Jesus, My Best Friend (572 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.63 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Majul Cartoons (View user info) at 2008-12-12 06:15:07 EST
I found Jesus, fuckmouth! That's right..., Come find Jesus with me. For a number of years I thought Jesus was a made up person like Dick Cheney... but now I know... he spoke to me as I lay on a grassy knoll looking at cloud-shapes. I suddenly felt Jesus all around me. I felt his warm specter penetrate me.
That's right, I shut my eyes and pictured him walk through my bedroom door, my lips quivering in excitement as his burley arms held me back.
Let me tell you about my best friend, Jesus. He was born 2000 years ago, just like earth was created 6000 years ago... You remember those days, when we rode dinosaurs and had ape slaves... Anyways, I used to be a dirty Godless, un-American like all of you, but then I found a way to abandon all logic and reason. I got really drunk and read the bible.
Now, I know some of you "Hell-Bound Heretics" have doubt about my best friend and his sweet, supple and tasty salvation, so here I am to address all your stupid doubt...
Earth is 6000 years old... Yes, get over it, have you been to the creation museum? No? Well, fuck you, I'll just make shit up and claim its fact.
If God wrote the bible, wouldn't he be clearer as to the interpretation? Yeah, he was, shitmouth... God is a fucking wordsmith, when he says "don't work on a Sunday or you get killed"... he fucking means it. God created earth in 6 days and the least you can do is not work on Sunday. I don't give a shit if you're a doctor or a whore... do what the bible says cause that's what it says.
Why does God allow bad things to happen? Fuck you, if God wants to drop napalm on Vietnamese babies, who are you to question that?
Does Christianity hold the absolute truth? Does Donald Rumsfeld shit in the woods? Christianity is the absolute truth and if you think otherwise, you're wrong.
So, fuck you; Jews, Muslims, Buddhist and Sciencetologists; I'm sure you've managed to convince yourself you hold the absolute truth just as I did, the difference is, you're wrong...
Don't try and argue, accept God as your greatest overlord based on no evidence or scientific proof, just a 2000 year old book written by over 40 geniuses... If you had any doubt, I just made you a Christian, death won't seem so bad.
Watch my cartoon here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jamkN3aydpA
***PLEASE NOTE -- This has been designed as a full 20min episode and NOT as an amusing 2 minute Internet antidote. Watching only for 2 minutes will cause serious brain hemorrhaging, recurring hallucinations of Miley Cyrus and possible impotence. Also, please ensure you are heavily intoxicated or paralyzed by some sort of fish tranquilizer. You will NOT waste your time. Please enjoy...
Go read some of my other posts.... if you still don't think im an idiot..... if you do think im an idiot - go fuck yourself.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=397296619
User Reviews
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-22 06:25:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-13 08:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Locksly,
I jerk off in a corner and wait for you to get lunch
Your pal,
Majul
--------------
Seriously man, you're just wierd. Either listen to the voices and slit your limp wrists already or seek professional help. or just don't be a faggot, either way.
By the way, if I'm ever on the Gold Coast I will beat the fuck through you until you cry like a fucking bitch. when I'm old enough to travel on my own that is.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-13 08:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-13 07:15:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear Majul,
I enjoy your posts wholeheartedly, in fact, most days I just sit aimlessly staring at snuff pics of my mum. I jerk off in a corner and wait for you to post... maybe we could, you know, one day get together and get lunch or something?
What do you say?
Your pal,
Locksly
--------------
Thanks, but no, stop sending me pic of yourself, i'm flattered, but not gay... not that there's anything wrong with that.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-13 07:15:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 21:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear shitcock,
Don't copy or rearrange any of my writing into gay templates.
I won't touch your manly mum as i don't find fat gay men attractive.
___________________
You need to change your adult friend finder profile then
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 22:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-12 22:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
-----------
Fuck off, assmouth,
If you can't slap your dads cock on the keyboard hard enough to leave a comment, then just quietly jerk him off in a corner and leave me alone
Go kill your mum
Moron
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-12 22:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 21:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-12 21:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear moron,
go suck your man lover's dick while watching gay porn. while i drink skotch and work on my next post.
With love
Doodles
P.S. go fuck your mom
------------------
Dear shitcock,
Don't copy or rearrange any of my writing into gay templates.
I won't touch your manly mum as i don't find fat gay men attractive.
