THUPA Round Two: Sir Gawain & the Green Knight (544 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: poetry
Rating: 1.15 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flash Harry (View user info) at 2008-12-22 07:58:05 EST
Hast thou ever heard of the brave Sir Gawain?
He was a fierce fighter of nationwide fame
Who answered a challenge, set by a Green Knight,
And, bles'd by King Arthur, he sought out the fight.
Countless knights sat at Camelot's round table,
Each highly moral, ferocious and able;
One night, they enjoyed a remarkable feast
The doors burst open by an ominous beast.
The royal court fell still - 'twas surely a dream?
From head to toe, the fiend was dressed all in green:
The very same colour as his splendid steed
Who snorted with fury 'pon sight of the feed.
The King was incensed. 'Who the devil are you?
I should call Lancelot to run you straight through!'
The named warrior stood, a stranger to fear,
But he sat once again, begged by Guinevere.
The Green Knight replied he had just one request:
He sought out no mischief with this court, he stressed.
'Suspend your anger, please, my merciful King,
Hear my words - they amount to one little thing.
I search a good man - a fine Knight who is brave
And one who cares not of his own life to save.
Is there such a man here? Come on fools, retort!
Where are the famed legends of good Arthur's court?!'
The stranger searched with a pointed green finger
Accusations of doubt; which often lingers.
His gaze quickly fell on a face that looked young;
'What is your name?' he rasped. 'Hast thou lost thy tongue?
And where is your beard? His fair cheeks are so smooth!
But let me guess - you have no hair to remove?
Why, dear King Arthur, this daft Knight's but a boy;
A sweet-faced one at that, no more than a toy.'
Up stood the young Knight, his proud face in discord,
'Control your green mouth! Or you shall feel my sword.
I may be a child, and I may have no beard,
But, unwelcome swine, I deserve to be feared.'
At this angry exchange, up stood the Royal
Arthur said to Gawain (the King was loyal):
'Calm down, my dear nephew, this man is a fool,'
At which the Green Knight slashed with an awful tool.
'Twas a giant axe, with a flickering blade,
That twisted candle-light a sickly green shade,
Once again the great court was shrouded in hush;
The green axe was huge! Poor Gawain must be crushed!
'I stated that I came with but one query,
I care not to debate (tiresome and weary);
I am unwelcomed - you are eating - and so:
I invite one to strike an unopposed blow
Upon my person, from my head to my heel.
Silence! Hear me now, there is more to this deal:
Whomsoever would like a swing at such prey
Must expect vengeance! In one year and a day.'
'Here,' Gawain smiled slow, 'is stupidity found,
For if I strike now you'll be deep in the ground
By sunset; forget in one year and a day.
But if you so wish, hand me that axe, I say!'
The Green Knight dismounted his fine-looking horse
Handing over the cleaver, heavy of course.
Gawain gripped tightly, the huge blade almost fell,
But braced his young back, and his thoughts turned to Hell.
Was the challenger set? He cared not to check,
But aimed the great axe at the Knight's naked neck.
The wound cut cleanly, the green head rotated!
It cleared the Round Table, decapitated.
Gawain watched its flight with unhidden pleasure,
The Green Knight's armour would make quite a treasure.
He turned back to the body, missing its head,
But sound on it's feet! How? He was surely dead!
As is often the case after such violence
Those present withdrew in a deep, stunned silence.
Gawain's beardless face was overcome by shock -
Feet moved! Legs followed! The Green Knight could still walk!
His steps were uncertain, as one might expect
From a man who has felt steel cut through his neck.
After some paces, the legs grew more robust,
They sought out the loose head, which lay in sawdust.
King Arthur's good Court watched this terror with dread,
As the bloodied corpse reached, and pick'd up the head.
Guinevere fainted; the Knights could no more dine,
The Green Knight screwed his head back onto his spine,
And turned his awful gaze on poor Sir Gawain,
Stating: 'You, boy, are now a pawn in my game,
In front of this court you have been heard to say
I'll return your blow - in one year and a day!'
'Twas no good to argue - things could not be worse,
Gawain nodded. The Green Knight mounted his horse,
With one last salute to King Arthur, the host,
Then he was gone; a huge, green, immortal ghost.
The very next day, and a stranger to sleep,
Sir Gawain admitted his problems were deep,
He went to his Uncle, the all-knowing King,
Who, if undecided, could ask old Merlin.
