Majul Published - The Full Partial Extract (614 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.1 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Majul Cartoons (View user info) at 2008-12-18 12:35:44 EST
Its true, i'm writing a book and it will be published. Here is a snippet for all of you. Coming late 2009
Chapter 15
Vanessa pushed open her bedroom doors only to see Ania lay in bed wearing a glistening silk robe. "Come Closer." she smiled seductively. Vanessa obeyed and slowly made her way across the soft Persian carpet. Ania sat up flirtatiously and gently begun to undress Vanessa exposing her wondrously unyielding breasts, her nipples hardened almost like bulging thighs of a burly Olympic athlete.
"I've dreamt about this since we were teenagers." Vanessa said as her eyes glimmered against dim candlelight. "Now you don't have to." Ania replied softly. She gently removed her robe and pressed her lips against Vanessa's, her knees weakened. Ania's lips felt so soft and luscious, like an unhardened penis, a smooth yet stern penis. Vanessa envisioned grasping a penis as it slowly begun to harden in her hand. Suddenly she found herself in a magic wonderland full of stupendous penises. Big, powerful penises as far as her eye could see. Vanessa smiled as she tried to tickle each penis.
"You giggled." said Ania as she lowered Vanessa onto the bed and slowly begun unveiling her blossoming vagina. It looked so tender and innocent. Like a penis. A majestic penis, jasmine scented with the uttermost perfect base, a long unwinding shaft and a rosy colored tip. It was by all means the most perfect penis she had ever seen. Vanessa could feel the illuminating energy radiating from the penis as it descended before her. "Is this heaven?" she asked herself.
*************************
Professor Gordon stood silent. The sight of Clare walk towards him was enough for his penis to grow strong like arms of a blossoming young wrestler. "Yes, Clare, its me." he finally uttered. His penis was of respectable size and now throbbing like a jackhammer of a shirtless construction worker. His
P.S
I'll be doing book signings at local sex shops so i expect to see you all there
To Read more crap...,
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=397296619
Watch my cartoon here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jamkN3aydpA
***PLEASE NOTE -- This has been designed as a full 20min episode and NOT as an amusing 2 minute Internet antidote. Watching only for 2 minutes will cause serious brain hemorrhaging, recurring hallucinations of Miley Cyrus and possible impotence. Also, please ensure you are heavily intoxicated or paralyzed by some sort of fish tranquilizer. You will NOT waste your time. Please enjoy...
User Reviews
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-12-25 09:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're starting to repeat insults, alter.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-12-23 10:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://crapoartworks.deviantart.com
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:58:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hope
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Morons
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:57:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Die
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Christmas
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Does somebody know of any forums or a website like this, just without "one line" retard posts and stupid picture posts?
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 09:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 08:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Majul Christmas
Hay, I'm Majul Cartoons and I approve these statistics.
Did you know world suicide rate is higher on Christmas then on any other day?
Did you know earth is overpopulated and needs emission cut backs?
Have you thought of suicide?
Are you sure?
Did you know you're only one of 6 billion people?
Did you know, at least a hundred thousand people have the exact same personality as you?
Did you know, at least Ten Thousand of those people look identical to you?
Did you know, at least a thousand of those people even have a similar same name?
Are you sure you haven't thought of suicide? What if napalm drops on your mum?
Did you know more people die of heart disease/other or car accidents on Christmas then on any other day?
Did you know, if you post MS paint or stupid one line posts you're more likely to die on Christmas?
Did you know, after you die the average number of people that will notice you're dead is 6?
Santa doesn't exist, your life won't get better and you don't matter.
Did you know, 90% of people are not worthy of sucking my balls because I'm richer, younger, more successful and better looking then them?
Commit Suicide and help save earth.
Happy Christmas
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 05:27:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
God i hate stupid people, at least i'm drunk on Hennessy
Poor Morons
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-23 00:40:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish cancer upon the following morons who posted these.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120362
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120349
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118687
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120333
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120359
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120351
You are the apex of the pinnacle that is failure, you are the reason we need another Hitler, i hope napalm drops on your mum.
