A Typical Day on the T... (987 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ally <AllyJeans.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-12-04 05:54:20 EST
A 13-year-old girl stood in front of my seat on a packed subway car and yelled over to her friend at the door.
"Oh my god, hi!"
"Awww! Hi!"
"Guess what!?!"
"What?"
"Todd gave me the key to his house"
"Todd?"
"The guy who sits behind you in World Cultures."
"Awwwww. He's awesome!"
"Yeah, I know!" The 13-year-old reached into her shirt and withdrew a lanyard wrapped around her neck. At the end was a pair of shiny keys.
"Awww!"
"Yeah. He just gave them to me. His parents are away for the weekend. He said, 'you can just give it back to me tomorrow or whatever.' Can you believe it! We weren't even going together before this."
"That's so cool!"
"I know! Wait...I forget your name?"
"Janey."
"Right, sorry. I'm Alex if you forgot..."
"I didn't."
"It's short for Alexia! Sometimes people call me Lexi or Bubbles."
Bubbles' hand grabbed the bar next to my head. A crude star (in blue ink) was drawn on the back.
"Anyway, yeah, so, I didn't even tell you the best part!"
"Awww. What!?!"
"When school ended today he walked up to me and was like, "Do you want to go to Semi?!"
"Awwww!"
"And I was like, sure I'd love to go to Semi!"
"Wow, Semi!"
"I'm so excited! I'm going to Semi with Todd!!"
"Oh crap!"
"What?"
"I didn't even tell you how we started talking."
"How?"
"Well, I tore my shirt one day and every time I got bored I'd tear a little more. I figured, what the heck, it's ruined anyway."
"Yeah, sure"
"So I did this like forever, then I tore it on the other side so it would match. By the end of school it was all the way up to here." She pointed at her armpits and giggled. "So, anyway, it was barely hanging on and we were all waiting on the subway platform when this creep ran by and tugged it so it completely ripped off!"
"No way!"
"Yeah! So Todd was there, and he saw this so he put his arm around my shoulders to protect me."
"He protected you! Awww! That's so sweet!"
"Yeah! He's always doing stuff like that!"
"Wow!"
"He even...
I coughed politely
Bubbles paused and gave me a look.
I shook my head. "Not for nothing, but he's probably just making a play at your yum yum.
Bubbles' eyes widened. Everyone else within earshot pretended to be deaf. "Are you talking to me?"
"Five bucks says that the next time you guys are alone, he'll try to protect your vagina by sticking his dick in it."
Looking slightly flustered "We're having a private conversation."
"Sorry but I've been there. First he puts an arm around your shoulders, then he'll turn down the lights and play some Dave Matthews...I guess today's equivalent would be the Jonas Brothers. Or maybe Timberlake. "
"We're getting off on the next stop..so"
"Did you know their saxophonist died? I lost my cherry during one of his solos."
An older man sitting to my right: "You really shouldn't..."
I ignored him "What a sad day that was...when he died, I mean. I lit a candle."
Bubbles was now drifting toward her acquaintance/friend making faces express how insane I was.
As we approached the stop, I yelled. "Whatever you do, don't go all Juno after he knocks you up. You kill that baby!" I turned back to the older gentleman. "I was 12 and I kept mine. He's 15 now." I sighed. "He must think I'm an asshole or something. He jerks off with my Victoria Secret and wipes his hand on the cover.
"Who needs that shit, right?"
Bubbles and Janey left in giggles and I unruffled my copy of the Metro. "Pfft. No one needs that.
"Fuckin' shit."
User Reviews
Submitted by Desidiosuss (user info) at 2008-12-10 23:38:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the reason I Uber.
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2008-12-09 03:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-12-07 04:06:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by angrydrunk86 (user info) at 2008-12-07 00:28:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you always have the best experiences on public transportation. my favorite is the jesus freak, "good morning, Jesus loves you my brohter". then they tell you of there life before jesus ussually how they were crack whores now its jesus this jesus that. why do all the failures of life cling to jesus when there so close to the end even if they've been a sespool of sin there entire life. Jews am i right.
let me get an AMEN!!!!!!
