THUPA-R2: "Forgive Me" (417 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.87 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2008-12-22 18:46:12 EST
The story follows true, told as best as I can tell.
You may question it or scoff my word,
Cast final judgment upon my acts, but
A more heartbreaking tale I doubt you've heard.
The winter season was drawing closer
But none of us yet had seen the falling snow.
Cold winds shifted down from the north
Those mountain peaks where no man goes.
But that day I traveled near, my pace set.
I sought out to brave the thicker woods
For game that had become so thin that year
And bring home food, what little I could.
And so I traveled into that dark forest
My eyes and ears alert for all, but still...
So still the woods were that day I found
It attacked my nerves and shook my will.
My horse did not wish to continue forward
But I pushed and prodded my gentle mare.
Then something glimmered off in the distance
And amazed I sat, for a long moment stared.
There she knelt weeping among the trees
The underbrush but cleared and free
She curled up upon herself and sobbed away
But that was not all, quite the least for me to see.
Upon her body were delicate markings
Thin black tattoos of such beauty found
Almost as fragile as her torn white dress
That was now stained filthy from the ground.
Yet these were not what caught my breath
What caused my blood to run and sing.
No, it was something else that mattered then;
Of course I speak of those brilliant wings.
She looked at me with sparkling eyes
As I crept towards her and spied the tears.
My hands were out in a gesture of peace
For I best tried to ease her growing fears.
Her hair was the shining sunlight and
Her eyes without a doubt the ocean blue
Skin as pale as mother's needed milk
And she was as real as I am now to you.
I must admit I fell before her, this angelic
This sight was more than I could bear.
I fumble for words that seemed correct, and
My own tears flowed without a single care.
Strength I mustered, my mind I found
And there I was upon my very knees
To her, the most beautiful thing ever seen
I could only whisper to her, "Please..."
She blessed me with a radiant smile.
Bit her lip as if to consider my feeble plea
Leaned in close enough to whisper back
A simple, aching "Forgive Me."
With that she was standing and her wings out
A single leap and she was gone to the skies
I cried out to the heavens' above for my loss
But I see you think I fill you with lies.
It matters not what you believe about my tale
About my angelic meeting that fateful day.
I have journeyed all about this land, and
Never rested long or found a place to stay.
My life is nothing now after that destined glimpse.
I see no beauty in this world, it does not grace my sight.
It only comes to me in dreams of wings in woods
With tears and torn gown, only fragments in the night.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-29 04:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it was a bad time for this competition , over the christmas and new year break. Oh well.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-12-29 01:52:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First off, nice work.
Secondly,
If everybody is okay with it, and since there were so many forfeits in round two, I can put Saccy up against JoeyG (who both forfeited but expressed interest in still playing) for the "highest loser bracket" for round three. Deadline would be tomorrow, 11:59 EST. Let me know.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-12-29 00:11:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-12-29 00:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I kind of lost track and forgot tonight was deadline. I had the party of the year last night, and I've been in recovery all day. I started to write a piece I've been wanting to for a while, but I realize I can't do it justice right now and it's past deadline.
Can't believe I forfeited an UPA.
Sorry, kk. You deserved better.
weeeeeeeeeeeeep
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-12-23 16:14:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To clearly a better writer than I, have a +2.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-12-23 08:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY! that's a picture of Becky, we went to Celestial College together.
Tell her I still have her Foghat 8-track.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-12-23 07:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're forgiven.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-12-23 07:10:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-23 03:45:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-12-22 18:52:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really enjoyed the final quatrain, but the bit about her beliving you a liar, and the lack of a discernable direction sorta took me out of it.
Also there was this typo:
"I must admit I fell before her, this angelic
This sight was more than I could bear."
which is the combined reason why I'm only rating it a +1.