You're not just retarded, you're "Corgy" from "Life goes on" retarded"
You are the reason Bush is president. I hope none of you ever procreate.
I wish all your families get brain tumors for Christmas.
I hope somebody digs up your dead family members and burns them so no DNA could ever be extracted for cloning.
YOU ARE THE REASON THE WORLD FAILS.
I hope you're all ashamed enough to commit suicide in front of loved ones.
Sad fucking
Morons
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 23:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 12:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh shush sweetheart. You're getting agitated.
----------------
I hope someone drops napalm on your house for Christmas and your mum gets her legs amputated mistakenly.
Go eat your dads pubes
Sad fucking
Moron
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 19:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-22 12:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am in complete agreement with majul in regards to redskies.
-----------------------------
Firstly, I deliver the message of peace, tranquility and love.
Here's what must be done; 90% of the population are either morons or retarded. I propose to invade countries one by one, starting with Poland, setting up concentration camps and gassing 90% of the world's population. Once and for all ridding the world from morons.
Also, torch MS posts and all one line posts like "I like hummus" , "what's your inspirational retard quote" and others
You might just be in that 10%
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 12:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh shush sweetheart. You're getting agitated.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-22 12:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am in complete agreement with majul in regards to redskies.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you lap many many balls.
------------------------
Just go kill yourself already, nobody will notice...
Waste of fucking space, go look at stupid pictures till you die of retardation.
You failing pieces of shit amount to nothing, you are of no use to the world, you create overpopulation.
I wish hitler conquered the world and gassed 90% of its population, yes, all the morons, he was right to start with Jews.
You should be chemically castrated.
Drive a car into a river and drown for Christmas
make it my present
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you lap many many balls.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BUT HOW ARE YOU AT CANASTA?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You can't even use apostrophes. That's because you're an idiot. Accept this. Move on with your life.
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push your mum off the stairs and punch your dad in his balls so they don't procreate.
or go look at some of these "moron posts" created by pituitary retards amused by short sentences and flashy pictures featured on ebaumsworld about 10 years ago.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120349
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120242
fucking morons you are, you create failure in this world
I hope you get brain cancer for Christmas
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:28:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BUT HOW ARE YOU AT CANASTA?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You can't even use apostrophes. That's because you're an idiot. Accept this. Move on with your life.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shutteth the fucketh upeth
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Go cry in a corner while your mum whores herself next door to buy you all crystal meth for Christmas, moron.
I am rich, young, good looking and successful, therefore a much better person then you, illiterate and talentless morons
Hope you find out you have cancer this Christmas
Retard
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:15:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shutteth the fucketh upeth
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fail, so much of it.
-----------------
Please, i am the epiphany of success. I have everything i want... for now.
You on the other hand are a worthless waste of time, you are the reason the world fails.
I hope your family commit suicide in front of you, right before Christmas
Merry Christmas
sad failing
Moron
Submitted by Linus (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fail, so much of it.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Young maybe.
Successful? By what measure?
Rich? uh huh.
and you look like Danger_Ranger
soz like.
-----------------
...meh
insulting me is futile cause i'm simply better then you
Go eat a bowl of dicks.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Young maybe.
Successful? By what measure?
Rich? uh huh.
and you look like Danger_Ranger
soz like.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this you Majul? Is it?
-----------------
Go fuck your dads hand, moron...
give up, i've already forced sandmantate ( http://www.ubersite.com/m/119318 ), the pedophile kid, whore-slut and many more to tears... that lockfuck kid was the only one that barely made it.
Face it, you'll end up like the rest of those whiny morons
No one can insult me and be serious because i'm rich, young, good looking and successful
You fail at life
Give up like everyone else did, cause they fail like you
Moron
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=W0U84z_SZv4&feature=related
Is this you Majul? Is it?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:33:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go support your mums balls in your fist while you sniff.
