And When I Die. . . . . (566 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.18 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (View user info) at 2008-12-30 21:19:04 EST
The operation was a failure, and the bright light was so pretty I couldn't resist.
. . . . . . . .
"OK, people, keep moving. Eternity may sound like a long time, but I have work to do."
From what I could see, white hair and beards were the order of the day up here. When it finally came my turn, I spoke first.
"Excuse me, Saint Penis, I..."
"That's PETER," he roared. "You're off to a really bad start here, Bub."
"Erm, that's Bubba, if you don't mind, Saint."
"Just call me Sir. Never mind, just don't say anything. Let me tell you what will happen."
He spent thirty seconds or so looking in a large book with my name on the cover, and I tried to see what he was looking at, but he angrily turned to the side so I could see nothing. After another few seconds he turned back to me and slammed the book down on the desk.
"Bub, just what the hell were you trying to DO down there? You ticked off all of your friends, most of your neighbors, and everyone on that stupid website you hung out on.
I can't find anyone who will vouch for you. I'm not sure what to do here."
"Excuse me, Sir, but do I understand you to say that I need the good words of others to enter through those Gates?"
"That's right, youngster, nobody gets in unless he is testified to by a few others. This ain't a one man show, ya know?"
For Chrissakes, I thought, and then looked around, hoping no lightning bolts would hit me. Who could I suggest that would stand up for me? Nobody.
Well, maybe someone whom I treated decently over the years. Strike one.
A family member? Strike two.
I know! That Jack guy on Uber, the one I +2ed on everything! He's my ticket!
"Yes, Mr. McCallum, my name is Pete. I'm calling about a mutual acquaintance, a Mr. Bubba. It seems he needs some assistance from me and I need to ask you if he is a worthy individual."
"Bubba? Fuck him! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
"Well, Bub, you heard it. Anyone else you want to try?
"YEAH, ASSHOLE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL BEELZEBUB?"
"Bubs, he is next on my list."
User Reviews
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-08-05 17:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-01-19 21:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Bubba is a stupid retard who tries to fit in.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-01-08 08:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-07 14:43:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No one deserves to be hit or treated like shit, regardless of circumstances. We are all human, and humans should be nice to each other. Wow, I'm a naive old fucker, huh?
No one is perfect, but no one has the right to hit another person, or call them names.
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-11 18:49:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
notachance. idon'twannacontendwithasholeslikewildmanmethodordoodles.
fuckyoutakemynameoffofdyoulist.
IN OTHERS WORDS. I SHALL NOT POST. SEE MY POINT, DIPSHIT???????????
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasn't meant to be amusing to you, asshole, only to the smart people.
What happened to your vow to ignore me?
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-27 14:55:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't give a shit what you think, asshole. Show us how much better you are than I. What? You actually suck? Well, so there it is. Go back to Britain and take your sick ass slut with you. You want to play games, dipshit? Your woman's ass looks better than your teeth.
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-20 11:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
============
Boy, they don't come any dumber than you, huh? Try to pay a little good attention there, Mr. Chitlin', maybe you'll catch on.
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-18 19:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BTW, Rad, weren't you the self-centered control freak cocksucker who took it upon himself to modify the "best ever" files a couple of years ago? Who the living fuck do you think you are, pussyboy? God should have slapped you down right then and there, but he probably realized that you are lower in intelligence than a retarded radish, so he let you slide. Fuck you, you Vegas style retard. You are fool of epic proportions.
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-15 17:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+2s from the suckwads? I SMELL A RAT HERE!!!
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Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-11 17:34:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wildman, every time you post a pile of shit the intelligent people here snicker. Those who can read know where the pedo bullshit came from, and they know it is a twisted version of the truth. Why must you continue to act the fool? I used to think you were a tad smarter than Doodles, Method, and Apollo, but now I'm not so sure.
You KNOW that what you say is bullshit, and so do the bright pwople here. You and the Uber intelligentsia (oxymoron) are at odds. . .
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Do you see my point?
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-12-31 07:19:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Not even worthy of a -2.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-12-31 05:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasn't meant to be amusing to you, asshole, only to the smart people.
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Sorry, we didn't like it either. I will 0 it to try to keep it around, though.
Don't be discouraged. Your insult exchanges in the the reviews - we call them 'reviewars' or 'Bubbasts' at our meetings - are occasionally the highlight of an otherwise frightfully poor post.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-12-31 05:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Awful
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2008-12-31 03:27:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Bub, just what the hell were you trying to DO down there? You ticked off all of your friends, most of your neighbors, and everyone on that stupid website you hung out on..."
heh
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-12-30 23:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasn't meant to be amusing to you, asshole, only to the smart people.
_____
"Excuse me, Saint Penis, I..."
"That's PETER," he roared
____
You've mastered some delicate wit there, Dickens.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:34:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thetruedudeguy (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Terrible.
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Yep, you sure paid me back, didn't you asshole?
Submitted by thetruedudeguy (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:28:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Terrible.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasn't meant to be amusing to you, asshole, only to the smart people.
What happened to your vow to ignore me?
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-12-30 22:14:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I gotta tell ya.
I didn't find this to be amusing at all
p.s.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/120434#2838086
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-12-30 21:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn! I just heard a sonic boom!
It must have been the children of the world breathing a sigh of relief.