Suck your own dick
Retard
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-12 21:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear moron,
go suck your man lover's dick while watching gay porn. while i drink skotch and work on my next post.
With love
Doodles
P.S. go fuck your mom
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 21:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-12 15:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you are less funny that sicosemen. And he is so unfunny that I refuse to watch good comedy films on the television at the same time as looking at his latest posting on Uber for fear of sucking the funny out of whatever I'm watching. He's that unfunny.
And you are less funny.
urgh
---------------
don't lie, you refuse to watch straight porn...
I have no idea who you or your man lover is, but its morning in bangkok and i'm about to drink more skotch...
don't worry tho, i'm almost finished my next post
Go fuck your mum
Moron
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-12 15:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you are less funny that sicosemen. And he is so unfunny that I refuse to watch good comedy films on the television at the same time as looking at his latest posting on Uber for fear of sucking the funny out of whatever I'm watching. He's that unfunny.
And you are less funny.
urgh
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-12 12:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
die
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-12 12:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 12:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-12 12:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
get fucked cunt
----------------
Go suck man balls, faggot. Man balls, just suck your mum's man balls...
Moron
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-12 12:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
get fucked cunt
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 12:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
do not want
-------------------------
I do not want to shag your mum, but at least i gave her points for effort.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 11:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2008-12-12 11:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
no one likes you...HAHAHAH...
not only are you a loser in real life, but you've also failed to find solace on the internet. that, buddy, is the epitome of fail.
though you've tried and tried again to win us over with your non-witty banter and ever-so-dull retorts, you have nonetheless estranged yourself from the crowd you tried to win over with your endless barrage of hyperlinks and blog recommendations.
don't do that. it reeks of desperation. and desperation will never win anyone over.
next time, try something original. or funny. or naked. and don't be such a cocky weirdo about it.
----------------------
Hahahahahahaha.... i have no quantum of solace on the internet, otherwise i would be a loser.
When you say "win us over" i laugh as you think you're people... honestly tho, i don't care about desperation cause i've been drinking Hennessy all day (that's right, i've tried to quit, but can't) and it feels good...
Next time, i'll try to fuck your mum extra hard and i'll leave the money on the fridge...
Kill yourself so i don't have to be your step-dad
Moron
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2008-12-12 11:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
no one likes you...HAHAHAH...
not only are you a loser in real life, but you've also failed to find solace on the internet. that, buddy, is the epitome of fail.
though you've tried and tried again to win us over with your non-witty banter and ever-so-dull retorts, you have nonetheless estranged yourself from the crowd you tried to win over with your endless barrage of hyperlinks and blog recommendations.
don't do that. it reeks of desperation. and desperation will never win anyone over.
next time, try something original. or funny. or naked. and don't be such a cocky weirdo about it.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 11:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both my kittens just got over upper respiratory infections, and one had pink eye with it and I had to put ointment in his eyes twice a day. Now he has a cold again and I have to give him amoxicillin. I went to bed at 2am and they woke me up at five. So, this is something like having kids only there's more fur and climbing things.
------
Awww, poor sick babies. I hope they feel better soon!!
Tango got sick a couple of weeks ago and had wicked diarrhea in the dining room. He's like a 13 year old human boy - gross, smelly, and hyperactive, but still very cute and lovable.
------------------
That's just disgusting... animals aren't people, put them down.
Have human babies already so you can wipe diarrhea from their baby vagina's (remember wipe downwards)...
Just some horrible reality for you... honestly tho, i hope your pets die.
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:42:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
---------------
C'mon cum face, either comment or go back to jerking off your mum.
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
-------------------
Go apply restrictions on your cock as you cum on your dads back, if you don't have a comment... fuck off.
Dick
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
do not want
Submitted by RestrictionsApply (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:10:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 10:05:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-12 08:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read this, don't care to....
------------------
No one should read this..., thanks tho, my maid speaks Thai and i think she steels from me.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 09:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:26:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop crying all over your keyboard you stupid faggot.
You shouldn't talk tough on the internet
-------------------
No, moron. Go slap your dads cock on the keyboard again and come back with a better comeback
You Fail Again
Retard
______________
You are the epitome of Fail.
I googled it.
------------------
Last time i checked, when you google "epitome of Fail", you get "Cloverfield"
Moron
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-12-12 08:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
looks like I'm off to fuck myself.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-12 08:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read this, don't care to....
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 08:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for wasting my time. Again.
---------------------
I hope you jerk off into your mouth and choke to death.