Just admit i'm better then you and give up, cherish my work
or go dress like a woman
Retard
---
What? Is English your second language?
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your marked inability to use apostrophes supports my theory.
----------------
Go support your mums balls in your fist while you sniff.
Just admit i'm better then you and give up, cherish my work
or go dress like a woman
Retard
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your marked inability to use apostrophes supports my theory.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Have you got mental problems?
--------------------
Lame... I bet its funnier when your dad shoves crystal meth up your ass with your mums fist.
Go suck out vomit from the queens dried up, velcro cunt.
Moron
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Have you got mental problems?
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-22 06:13:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
made me think of penis
------------------
...too easy, like punching a baby.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:07:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-22 06:13:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
made me think of penis
------------------
...too easy.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-12-22 07:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You've plagiarized South Park.
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Yes moron, i'm sure it did..., just like American dad makes you think of family guy, which makes you think of simpsons which make you think of Flinstones and Jetstones
Just like Burger King makes you think of McDonalds... and so on
I elaborated on a south park idea... added on from just a few lines
Retard
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-12-22 07:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You've plagiarized South Park.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-12-22 06:13:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
made me think of penis
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-20 01:08:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-18 20:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
---------------------
My God you're gullible... I don't know whether to laugh, cry or correct your spelling mistakes.
ehh...
--------------
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wonders. Your "writing" reminds me of another's written work, Tolkien spin on fantasy and merged with fields and fields of THC laden growth growing wild... in the upper Northern Canadian wilderness. I have never been so moved to laughter by anything I'd ever read... I read your contributions, Majul. These things would make it into an issue of Juggs©, actual publication. Why do you push this upon ubersite? Its well constructed, as anyone could tell that had even bothered to look properly. it pops out of the closet with flair and a little flag. Considering that people like your work... but one wonders many, many things.
Now, let's see you. honestly.
------------
Thank you
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-12-19 12:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-18 20:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Generally, to be published, one must be able to write well and know their subject matter. As MC couldn't get laid at a hooker convention even if he had $100 bills stapled to every inch of his body, the latter premise is disproven. Any attempt to slog through the asinine drivel that he posts disproves the former. Ergo, this is bullshit. A hint, MC: making a bunch of copies of your "work" at Kinko's is not referred to as "being published". There are many more published authors lurking in the depths of ubersite than you might ever dream and all of us are of a clear consensus: you write in much the same fashion as a retarded chimpanzee masturbates. I would tell you to continue in your attempts but they are vain, at best, and I haven't the heart to string along someone without even the remotest smidgeon of actual talent.
I shan't believe in your credentials until I look upon them with mine own eyes. (Definition: put up or shut up.) Until such time, I scoff in your general direction.
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My God you're gullible... I don't know whether to laugh, cry or correct your spelling mistakes.
ehh...
------
One wonders if you're even aware of what the word "gullible" means. Your "writing" (I use that term so loosely, it should remind you of your birth) concerning the Magical Land of Happy Penis reminds me of another's written work which, with its fairy tale mentality, took a Tolkien spin on fantasy and merged it with fields and fields of THC laden growth growing wild... in the upper Northern Canadian wilderness. The example is not taken from something that ever made it to Ubersite (you should be thankful) but was a 3,000 page monstrosity that got shipped to every publisher to ever get caught fondling a fantasy tale (or tail as the case may be). I have never been so moved to laughter by anything I'd ever read... until I read your contributions, Majul. These things you've slogged over wouldn't make it into an issue of Juggs©, let alone garner actual publication. Poor spelling is the least of your worries even if it is your most consistent offense. Why do you persist in pushing this alter upon ubersite? It isn't even a well constructed alter, as anyone could tell that had even bothered to look properly. It's slip-shod and sway-backed and it only pops out of the closet with the flair of a pagaent queen and a little flag that reads "I'm Fabulous!" every so often. I begin to think it only escapes when you're truly bored. Considering that the only "people" (so damned loose there) that seem to like your work are McCallum's altars... but one wonders many, many things.
