Grimm's Personal Ad (With Bonus Camwhore) (1411 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.06 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grimm <--grimmguy747.at.gmail--> (View user info) at 2009-01-16 11:10:47 EST
I'm right here waiting.
You know, that guy you've been hoping for? The 'normal' guy who doesn't live with his parents and won't expect you to put out on the first date? The one who tells you his name rather than send you an X Rated picture of himself?
Oh, don't worry, I've learned to deal with picture rejection remarkably well. I've just started to believe that upon seeing my picture, women are immediately moved to run somewhere and masturbate, then completely forget to write me back. That's how I'm gonna roll.
So, once again it's time for a nice multiple choice test to see if you score high enough to email me. Scoring and Ranking is at the end.
Question 1:
You are:
A. Female
B. Transsexual
C. Don't Know
D. Penguin
Question 2:
I'm 30 years old and looking for an LTR. You Are:
A. 25-35, looking for romance, long talks about silly stuff, and a desire to let me cook fabulous meals for you
B. 18-24, phenomenally easy, very dumb, and have an irresistible oral fixation
C. 35-40, beyond desperate, burning for children and marriage, and a little uptight.
D. 40-55, looking for a younger man to seduce and buy nice things for as long as I do that 'thing' you like.
Question 3:
You meet a guy online, and you swap pictures. He's not the chiseled surfer dude with mile-wide shoulders you imagined.
So you:
A. Decide looks are unimportant, and agree to his feeble and dorky offer to buy you dinner.
B. Tell him he's a very funny guy and you're sure he'll find what he's looking for, because it sure as hell ain't gonna be you.
C. Forward the picture to all your friends with a caption like: "Look at this guy. He's sort of frog-like, isn't he?"
D. Never write to him again, delete the picture, destroy the computer, and burn down the house.
Question 4:
When on a first date with a stranger, you most prefer the type of man who:
A. Pays for dinner, maybe opens a door for you, doesn't grab your chest and make honking sounds
B. Stares inappropriately and intensely at nearby dogs.
C. Refuses to walk anywhere without his "Good-Luck Canoe.", which you must help him carry.
D. Sits there in complete silence except to occasionally mutter: "What can WE possibly have to say to HER?"
Question 5:
Your "type" is:
A. Over six foot, shaved head, a complete dork, and never gets into barfights.
B. Plays Water Polo and wrestles wild rhino for charity
C. A violinist/butler/assassin who speaks French and is untrustworthy.
D. Billionaire Leader of a ruthless Drug Cartel.
Score your answers as follows:
Every A: Ten Points
Every B: Seven Points
Every C: Three Points
Every D: One Point
The highest possible score is fifty. The lowest possible score is five, unless you left some blank.
If you got:
0-4 - I think you're retarded
5-10 - If you talk to me, I'm calling the cops
10-20 - You forgot to take your pills today
20-30 - Send me your picture. If you're hot, I can overlook anything
30-40 - You and I need to talk a little. And have a lot of sex.
40-50 - You're obviously my soul mate. Dinner tonight?
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-05-10 18:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to the Dude Upstairs?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2009-01-19 18:23:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm, why am I always done in by the peniguins?
Submitted by bromide (user info) at 2009-01-19 08:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That is really a nice jacket.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-01-18 18:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-01-18 13:22:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2009-01-18 12:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, I came back to Über in the face of an uncomfortable mix of profound stress, incredible laziness, and extreme sleep deprivation, wanting only to -2 a post to make myself feel better about the shitty job I'm doing on my homework.
Instead, I commend you all for being such strange motherfuckers. Don't deny it, it's okay. Wallow in it, like you do (did?) in Method's alters' camwhores. And though none of you probably remember me, I remember your usernames and am impressed and amazed that y'all've stuck it out so long on this god-awful website (Sorry, Bart, someone had to say it).
By the way, Grimm, though I'm supposed to be cruel and superficial at my age, I don't think you look like a boiled potato. Keep the canoe in your garage until the third date and something will work out for you.
Go ahead, now, and spam all my years-old posts and mock me for not knowing anything about life because I'm still in college.
