Cock vs Pussy-A tale of two fist (1977 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.92 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Poots (View user info) at 2008-12-28 11:38:32 EST
Concentrated waves of gooey subatomic particles crashed into the tattered, worn, and now stinky vagina. She'd had enough and now lay prone after the incredibly powerful hit delivered by her nemesis a walking talking farting penis. He stood over her in a victoriously cocky pose and smiled.
"Oh my, my, my," the penis said slyly turning his head to look over his shoulder so that he could spit out a nasty looking wad of green, "look at you laying there in your slimy discharge, helpless and weak." He rubbed his hand across her face and she jerked away quickly to look through heavily hooded and exhausted eyes at the hazy world. Her head spun making her dizzy and confused; she relaxed her body causing the labia to fold outwardly.
"You thought you could take me down while I was flaccid and take the throne? From ME?" He raised his head causing veins to throb up and down his shaft. He flexed his massive dick muscles while he did and laughed evilly triumphant.
The penis bent over and slid his mouth down to her ear and whispered, "You couldn't even suck the cheese from my balls," then laughed loudly into his downed opponent's ear causing her to roll her head towards him. He noted gleefully that she was bleeding through cracks on her labia. He flicked it and she recoiled and writhed on the ground clearly in a great amount of pain. Her lips quivered causing a snot bubble to pop up and burst in the dry air surrounding her vagina hole.
"Sensitive are we? You look like freshly sliced meat you know that?" He snarled his lips and furrowed his brows spitting as he spoke "It disgusts me," he said to her calmly and clearly. "I'm disgusted by you and your constant blubbering, incessant bitching, and your...smell. That awful nose twitchingly pungent smell is terrible. Haven't you douched at least once in your life?" He rapidly rubbed her clit and sniffed his fingers making a stinky face and pulling the finger far from his face after doing so. "This smell tells me that you haven't. Douching is a good odor reducer and you should really look into it. Not that you will have the chance," he paused and smiled, enlarging his eyes into hypnotic saucers, and stared deeply into her hole. With a hushed undertone of laughter he finished, "not now."
Putting his hand on his knees the penis turned his ass towards the vagina, smiled, clenched his eyes tightly and let loose a viscously stinky fart right into the vaginas' vagina hole. He stood up slowly as he did making it seem as if his fart propelled him up as he made his way to his feet.
The penis, with a kick to the vagina, walked slowly toward a table that contained his weapon of choice: The Axe of Wounding. "I've never seen such a pathetic lump! Your quivering labia flapping there dying to breath is poetic justice don't you think?" He grabbed the axe and inspected it by licking his thumb and rubbing it down the sharpened blade. It shimmered in the sunlight and he looked pleased as he lifted it up to his shoulder.
Walking and patting his shoulder with the axe he shrewdly announced to the world, "I'm the one that got things started. I made insertion. I did all the work...YOU WOULD JUST LAY THERE IN YOUR POOL OF STINK AND MOAN LETHARGICALLY YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH! I'VE SEEN DOGS FUCK WITH MORE ENTHUSIASM!"
The penis kicked the vagina hard causing her to roll away from him. He caught up and slammed his heel into her clitoris catching and trapping her under his weight the penis caught his breath.
"Now, tell me again. Who is the pencil dick?" he leaned in real close and tilted his head toward her ear waiting with a big smile on his face and the axe of wounding on his shoulder for the answer he wanted to hear.
"Go fuck yourself," she whispered out of her dry and scratchy hole with a smile on her face adding, "pencil dick." She rolled her head over to the side exhausted and in unfathomable pain she let out a deep breath, flapping her labia as she did.
"EWWWWWWWW! You fucking quiefed on me and fanned it with your cunt lips you disgusting whore. That was a bad thing for you to do mamacita. A very bad thing indeed, my little cunt filled biscuit."
The penis grabbed his axe with both hands off his shoulders and raised it above his head smiling with crazy eyes as the axe took weight on his back and shoulders. "It is now your time to go to bed and sleep in your stinky little cesspit! I deem this; the chop that took the cunt of all cunts out of the history books for all times and I hope you suck porcupine cock in hell chop, bitch. Prepare to eat axe!"