Arthur was worried, as one might understand.
He said the Green Knight was known throughout the land
As a dangerous wizard, who spread much fear;
Sir Gawain cried 'but in precisely one year,
I must depart on this ridiculous quest,
Sure to be killed! 'Tis a most ludicrous test.'
The King was angry, but wished not to quarrel,
'You must do this, Gawain - you know't is moral.
You had no qualms, and did strike him quite gladly,
You thought he was dead - but he was not, sadly.
In a year you must be ready to grapple,
Indebted to the Lord of the Green Chapel.
'Is that where he'll be?' asked Gawain, and shiver'd,
He felt regret for the blow he'd deliver'd.
The King sighed softly, like a father he said
'When the time comes, be prepared, take a sharp blade.'
The young Knight could see that he was in trouble,
He sought to train hard; his combat skills doubled,
By the end of the year he learned how to fight
Like a true warrior - a marvellous sight.
The evening before Gawain was set to leave
A feast was arranged, the Knights started to grieve.
None of those present thought their friend would return,
And swore, before God, the Green Chapel would burn.
They were men of honour, for honour they fought,
And agreed he must go, even Lancelot
Advised his young friend, with the greatest of luck:
'Gore the fiend with your sword, as his blow is struck.'
The hero departed, his future unknown,
Would he return? The nobleman on the throne,
Sir Gawain's very uncle, harboured grave doubts
But witnessed him triumph in numerous bouts
With opponents famed for their love of a fight.
Might he somehow defeat this wicked Green Knight?
As the child vanish'd, after much affection,
The distant sky shone green, setting his direction.
User Reviews
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-12-23 18:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
burp
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-23 18:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This wins if they're judging by verses!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-12-23 17:55:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This really was a lot of wank.
But I don't have the heart to change my rating. Especially since I must go brave the horrors of the stores to get some candy for my nephews/niece. I can't buy proper gifts because I haven't seen them in years and I just don't know what's cool* with the wee ones. I need a teaspoon of good karma, or I won't even make it home tonight.
It's well done wank, I think; if such a thing exists. So... there you go.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-12-22 17:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-12-22 17:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was unnecessarily flowery, and the use of archaic language perhaps detracted from the-
:D LEGOS!
/joking, well done.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-22 16:28:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Serious lack of originality. Also, lack of taste, class, and cool.
Sorry.
No, actually, I'm not sorry. You suck.
Submitted by Porcelain (user info) at 2008-12-22 14:44:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Long but awesome.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-12-22 13:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There is no fucking way I am reading all of that.
It looks very poetic, however.
So as usual : FUCK YOU BELL.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-12-22 13:19:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-12-22 12:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool!
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-12-22 12:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sico =/= pro
sico = average joe
Perhaps it was that the two sound similar that provoked your mistake but I assure you that there is no pro here.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-19 04:15:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But camping on a THUPA entry isn't cool. You're s'posed ta just let everyone rate it as they see fit, as though it were a dog show and this post is your prized toy poodle.
============
*stares
*blinks
*more staring
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-12-22 11:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i signed up for and got so confused i never used it.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:50:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's awful and I don't go there any more.
The layout is too complicated, it seems very difficult to get any kind of decent feedback or exposure, and there's no chance that I'm paying any money to have better posting privileges than other people. But then that's just me.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:47:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:44:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha. i'm glad to know you don't do it for fun. you posted it over at writing.com too right?
what do you think of that site?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:34:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was a University thing - we read the original version in Middle English and then had to create our own translation (I don't just re-write medieval tales for my own amusement, sadly).
But yeah, if you don't like it then that's okay. Upsetting, but okay.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:29:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have difficulty seeing why this rewrite warrants such rave reviews. maybe someone that likes this version can explain why?
i enjoy your other posts and am sure you write many quality pieces. i just don't like this one.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is there a problem?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
you must be kidding
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-12-22 10:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Long but awesome.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I suspect that the only way CT is beating this is if he sets it to music and sings it. Time to bust out the lyre.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-12-22 09:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Geez...you must've had this masterpiece queued up and ready, eh?
I don't know how the hell I'm going to top this, but I'll try!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You made this with your Legos and made the poem after, didn't you?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-12-22 08:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Zounds!