ADD09 - Tennessee Jed (557 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.66 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JesterLilt (View user info) at 2009-01-15 07:17:12 EST
"Tennessee Jed... Who the fuck is Tennessee Jed?" The man less affectionately called 'The Walrus' paced across the kitchen floor as he tried to vent the anger inside him. He was trouserless in a vest and he scratched his balls as he marched.
"How the fuck am I supposed to know, it just came on the radio, I was listening to it and for your information liking it at the same time." The woman also less affectionately called 'The Roach' pulled her lips tight across her teeth in a sneer when replying to the big oaf of a man strutting his twenty stone, fat useless lard ass before her.
The Walrus had been drinking and when he'd been drinking, he got nasty. It was clear this evening was going to be a far cry from a comfortable night curled up on the couch watching The X Factor, Dancing on Ice or Big Brother, whichever trash reality TV show happened to be broadcasting its mind rot and filled up an average day in her mundane life.
The Roach turned to leave the kitchen heading upstairs leaden with a stack of finished ironing. "Where the fuck do you think you're going you stupid cunt? I'll bet you've been out sucking some redneck's syphilis cock. That'll be why you're listening to that shit on the radio." The Walrus called after her as she ascended the stairs. When she didn't reply, he began following her up the stairs reluctant to let his drunken torture stop without a rise from the woman.
"Is that it is it? You're not content with the bastard children you've got that you've been down the pub fanny clamping some hick who thought you might be a good lay through the bottom of his pint glass? Did you fancy yourself trailer trash last night when you were jumping on his cock? Look at me when I'm talking to you!" The Roach turned at the top of the stairs and sighed. She lifted the ironing high above her head and threw it at the bulbous wobbling mass plodding up behind her.
It caught him full in the face and for a moment he teetered on the edge of the step on which he stood. Time stopped for a second before recommencing. His centre of gravity shifted as he fell backwards tumbling to the bottom of the stairs, legs splayed and pink bear ass pointed skyward. He hit a wall opposite the bottom of the stairs full force bursting a hole in the plasterboard.
The Roach picked up a jug of water she'd been using to water plants earlier. Casually she walked along the corridor upstairs which looked down above the spot The Walrus had landed. She lifted the jug and tipped its freezing cold water contents on the balls of the writhing maggot body below. The Walrus shrieked, clutching his genital area and squirming as though he'd been stranded on black ice.
"That 'redneck' I'm fucking is your boss, your oldest son is not yours and I want a fucking divorce." She stopped pouring, went into her bedroom flipping the switch on the radio to the sound of Tennessee Jed.
Wordcount = 529
User Reviews
Submitted by FlintofFred (user info) at 2009-01-25 12:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wheeeeee! PLUS TWO.
Submitted by Cardboard_Box (user info) at 2009-01-25 12:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wheeeeee! PLUS TWO.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-23 18:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NO EGGS AND NO JOHN MOZELIAK = AUTO -2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-01-23 18:11:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/kaos-king/l/add09
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-01-22 01:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-16 10:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried to pick a fight and failed. Oh gone are the days I used to be controversial. lol
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-15 21:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-15 15:51:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jed
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-15 15:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-01-15 14:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Tennessee, Tennessee,
there ain't no place I'd rather be.
Baby won't you carry meeeeeeeeee
back to Tennessee?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-01-15 14:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I found the language a bit purple - like you weren't comfortable with the voice you were using. Not bad though.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 14:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 16:00:15 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes seriously. You get men who like to feed their women or like fat women.
He comes home from work everynight with a plastic bag full of junk food for her and she sits and noshes her way through it. It's very sad, she was once a very pretty girl.
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Are you suggesting large girls can't be pretty? That is what it sounds like to me.
The suggestion that slim girls = attractive is just unhealthy.
At the moment, after birthing my child, I am a UK 14/16 (thats like a US size 10 or something) and to be honest sweet 'ums, there ain't never been a time in my life when I have had so much male attention. As long as you are healthy curves are FAR more beautiful than skin and bone.
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Erm no Orphelia I'm not suggesting fat girls can't be pretty... I'm saying my brother in law likes fat women and he feeds my big sister. She's no longer pretty because as a result of eating all the wrong food she is covered in acne, she's glucose intolerant, has underactive thyroid and polycystic ovaries. The underactive thyroid isn't to do with eating the wrong stuff but the rest of it is attributable to poor diet. It's very sad because she's only 30 and has the body of a 50 year old woman and she's my sister. She was never slim apart from once when she was a teenager she lost loads of weight because she got glandular fever. She's always been curvy but she used to be incredibly attractive. It's sad because she's sad and uncomfortable in her own skin.