"Wait! Hold up a minute. I have something I need to tell you before I die.
"Fuck that, you die twat."
"No, no, no, no...." she caught her breath and rolled her eyes under her lids, "it's the secret you've been searching after your whole life."
"You wouldn't tell me that even if your life depended on it."
"I will....I will. Please don't kill me."
The penis put his axe down slowly as the realization that he was about to learn what women talk about in the bathroom when they go together. His eyes glazed over and his mouth opened in a smile thinking about how he too could make it through a whole soap opera with out tearing all of his pubes out. He was going to learn the secret of all vaginas. The grail of womanly success was within inches of his grasps and he was drunk on the idea.
"Ok...talk"
"I need some water."
"Water? HAH! No way, no how. You lay there and talk or I will bust you up with this big ass axe in my hand."
"I can't talk. My mouth is too parched at the moment."
"Bullshit, you will talk and I will be listening or your last images of this world will be that of one of the happiest sons of bitches to swing an axe cleanly down upon your esophagus. NOW TALK!"
"I guess you'll have to kill me then,' she grabbed at her throat and mouthed 'it hurts too bad,' as she waved her head back and forth.
The penis got anxious and started tapping his toes up and down rapidly. He clutched his hands and started with wide eyes back and forth to his apartment. Realizing he may need to concede he said, "alright I'm going to grab the hose but I'll be right back. If you even think about moving an inch I'll send you and your secret to womanly success to the hell of which you were spawned. CAPICHE!
"Yes sir," she said compliantly as she sunk her head into her chest mimicking sorrow and defeat.
"I'll be right the fuck back," he said and took off in a run towards the apartment buildings water hose. It was located around the corner and the vagina could here the penis yelling at neighbors asking them "What are you staring at," and stating that they should "mind your business fuckwads."
The vagina laid there and caught her breath she smiled inside and reached into her pussy hole. In there she found a book of incantations and vegetarian recipes. Flipping through the pages she found; The Blood of a Thousand Virgins incantation noting that it was right next to a nice beans and rice queso quesadilla recipe and said "page 548" aloud so that she could find the page again if she made it through to dinner.
She murmured a few words out of the book and felt a pain like no other in her uterus and set and waited for the penis to return. She replaced the book in her cavernous hole and an immediate burst of rage boiled up in her. She took a moment to breathe and to think so that she wasn't overtly angry when he returned.
The penis returned with the water and handed it to the now reddened to blood red vagina.
"IT'S ABOUT TIME," she exclaimed through her teeth with piercing eyes as wide as the Mississippi river. She snatched the water from him and guzzled it down.
"I'm so...wait a sec. Fuck you bitch! You're lucky I don't beat you pussy you shit sucking cock socket. Noooooooow talk!
"Oh, I'm about to do some talking needle dick. I'm about to do some serious talking. First of all your dick is small. Like, super small. I didn't even know how small a dick could get until I saw your small pathetic member. And that's not all I'm going to talk about turd breath. Yeah, your breath smells like turds."
"THAT IS IT! Nobody talks about my penis like that and lives. NOBODY! You die now whore of the world."
He lifted his ax high and began to downwardly strike when she spoke.
"Not if I have anything to say about it,' she said and she made a pushing motion as the blood of a thousand virgins poured out by the gallons of her gaping vagina hole. It smacked the penis right in the face and she smiled and pulled her arms into her body gesturing the success. He was bowled over backwards and upside down laying on his head as his scrotum swung limply in the breeze.
The vagina quickly reached back into her cave, pulled out the book of incantations, and looked up "summoning" finding what she needed on pg. 909. next to a veggi burger and pico recipe. "Delicious" read a red caption above the burger.
The vagina licked her lips and spoke:
"Howl of the wind bring me the twins
on the chest of tippy nipps
Earth and fire bring my desires
Those soft bags of sand!"
