THUPA R1: Ode To My Toilet (593 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.54 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Oly (View user info) at 2008-12-17 18:07:31 EST
I have a friend whom I call George,
He's always there for me in a pinch.
I call on him each time I gorge
Myself on burritos and beer.
Shitting in George is a cinch.
For George's American Standard
Champion 4 maw is always open,
Always expecting my next deposit,
Always awaitin'. Always a-hopin',
Hopin' I have the beer shits again,
That fire inside that never stops
Until its strength surrenders to
The water in George's toilet tank.
The toilet bowl is elevated;
My stomach pain alleviated;
The night before, inebriated;
Today, I sit, ingratiated:
For George's elongated bowl,
Made for men like me, or you?
People with morning wood, who
Just cant stand when you flip your junk
Down between your legs to piss
While shitting, and it hits the tank
And all you can hope for is that you
Didn't get some sort of bacterial
Infection on your dick head from the
Yellowish grime all over the rim.
NO! Not today, George would say
If he could speak, I've an elongated bowl
Allowing for maximum comfort.
While my 4-inches dangle, George's
4-inches do much more than mine ever will.
(Lord knows what my girlfriend does
When she is with him—I always hear noises
Which sound like buzzing and sobbing: wierd)
George's 4" Accelerator flush valve
Can give any prostitute a fit when she sees
He can suck down 100 golf balls in just two tries—For free.
To me, of course, this comes as no surprise.
You have to know this sort of thing.
One thing that's bad about George
Is that I have to change his wax ring every
Now and then--A wax ring, of course,
Is like a condom for your toilet
Except for instead of keeping it
From making toilet babies it just keeps
My bathroom floor shit-water free.
If not for the wax ring George
Would wreak havoc on the linoleum.
But all in all, George is a friend
Whose significance can not be rivaled
Nor should it be, in the end, because
What I have with George you have with yours.
And it can be said with a high degree of certainty
All the George's in our lives were probably
Responsible, at least in part, for the inspiration
Of most of the entries so far to this poetry contest.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-20 13:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One more time.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-20 13:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See? I didn't hurt you. Sorry if you think so,
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-19 21:42:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that 100 golf balls line is actually true, by the way.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-12-19 15:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-12-19 12:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, that takes me back to college...
A WINNAR IS YOU
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-12-19 00:42:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
see, poetry can be funny
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:45:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:15:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for the picture and for naming your toilet George
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:25:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for the picture and for naming your toilet George
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-18 06:05:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-12-18 03:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I smell old people with 1" nose and ear hairs.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-12-18 01:09:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I vowed not to read these poems. But a poem about a toilet, I cannot resist. Well done, milady. Well done. Get the fuck out of that sorority, though. It's silly.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-17 23:58:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-17 21:27:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a terrible fear of my tip hitting the rim, my poor toilet is so small.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-12-17 21:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh. Well, there you go.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-17 21:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 20:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that was better than my poem.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Of turds and squirts and runs he sings
For toilet bowls are curious things
To George his thoughts did herein pass
For each day George does kiss his ass
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:54:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bubba, you are the plague.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU ARE SUCH A WIERD OLD MAN
==========
YOU MISSPELLED WEIRD, DUMBASS!!!!!!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:24:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
go away, please. youre ruining this post, which before you arrived was PURE COMEDY GOLD.
================
No. It was and still is pure shit. I shall not leave. Paybacks are a BITCH, huh???
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU ARE SUCH A WIERD OLD MAN
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
go away, please. youre ruining this post, which before you arrived was PURE COMEDY GOLD.
================
No. It was and still is pure shit. I shall not leave. Paybacks are a BITCH, huh???
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:22:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
go away, please. youre ruining this post, which before you arrived was PURE COMEDY GOLD.
================
No. It was and still is pur shit. I shall not leave. Paybacks are a BITCH, huh???
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:17:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
go away, please. youre ruining this post, which before you arrived was PURE COMEDY GOLD.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:13:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU TALKIN' TA ME, BOY???
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what in the hell are you talking about?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 19:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*pardon*
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pardom my rude comment, but BellBoy will whip your ass, regardless. . .
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
pomes whut doesnt rime suck
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i almost destroyed a project i am working on by converting it to poetry for this contest but this afternoon, whilst on the john, i had a revelation.
when i win this round, my round two submission is already planned out and it will blow everybody away. thinking about it already makes me want to puke. great poetry does that to me.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:26:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
not a crapper
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-17 18:08:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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