Now, since you're watching this post, let's see which way you'll run. I am honestly curious.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-19 07:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:02:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Have we determined who is running this alter yet?
=========
The smart money is on Doodles.
================
so then who are you betting on bubbs
-------------------
I really can't believe anyone that's not retarded would think I'm an alter... seriously...
I'm as real as your mums balls
Moron
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-18 20:08:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My god... I would seriously rather perform fellatio on Dick Cheney than ever read anything you've written again.
--------------------
What i think you meant to say is "I would seriously perform fellatio on Dick Cheney rather then anything ever again."
Yes?
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-18 20:05:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Generally, to be published, one must be able to write well and know their subject matter. As MC couldn't get laid at a hooker convention even if he had $100 bills stapled to every inch of his body, the latter premise is disproven. Any attempt to slog through the asinine drivel that he posts disproves the former. Ergo, this is bullshit. A hint, MC: making a bunch of copies of your "work" at Kinko's is not referred to as "being published". There are many more published authors lurking in the depths of ubersite than you might ever dream and all of us are of a clear consensus: you write in much the same fashion as a retarded chimpanzee masturbates. I would tell you to continue in your attempts but they are vain, at best, and I haven't the heart to string along someone without even the remotest smidgeon of actual talent.
I shan't believe in your credentials until I look upon them with mine own eyes. (Definition: put up or shut up.) Until such time, I scoff in your general direction.
---------------------
My God you're gullible... I don't know whether to laugh, cry or correct your spelling mistakes.
ehh...
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:21:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Generally, to be published, one must be able to write well and know their subject matter. As MC couldn't get laid at a hooker convention even if he had $100 bills stapled to every inch of his body, the latter premise is disproven. Any attempt to slog through the asinine drivel that he posts disproves the former. Ergo, this is bullshit. A hint, MC: making a bunch of copies of your "work" at Kinko's is not referred to as "being published". There are many more published authors lurking in the depths of ubersite than you might ever dream and all of us are of a clear consensus: you write in much the same fashion as a retarded chimpanzee masturbates. I would tell you to continue in your attempts but they are vain, at best, and I haven't the heart to string along someone without even the remotest smidgeon of actual talent.
I shan't believe in your credentials until I look upon them with mine own eyes. (Definition: put up or shut up.) Until such time, I scoff in your general direction.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My god... I would seriously rather perform fellatio on Dick Cheney than ever read anything you've written again.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:02:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Have we determined who is running this alter yet?
=========
The smart money is on Doodles.
================
so then who are you betting on bubbs
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:02:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
rating the poster
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-18 13:02:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Have we determined who is running this alter yet?
=========
The smart money is on Doodles.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was so shitty it was funny, especially using 'blossoming' twice.
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Odd that you mention that... i did think about changing the second "blossoming" to "rugged" or "strapping" before posting from myspace, but then though no one would pick it up or care.
well done
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Have we determined who is running this alter yet?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:53:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck off and die loser
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This was so shitty it was funny, especially using 'blossoming' twice.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:44:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Harmon (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:39:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You know who else is published? Jack McCallum! Pick up his best selling novel "Made in the U.S.A", #1 on the best seller list of Feline Fortune Magazine, 12 weeks and running, and is also available on Amazon.com!
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I'm pretty sure you're Jack McCallum's alter. However, on the weekend i did read his book and i must say it changed my life.
I laughed, I cried, I learned to read.
Dictated but not read
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:41:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE!
Submitted by Harmon (user info) at 2008-12-18 12:39:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You know who else is published? Jack McCallum! Pick up his best selling novel "Made in the U.S.A", #1 on the best seller list of Feline Fortune Magazine, 12 weeks and running, and is also available on Amazon.com!