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2008-12-07 00:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-12-06 17:38:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heart AllyJeans.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2008-12-06 13:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd love to play with your yum yum
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-12-05 07:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
he's probably just making a play at your yum yum
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-12-04 16:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love being the Crazy ol' lady too. Something just takes you over and you have to say whats on your mind..ehh you WERE just trying to help her.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-12-04 16:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by Dimenhydrinate (user info) at 2008-12-04 16:08:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just spewed my seed all over my dog.
Nice hand.
Thank you.
Submitted by Dimenhydrinate (user info) at 2008-12-04 16:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I just spewed my seed all over my dog's back.
Nice hand.
Thank you.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-12-04 15:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
super
Submitted by Plus2 (user info) at 2008-12-04 14:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've fancied you ever since I read that thing about the banana-willy.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-04 13:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-12-04 12:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
just read the reviews.. not the green line :(
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-12-04 12:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
greenline i bet
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-12-04 11:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brava
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:49:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've fancied you ever since I read that thing about the banana-willy.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:41:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kovalevmk (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ally, did you ever play a game called TA?
=================
Never heard of it.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
noise.
Submitted by kovalevmk (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ally, did you ever play a game called TA?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 09:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-04 07:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...
I was in a bus crash on Wednesday, Driver went into a tree. It was quite surreal. Some people were abit hurt. just a few bloody noses. I just walked off the bus, had a smoke and jumped on the next one that came by.
-----
In America it is highly likely that, nosebleeds or no, every single passenger on that bus would be suing the driver, the company that operates the busses, and the city that bought them for just stupid amounts of money.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2008-12-04 09:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-04 09:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that poor kid is gonig to have heart attack before she is 20.
the one in the picture.
jesus.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ally out of respect for your track record you'll ALWAYS get +2's from me!
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:47:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to guess the orange line, these sound like some Jamacia Plain peoples.
========================================
Nope, red line outbound. They departed at Quincy Center the little darlings.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:04:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ally's lowest rated post ever?
hmmmmmmm Alterriffic
==================
Sometimes you pull the pin and the grenade doesn't go off. I'll grow from this experience and hopefully become a better person.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to guess the orange line, these sound like some Jamacia Plain peoples.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:24:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
holy I've taken over the Ally account...
neener neener.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:18:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I had no self control I would have lol-ed
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
who's the alter, Sarge? Anybody who rated this less than a 1 has been here for years.
I just DID NOT READ THIS because I was distracted by that giant hand.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-12-04 08:04:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ally's lowest rated post ever?
hmmmmmmm Alterriffic
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-12-04 07:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. It reminds me of the time I had a discussion with two 14 year old Wigger boys about their trousers.
See, both boys had trousers on that were 10 sizes too big for them and impeded their movement. I began asking various questions.
First they tried to ignore me but after a few minutes, it became obvious to them that I wasn't going to go away. They had that uncomfortable facial expression that people get when talking to a crazy person. Finally they just made a break for it and scooted off.
Old age has its priviledges.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-04 07:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 06:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It is the possibility of having to listen to conversations like that which keeps me off public transportation
---
I was in a bus crash on Wednesday, Driver went into a tree. It was quite surreal. Some people were abit hurt. just a few bloody noses. I just walked off the bus, had a smoke and jumped on the next one that came by.
I feel now that it was selfish of me.
Whatever, public transportation sucks. I hate everything about it. Why is it always the smelly people that sit next to you? Or when you're dying to pee and it stops at every single busstop.
and then there's the indian girl who sits behind you and chews her gum open mouthed so all you smell is mint flavoured curry, and the smacking noise of her chewing makes you realise that maybe you ARE capable of killing someone without remorse.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-12-04 07:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 06:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It is the possibility of having to listen to conversations like that which keeps me off public transportation.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-04 06:49:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm quite drunk. i liked it.
quite.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2008-12-04 06:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-12-04 06:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for freaky thick wrist
-1 for a symbol I'm pretty sure is being used for witchcraft
==================================
Haha, wow, tough room this AM. I'll have to be more careful with my picture selection in the future.
Anyway, forgot to add this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSUJwQSiAGc
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-12-04 06:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for freaky thick wrist
-1 for a symbol I'm pretty sure is being used for witchcraft
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-04 06:06:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that hand contains more fat than jgreening's entire body.