THUPA Round One: Show Me Heaven (569 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: poetry
Rating: 1.69 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flash Harry (View user info) at 2008-12-18 05:52:22 EST
"How do you do?", she curtsied, her skin soft like a plum;
And as we touched, skin on skin, my heart beat like a drum.
"Want a drink? Or a dance?" I feared I was in love!
"Both, and more" - that knowing smile was more than enough.
"Let's go to yours", she whispered, my head crackling thunder;
Coats and hats, and quick farewells, and promise of wonder.
Her smell, that voice, those eyes, how I longed for a taste!
Her hair, curves, sidelong glance, my hands around her waist.
After just a moment with those legs, that neck, those lips
My knees grew weak, throat ran dry, I slowly moved my hips
Consumed in heady lust, as though by foul potion
Then naked thighs, unclipped bra, all in slow motion
take off your clothes, she giggled, and slipped between the sheets
the perfect touch, her skin on mine - chests and legs and feet
she stretched her arms behind her head, we breathed in sighs
i kissed her breasts, tickled down, lifting up her thighs
our lips met with a hunger my mind lost in a whirl
i could stay like this forever at one with this girl
we thrust she moaned I groaned we grasped and bit and clawed
and for a fleeting moment i believed in god
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2008-12-19 18:37:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-12-19 16:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-19 13:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and why am i a wanker?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-12-19 12:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...but your opponent's was slightly better.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-12-19 12:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good...
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-19 04:24:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-12-19 07:14:06 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
why are the last 2 strophes without Capitals?? nevermind.
~~~~~~~~~
I dropped the punctuation and capitals to try and make the last two stanzas more 'naked', to mirror the characters. It was just something I was trying out but I don't know if it worked or not.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-12-19 02:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice, real nice.
why are the last 2 strophes without Capitals?? nevermind.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-12-19 00:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-12-18 20:15:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-12-18 17:34:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would say "this was gay" but the implication is heterosexual coitus; so I'll just say you're a fruit.
Peach, perhaps.
<3
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I stopped at "my heart beat like a drum" because that similie is "as old as the hills."
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-12-18 14:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-18 11:43:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is so outrageous?
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-12-18 09:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-18 08:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Splendiferous capture of alien life form.
*p.s. I hope that's what this poem is about because I didn't read it.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-18 08:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mainly for the picture.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-18 06:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with Toe on that. I like the pic, too.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-12-18 06:53:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this reads like movie love.
I still liked it all the same.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-12-18 06:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
enjoy round two.