Suck it Up Bitch (repost) (908 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.4 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BillyGoat (View user info) at 2008-12-15 21:30:39 EST
Mother. I see a fat man, in a donkey cart. His cart has no wheels- mother. It stands on two long machetes, like the ones they used on Uncle Dixon.
But wait, I lied, mother. Please forgive me, It's not a donkey. It's a big dog with two great big horns. They sway from side to side in the empty air. I think they are too heavy for the poor dog. Is don't think the dog is happy, mother- I think it's sick. Look at its nose. It's very red; I think its bleeding....
And this dog, mother. It's flying through the sky, with no wings. It's pulling this fat man, along an invincible road. How can that be?
The man, mother, why is he laughing? He looks funny with his hands stretched out like that. He is big and round and has a big mouth. Like that man who stuck that sharp thing in my bum, mother. You remember. And i started crying and you slung me onto your back and I stopped crying. Remember him, mother. The one you begged and yelled for, when my eyes wouldn't open - in that crowded place full of dirty, smelly, people with flies on their faces.
Mother, I cried again didn't I? And, we went back to the big white man and he jabbed me again and I bit my lip that time and didn't cry. We didn't see him again, did we mother? My stomach is ok now, my nappy is dry. The flies don't come anymore.
Mother. The man is whipping the dog...Like papa used to do to that angry cow, before he was taken away in that loud donkey cart with many wheels. Where is papa? Next time, the loud donkey cart with the many wheels and the big angry men with their loud sticks, comes our way, we should climb on-then we will go to papa and we can ask him what he has been doing all this time. I'm sure he is waiting for us.
The dog, doesn't scream, mother. It just runs, like you did the day papa was picked up. I could have fallen off but your shawl held me in, mother. You always tie too tight and I wish I could tell you that sometimes I cannot breathe. But on that day, I was glad that I was wedged in and I felt your chest rubbing on my foot as you ran for the hill.
And what about me, mother, aren't you proud. I knew not to cry, didn't, i. And we waited until the loud donkey carts had gone and the shouting had stopped. We went back home and you fed me some pap and I ate all of it. I was a good boy, mother. Your face was wet and that night you squeezed me tight against your chest... We didn't sleep mother, but why were we running?
Look! The fat man is climbing down into one of the huts. Mother, tell him that he should be careful: he doesn't want to fall into a boiling pot of pap.
Ahh, he is on the ground mother, and he is looking around. There is a tree in one corner of the hut; I have never seen that kind before it before. Is it a sick baobab, mother? It glows and there is this funny shaped thing on the top of it. Is this the burning bush, mother?
And the fat man, mother. He is kneeling down and placing something underneath the tree. You should see this mother, the whole tree, is littered with these things, -all different sizes, shapes and colours. But i am confused, mother....one of these things is dark, the same colour as that thing that aunty stepped on when she was washing by the stream. We both saw her fly and and break up into bright red chunks. And I saw you cover your face, and you slung me across your back and quickly collected our clothes. And then we left. And then aunty splashed into the stream, just as we were leaving and she disappeared without saying a word. Maybe she hates goodbyes. But I think she grew a tail and is living with the fishes now. I like fishes. Mother....why don't we wash in that stream anymore?
The man is climbing into another hut and he is placing the same things under a different glowing tree. Who is he, mother and what's in the box?
User Reviews
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-12-17 13:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-12-16 19:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-12-16 03:33:06 GMT (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame.
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Get off my dick and post something descent for once
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Ha ha! YES!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-16 16:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we need another Uber Ass Directory post. It'll be anonymous, and I'll even participate, hell...I'll head it up, even (to secure my OWN identity, of course).
Any interested applicants can email pics of their asses to astrasoleil.at.gmail.com. Put your handle in the subject line and I'll never, ever tell.
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2008-12-16 14:27:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, hehe.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-16 12:02:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BigBuffty (user info) at 2008-12-16 15:46:49 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
you are so gay, so very very gay
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I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright
I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!
Submitted by BigBuffty (user info) at 2008-12-16 10:46:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you are so gay, so very very gay
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-16 10:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
but not Gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrreat :)
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-16 10:24:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
But not great.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-16 10:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-12-16 09:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do they know..
it's Christmas time..
at alllllll........
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-16 08:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Powerful and moving.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-16 06:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-15 23:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:45:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-12-16 03:33:06 GMT (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame.
------
Get off my dick and post something descent for once
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider that I've gotten e-mad at you and thrown your e-roofied e-drink in your face.
I'm SO an e-prude!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:44:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RAWR! LEAVE MY DUST BUNNIES OUT OF THIS... ONLY ONE IS A DUST BUNNY, THE OTHER IS A SWIFFER.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd love to continue fighting with you (and then having oh so passionate cyber sex with you) but I just put in The 40 Year Old Virgin and watching steve carroll almost have sex is > everything.
We WERE going to end with e-sex, no matter how prudish you are.
I was going to get you e-drunk
And give you e-roofies
It works.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is because your "dogs" are actually what we scientists call "dust bunnies"
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:38:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jelus. Cheese, get it right! haven't you ever heard you are what you eat?!?!
that means today I'm a lamb :-)
Ironically, the lamb roast weighs more (after having eaten of it for dinner) than either of my dogs.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:35:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But *you* aren't on it.
Are you?
NO, YOU'RE NOT, THAT IS WHY YOU( and not fg) are jelos anfry bicth
I think i got jelos right.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
also - I do love a good french cheese. mmmmmmmmm
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AT LEAST IT'S A LIST.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BURN!
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:33:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Lame.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:29:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is how people like; Bobby Mugabe got their start
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fO REALZ.
YOU SHOULDN'T TALK GANGSTA, I'VE A WHOLE ENTIRE list OF MEAN NAMES TO CALL YOU. YOU FARANG CHEESE-EATING SURRENDER MONKEY GOYISHER KOPF, YOU
I'm not sure what it means, but rest assure it is nasty
OH SO VERY NASTY!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:15:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you gonna throw down like that Doodles? Seriously? For realz?
Watch it.. I can be brutal... um, yeah.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:11:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the last two lines detract fro the actual story in order to tug on the heartstrings though.
But then I can't write worth a damn.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no, don't mess with a good thing. Having an emotional reaction to writing means it's good - it's conveys a reality few achieve.
if you WANNA try comedy go ahead, but you're really really good at this style.
and look what it did for Dickens...
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol. i don't mean to pull at the heartstrings all the time crystle, but it just happens.
note to self: start working on happy endings. You dour bastard!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:03:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oddly, it kind of works, in an ironic way.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-15 22:00:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the title has nothing to do with the story by the way.i was told to use a catchy title, so i tossed this one out
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-12-15 21:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nooooooooooooooooo - it was better the other way, more pure and heart rending.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-12-15 21:38:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i didn't put much thinking into this story (which hopefully doesn't show), so when i got to the "ending" i was stuck, but i guess it reads better without the other bits.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-15 21:35:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just thought that you completely went in a different direction which didn't mesh too well with the rest.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-15 21:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I didn't think my review would carry so much weight.