Worst thing I've ever read (411 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I'm disgusted! (View user info) at 2008-12-04 10:05:04 EST
"Okay, scale of one to ten."
"On how badly we're screwed? " asked David .
"Yeah. "
"One being we're getting head and ten being we're getting anally raped? "
"Sure. "
"Twenty- seven, " answered David.
"Fuck, " replied Grant. "I was gonna say twenty- three. "
"Always the optimist. "
"Like, since when? "
"Oh, I dunno. I was hoping you had gained a more sunny disposition ever since the floor started to flip about like a fucking snake under us," David returned with.
Indeed, the entire hallway had begun to undulate. The very laws of physics no longer seemed to be in effect and wood along with plaster bent and curved at unnatural proportions. The floor and walls rolled and bulged, the beige carpet continuing to lie flat upon the ground, the few scant photos curving with their backs. The two lights on the ceiling had begun to flicker and now took on a strobing effect.
"And me without my glows ticks, " quipped Grant .
"Shut up. I can't stay on my feet long enough to concentrate to even, shit! "
Grant grabbed his friend as he almost toppled over.
"This is fucked. It really is like a snake, trying to swallow us or some shit, " said Grant.
Just then at the far end of the hall, where Samantha's father's door had once been only seconds ago, a black void gaped open. The room opened now into nothingness, the frame splintering into jagged, fanged teeth. It began chomping down in a most menacing manner, the floor rolling them towards the orifice.
"You had to open your mouth, " admonished David.
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-12-04 20:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I know what it is, Simon. It's a quote from your new book; "The Fat Douchebag's Guide to Online Crossdressing".
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-12-04 11:44:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, it's k-k today? You seem to be struggling here. Let me see if I have your formula right:
generic cock/anal/gay joke + first reactive comment from target(user) = post dedicated to said target, written to appeal to lowest common denominator.
If squattail had a low-functioning autistic brother...
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-04 11:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus Christ -Bret or Simon- go get a girlfriend.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Raper (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but I can only write nonfiction well (see some of my earlier posts). If I did write fiction, however, it would be pointless to post it here since the only things written here that get any sort of attention are juvenile comedy stories full of wacky zany humor that's a few steps above slipping on banana peels, and long boring posts about people who killed themselves or lived a long, hard life working on the railroads.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 15:43:40 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Perhaps you will. Tell you what: why don't you invest a couple minutes and crush the talentless self-publishing hacks on the MVA with a piece of brilliant literature of your own devising? That will certainly put them in their place. Write an original short story and post it. I guarantee I'll +2 it. Thoughts?
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, sinking into nothingness and the guy can only bring himself to admonish his friend.
I'd use more saids.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Perhaps you will. Tell you what: why don't you invest a couple minutes and crush the talentless self-publishing hacks on the MVA with a piece of brilliant literature of your own devising? That will certainly put them in their place. Write an original short story and post it. I guarantee I'll +2 it. Thoughts?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:43:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Raper (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think you're anyone. Not Kaos, not Jack, not Method, not Oathmeal, not anyone. Not anyone at all.
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Ouch, that hurt! Maybe someday if I work hard and keep "publishing" I'll be a Somebody like the fruits in the Most Viewed Authors list.
Submitted by The_Raper (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is fucking terrible. not even spelt correctly, and the grammar. don't start on the grammar.
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The dialogue is supposed to sound naturalistic, but since it was written by a moron it became, well... this.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think you're anyone. Not Kaos, not Jack, not Method, not Oathmeal, not anyone. Not anyone at all.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is fucking terrible. not even spelt correctly, and the grammar. don't start on the grammar.
Submitted by The_Raper (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:24:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey scrap metal I don't know who you think I am, but I'm not him. It's kinda funny how you and others insist that I'm this or that guy, but it's also kinda sad. Do you really think that you guys are so special that it's not possible for someone who isn't a designated Bad Guy so dislike you and the superstars you fellate?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think this is any good.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:16:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It's from a Kaos post promoting his book, and you can shove your prize up your ass far enough to fill the void where your brain should be.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:15:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Look, why don't you just let Kaos fuck your mouth and get it overwith? You're pathetic with your 4th-grade punch-on-the-arm-means-you-like-him crap.
Submitted by The_Raper (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Whoever figures out where this is from gets a prize.
Submitted by Blackberry (user info) at 2008-12-04 10:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
JUNIOR CHEMISTS FTW!