In short, I agree with you. Slim girls does not = attractive and the most attractive girls are the ones who look healthy.
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2009-01-15 12:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great entry.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-15 12:11:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okey dokey
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-15 12:02:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, there is more wrong with that comment then meets the eye.
On the whole though, makes you look like a judgemental bitch.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-15 12:01:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 16:00:15 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes seriously. You get men who like to feed their women or like fat women.
He comes home from work everynight with a plastic bag full of junk food for her and she sits and noshes her way through it. It's very sad, she was once a very pretty girl.
----------------------
Are you suggesting large girls can't be pretty? That is what it sounds like to me.
The suggestion that slim girls = attractive is just unhealthy.
At the moment, after birthing my child, I am a UK 14/16 (thats like a US size 10 or something) and to be honest sweet 'ums, there ain't never been a time in my life when I have had so much male attention. As long as you are healthy curves are FAR more beautiful than skin and bone.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-15 11:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wordcount = 529
I agree with MWGs that is an awesome last line
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-01-15 11:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-15 09:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great last line.
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-01-15 09:34:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*babbles*
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 09:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pervert
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Believe me EI, if I was aiming, I wouldn't miss.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 13:48:43 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, I know you're alive. What's wrong EI, do you need your tummy rubbed again?
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tummy?
if thats where you aim, you are off the mark ;)
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*furious applause*
Well done. Great imaging.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, I know you're alive. What's wrong EI, do you need your tummy rubbed again?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know, I AM ALIVE
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112360
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112386
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114948
Just some of the few written by me under pseudonyms/alters that were rated NOT because "sicosemen" wrote them.
I could provide more but I'm spent.
Besides, you aren't even fun to rile up any more.
Have a good day, I guess.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:35:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-01-15 13:31:51 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ball busting appreciated particularly when my head is thumping from impromtu vodka consumption last night.
====
I understand that! I've had some painful, hazy, post-tequila mornings myself.
----
I've never taken part in a dead arm competition before. Vodka took the pain away but it really bloody hurts now! I think I'm going to be sporting a fist sized bruise on my left arm later today to match an equal sized bruise I acquired roller derbying a couple of nights ago...
I'm falling to pieces...
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:33:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And sico if you call greatness stalking little girls in the hope you might one day get to fiddle with them then you are indeed great.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ball busting appreciated particularly when my head is thumping from impromtu vodka consumption last night.
====
I understand that! I've had some painful, hazy, post-tequila mornings myself.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
god FG you grumpy HO
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You Brits realize that Yanks, in general, have trouble understanding stone weights, yes?
And what would a redneck hick be doing owning a business in Britian anyway?
How did the icy water hit his genitals if he landed bare ass up?
j/k
Just busting your chops this fine morning.
Meh. Fuck the "fine" morning. It is -3F (-19.45C) here and I'm feckin' COLD!
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He isn't actually a redneck hick the husband guy is just sounding off and its just what he says because there happens to be some country rock on the radio and he's drunk.
Note he's writhing on the floor.
Ball busting appreciated particularly when my head is thumping from impromtu vodka consumption last night.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to offset my grumpiness because of the frigid weather that I'm sure originated in Caul's country.
Bastard.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You Brits realize that Yanks, in general, have trouble understanding stone weights, yes?
And what would a redneck hick be doing owning a business in Britian anyway?
How did the icy water hit his genitals if he landed bare ass up?
j/k
Just busting your chops this fine morning.
Meh. Fuck the "fine" morning. It is -3F (-19.45C) here and I'm feckin' COLD!
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You came in to late to even remember any of my greatness!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Banjo, I dont hate you, I just admire your breasts.
EI NO HATE
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
whatever sico. I don't think you're in a position to measure the amount of suck in anything being the suckiest person in existence.
When did the hate start EI. Careful here, I might cry.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The flagrant amount of suck in this warrants a -2.
Try harder next time.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:16:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh i hate you
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flash_fiction
This is flash fiction.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Define Flash Fiction...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-15 08:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno, but this doesnt seem very 'flash fiction' to me.
but hell its a nice ole tale