Retard
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for wasting my time. Again.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:26:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop crying all over your keyboard you stupid faggot.
You shouldn't talk tough on the internet
-------------------
No, moron. Go slap your dads cock on the keyboard again and come back with a better comeback
You Fail Again
Retard
______________
You are the epitome of Fail.
I googled it.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:26:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop crying all over your keyboard you stupid faggot.
You shouldn't talk tough on the internet
-------------------
No, moron. Go slap your dads cock on the keyboard again and come back with a better comeback
You Fail Again
Retard
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:26:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop crying all over your keyboard you stupid faggot.
You shouldn't talk tough on the internet
-------------------
No, moron. Go slap your dads on the keyboard again and come back with a better comeback
You Fail Again
Retard
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 07:26:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop crying all over your keyboard you stupid faggot.
You shouldn't talk tough on the internet
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-12 06:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 06:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks, Moron... go fuck your mums ass
You Fail
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-12 06:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ABN: 88 119 114 932
View ABN history
Last modified: 18 Apr 2008
ABN status: Active from 02 Feb 2006
Entity name: BOROWIK, MATEUSZ Entity type: Individual/Sole Trader
Main business location
State: QLD
Postcode: 4215
Trading name(s)
Drew and Republico
Understatement Management
Majul
Other registrations
GST status: Not currently registered for GST
Matt Borowik
292/105 Scarborough Street
Gold Coast, Queensland 4215
Australia
Domain Name: MAJULCARTOONS.COM
Created on: 16-Jul-08
Expires on: 16-Jul-10
Last Updated on: 16-Jul-08
Administrative Contact:
Borowik, Matt
292/105 Scarborough Street
Gold Coast, Queensland 4215
Australia
+61418799451 Fax --
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-12-12 06:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I found Jesus, fuckmouth! That's right..., Come find Jesus with me. For a number of years I thought Jesus was a made up person like Dick Cheney... but now I know... he spoke to me as I lay on a grassy knoll looking at cloud-shapes. I suddenly felt Jesus all around me. I felt his warm specter penetrate me.
That's right, I shut my eyes and pictured him walk through my bedroom door, my lips quivering in excitement as his burley arms held me back.
Let me tell you about my best friend, Jesus. He was born 2000 years ago, just like earth was created 6000 years ago... You remember those days, when we rode dinosaurs and had ape slaves... Anyways, I used to be a dirty Godless, un-American like all of you, but then I found a way to abandon all logic and reason. I got really drunk and read the bible.
Now, I know some of you "Hell-Bound Heretics" have doubt about my best friend and his sweet, supple and tasty salvation, so here I am to address all your stupid doubt...
Earth is 6000 years old... Yes, get over it, have you been to the creation museum? No? Well, fuck you, I'll just make shit up and claim its fact.
If God wrote the bible, wouldn't he be clearer as to the interpretation? Yeah, he was, shitmouth... God is a fucking wordsmith, when he says "don't work on a Sunday or you get killed"... he fucking means it. God created earth in 6 days and the least you can do is not work on Sunday. I don't give a shit if you're a doctor or a whore... do what the bible says cause that's what it says.
Why does God allow bad things to happen? Fuck you, if God wants to drop napalm on Vietnamese babies, who are you to question that?
Does Christianity hold the absolute truth? Does Donald Rumsfeld shit in the woods? Christianity is the absolute truth and if you think otherwise, you're wrong.
So, fuck you; Jews, Muslims, Buddhist and Sciencetologists; I'm sure you've managed to convince yourself you hold the absolute truth just as I did, the difference is, you're wrong...
Don't try and argue, accept God as your greatest overlord based on no evidence or scientific proof, just a 2000 year old book written by over 40 geniuses... If you had any doubt, I just made you a Christian, death won't seem so bad.
Watch my cartoon here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jamkN3aydpA
***PLEASE NOTE -- This has been designed as a full 20min episode and NOT as an amusing 2 minute Internet antidote. Watching only for 2 minutes will cause serious brain hemorrhaging, recurring hallucinations of Miley Cyrus and possible impotence. Also, please ensure you are heavily intoxicated or paralyzed by some sort of fish tranquilizer. You will NOT waste your time. Please enjoy...
Go read some of my other posts.... if you still don't think im an idiot..... if you do think im an idiot - go fuck yourself.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=397296619
___
I ain't reading all that shit, nigga.