Lightning struck nearby and from behind and to the sides appeared two boobies. One brandished an eye patch that looked totally awesome and the other had a nasty looking hook where the nipple would be.
BOOBIES, ATTACK THIS NO GOOD PENCIL DICKED PENIS WAD OF ASS! I, THE VAGINA OF ALL TIMES, COMMAND YOU!
A nasty boob fight ensued. The penis put forth a great battle but finally became subdued by the boobs and was beheaded with a nasty hook to the head. The vagina took the seperated top peice and mounted it on her dining room wall.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2009-01-05 17:49:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2009-01-05 17:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-12-29 08:20:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Subatomic particles include the atomic constituents electrons, protons, and neutrons. Protons and neutrons are composite particles, consisting of quarks. A proton contains two up quarks and one down quark, while a neutron consists of one up quark and two down quarks; the quarks are held together in the nucleus by GLUONS.
The gluon has negative intrinsic parity and zero isospin. It is its own antiparticle.
Jizz is the term used by birders to describe the overall impression or appearance of a bird garnered from such features as shape, posture, flying style or other habitual movements, size and colouration, combined with voice, habitat and location.
ooops....
Semen is an organic fluid, also known as seminal fluid, that usually contains spermatozoa. It is secreted by the gonads (sexual glands) and other sexual organs of male or hermaphroditic animals and can fertilize female ova. The process of discharge is called ejaculation.
galactose, mucus (serve to increase the mobility of sperm cells in the vagina and cervix by creating a less viscous channel for the sperm cells to swim through, and preventing their diffusion out of the semen. Contributes to the cohesive jelly-like texture of semen.), pre-ejaculate, sialic acid
SOUND FAMILIAR? subatomic particles and gooeyness have many common associations. I tried to keep it simple.
a fun fact about semen:
Research has demonstrated that semen may have anti-depressant properties. In studies, women who did not use condoms but instead absorbed semen vaginally (as was the norm among humans before increased concerns of contracting HIV or other sexually-transmitted infections) sustained a better mood.
That would make a great pick up line.
In a bad mood baby? Maybe we could have intercourse on the couch or perhaps in the laundry room.
disturbing fact about semen:
In some cultures, semen is attributed with special properties of masculinity. For instance, among the Etoro people of Papua New Guinea, it is believed that young boys must fellate their elders and ingest their sperm to achieve proper sexual maturation.
fucking pagans!
also scourge, thanks man. It's good to see that somebody can appreciate a well written prose and be taken seriously. I hope the cavernous writting style didn't give you a headache. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound pompous I'm just very proud I guess.
they keep saying magic negro on the news this morning. It's pretty awesome. The just said super duper magic negro.
Also, skrap, I don't know if you meant a boston/beantown wave, mexican two toe wave, or the new york naked tits wave. Please specify as the three are commonly mistaken yet are completely different in transference from the style at which one would sit to stand and vice versa. Call me crazy but I'm a bit confused.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-12-29 00:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is perhaps the deepest piece you've written. There's just not a lot of hand holding, is all.
Every word should be approached as if it was a twenty ton weight. Heavy, man. Heavy.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2008-12-28 20:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Not as bad as some of these people say. Still bad, though.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-28 20:39:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://brands.kraftfoods.com/jello/products/pudding/instant-pudding-and-pie-filling/
Wrong again. "Subatomic Particle" is not a flavor of pudding.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-28 20:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
J.J. Thomson's plum pudding concept was discounted a zillion years ago.
Oh, and this post blows.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-28 20:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My dear skrap, that second is purely conjectural.
I still apply to the theory of an atom being a type of pudding.
pudding is gooey
See, how that works?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-28 20:04:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Concentrated waves of gooey subatomic particles..."
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Look: six words in and you're already wrong at least twice.
1) Waves as they apply to subatomic particles cannot be concentrated since they move at the speed of light. If you meant "high intensity" you should have said so.
2) Subatomic particles may combine to form atoms, which may combine to form molecules, and the molecules may combine to form mixtures or compounds, and only once you're at the mixture/compound level is there even the remotest possibility of "gooey".
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-28 14:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The end