ADD 09 R1 - The Golden Icepick (491 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tardleby the Gruemaster (View user info) at 2009-01-16 11:07:23 EST
The Golden Icepick
Terry and Mike went outside with their pails of water and quickly realized that the show on ice sculpture they'd been watching while drunk and high was difficult to replicate on the balcony of their 44th floor apartment in the city when the wind chill is -40. Mike threw his water over the edge and it immediately froze into ice droplets that reflected the streetlights as they fell. Terry did the same with a similar result. In their intoxicated minds, they were making art.
After an hour or so of throwing buckets of varying-temperature water over the balcony they grew bored of the game and went inside to their surprisingly-cold apartment. The wind will quickly chill an apartment if the balcony door is left wide open, they realized. They laughed and blamed each other and got out the old PS2. Mike told Terry to set up the game while he went to pee. A thought occurred to him, and he went out onto the balcony. Buzzed as he was it took a bit of doing, but Mike managed to pull his penis out of his pants in the bitter cold to urinate on the balcony rail. As the stream struck the aluminum, it froze. Eventually it made a cloudy yellow icicle almost 18 inches long. Laughing, Mike went back inside to get Terry. Mike started to tell Terry about the piss-cicle but the game was ready to go and Mike was high, so he quickly forgot about his adventure on the balcony in favor of splattering aliens.
A few days passed and the air had warmed up some although it was still too cold to do much outside. It'd been a long day at work, and Terry was looking forward to getting home so he could bong up and play some video games. He wondered if Mike was home yet. Walking across the parking lot, he looked up to his apartment balcony in time to see the blur of the golden icepick just before it plunged through his left eye into his brain.
346 Words
Less than 1 hour
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-23 18:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm up against this guy, right?
what the fuck does this post have to do with eggs?
or with john mozeliak?
i'm going to have to say that you're disqualified, gonefiguring.
i'm sorry, but if we don't follow the rules, it's all just anarchy. ANARCHY.
BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-01-23 18:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/kaos-king/l/add09
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-01-22 01:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-01-16 19:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you go right to hell for that.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-01-16 16:00:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-01-16 15:55:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2009-01-16 15:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-01-16 15:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you= auto +2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done, Tardleby.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I can post that gawdawful pic of a donkey you can come up with a little sumpin sumpin.
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That was meant for Scourge
Submitted by Offspring (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice entry.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I can post that gawdawful pic of a donkey you can come up with a little sumpin sumpin.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What asshole provided this title?
:D
C'mon, Scourge, do yo thang!
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mpemba effect
Auto +2
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw Scourge, please don't forfeit! You know you'll come up with a piece of last minute genius to shame all works gone before.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha...
i actually had a 'golden showers' thought flash through my mind when i saw that retarded fucking title assigned to us.
i'm probs going to forfeit from this motherbitch though.
if not i'm going to post a 99 word poem and then piss and bitch and moan when kaos tries to disqualify me. i'll probably call him a nazi.
what's the deadline for this anwyway?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:11:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, okay. This competition is producing some depressing pieces.