shape...something. it turns out my dick works really well most of the time so im not worried when it happens anymore. it happened on sunday, actually, with my girlfriend. she is also understanding.
you know what's frustrating to me? i get SO MANY sneak attack boners throughout my day, to varying degrees of strength. i often waste champion boners because they happen in the middle of art class. and then when i want to fuck...
i've decided the answer is plenty of water. drink water before you are going to have sex. that has had a success rate of 100% for me.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-03 14:29:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This never happens to me. Even on a bad day, my penis is simply Olympian.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-12-03 14:22:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Have a good look at your diet and lifestyle. Try cut back (Im not saying you do any or all of these) on alcohol, smoking, drugs, caffine etc. Do some moderate exorsise, anything that helps your circulation. Eat well, drink plenty of water. Get enough sleep. Most importantly, try and relax. Take things slowly when you see this girl again. I think it might be worth having a chat to your doc, he can give you a good check up. Anything to put your mind at ease is good. Very common problem that most men will experiance some time in their life. Can be caused by many things, most are easily fixed, though can take time.
Oh yeah,as was said, ease up on the masturbation. A gun without bullets don't go bang.
Atta boy.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-03 13:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm. I'm guessing you're anywhere between 18 and 20 years old, maybe as old as 22. If you're already having issues with your dick, you need to go to a doctor and get that shit checked out. This is unacceptable.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-03 13:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I once had this problem,mainly because i was so nervous about meeting this hot nurse i drank myself silly before even going out. We went back to hers after a few beers, lush apartment and she undressed, my god she was gorgeous.
Little EI wasn't having any of this and she chucked me out, i walked down the street, my jeans fell down and all my money fell on the floor, so i started laughing hysterically and bought a hot dog
:)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-03 13:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You can't spell worth a shit or fuck.
You are fucked.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-12-03 13:30:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BigBuffty (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your little prick doesn't work because the nerve endings in your ass have taken such a beating. buy yourself a penis pump so you can pump the little thing up and try shove it up your ass. failing that you can go back to sticking coke bottles up there fag.
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If anybody here knows this, it would be you, Oathmeal.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Drugs and stress are the usual culprits.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:51:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nerves? First time with this girl?
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Eight times in one day?
No wonder you're having problems. Give it a rest for a day or so. Jesus.
Submitted by SensibleShoes (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ATTENTION GHEY MENZ!!!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:30:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
interesting
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe you had cauls cock in your head?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
didn't someone else post this same fucking thing just the other day?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Viagra works, but requires will.
That's the odd thing about it.
Submitted by Registered_S_O (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BigBuffty (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your little prick doesn't work because the nerve endings in your ass have taken such a beating. buy yourself a penis pump so you can pump the little thing up and try shove it up your ass. failing that you can go back to sticking coke bottles up there fag.
That was a delightful comment. Do you think it is true?
Submitted by BigBuffty (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your little prick doesn't work because the nerve endings in your ass have taken such a beating. buy yourself a penis pump so you can pump the little thing up and try shove it up your ass. failing that you can go back to sticking coke bottles up there fag.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're probably a repressed homo, ask FJ how to come to grips with this.
How did you know she was wet before you took her clothes off?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-12-03 12:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I want my thirty seconds back.