Love and best wishes,
Ripple
Submitted by evilmedley (user info) at 2009-01-17 00:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh. and I love penguins.
Submitted by evilmedley (user info) at 2009-01-17 00:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow. you's one ugly mother fucka.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 18:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But have you got a big chin though? Is that why you're covering it up with your camera?
What somebody down below said about Fench assassins. You need a plant and a Natalie Portman and white socks and learn to use a gun --> speak to Skrappy, apparently he can advise on silencers.
And you must drink milk but not like Mr. T.
You get what I'm saying yes?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-01-16 18:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2009-01-16 17:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My answers: D, G, F, 7, A duck.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2009-01-16 17:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good luck with that.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-01-16 16:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You look like Burt Kwouk.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-01-16 15:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"C. Refuses to walk anywhere without his "Good-Luck Canoe.", which you must help him carry."
Ha!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
next door to you.
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Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where are you moving to inion?
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The neighbors will call the cops. Too many slurping sounds.
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What, from you sucking the funny out of everything you geriatric never-was?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
next door to you.
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Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where are you moving to inion?
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The neighbors will call the cops. Too many slurping sounds.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-16 14:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
use a less blurry photo without the pleading look and it will work better
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:42:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You look like you've kiestered your fair share of cocks.
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"Keister" is a verb now? These kids today, I tell you....
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:41:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or even Grimm.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You aren't grim.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You look like you've kiestered your fair share of cocks.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. You're a funny guy, I'm sure you'll find true love.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
37
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I got this far before Clerks ran through my head and I laughed.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:07:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
37 - I've posted more than enough camwhores.
but I'maprude
and you look like a frog, so you'd BETTER be a french assasin/butler...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-16 13:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have your favorite pants. Hand over the Jacket or I'll send them back to you one thread at a time.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:54:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The jacket. I want it.
____________________________
I get stopped on the street and complimented on that jacket.
I want to be buried in it.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The jacket. I want it.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:37:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sadly, you have almost zero chance of "scoring" with chicks.
Try "dudes" instead.
___________________________
This ad has gotten me two different gals. One was average, the other was cute, both were crazy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sadly, you have almost zero chance of "scoring" with chicks.
Try "dudes" instead.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I got 50 but it wasn't hard. And whatever you ask next, the answer is no.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You ooze desperation and self loathing. You pathetic man. if you get any e-mails from crazy bitches, then you should post them here.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no no, i'm moving anyway this fall. one way or a fucking nother i'm leaving this shitty state and shitty town and shitty job and doing something else. because almost anything else at this point is better.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bit extreme coming to UK because of life explosion. I would recommend you didn't move in next to me. That's not being evil unwelcoming that's me having your best interests at heart.
NE of England all the way. If you move anywhere, move there and if not there then Scotland. Edinburgh has a few roller derby teams and they do the annual boot camps there.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well i hope. who the fuck knows? they've asked for my college transcripts despite the fact none of it is transferrable or required to get in even by their own standards. which is bizarre to say the least. and so the first half is great. the parts where my life blew up in every other area are shit. so who knows?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 12:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
next door to you.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where are you moving to inion?
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
50 - 60, most down in the south of england. One team where I play... or most of a team at least.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and chalk one more thing up i can have there that i have here.
sweet. how many teams does it have? us has 2-300 i think.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
lol @ banjo pulling my pigtails.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:51:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes it does, I play. Loads of teams in the UK.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:49:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I only fight with skates on anyway http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=BtJz3gCOegY
Orphy is just confused scourge. She needs to zoom in if she is to find what you wanted to show her in that pic.
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because i'm not at lunch yet and can't click that link. does the uk have rollerderby? taht would make my week.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
all i am saying scourge is the remark was pretty inoffensive compared to some stuff i and others have thrown at me. and i have been saying, i need my contoversy back, i have been too nice. my add post, which i haven't written yet, will need heat. heat is everything.
grimm, tele savalas phoned, he wants his haircut back
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:47:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I only fight with skates on anyway http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=BtJz3gCOegY
Orphy is just confused scourge. She needs to zoom in if she is to find what you wanted to show her in that pic.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge is cruel.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:47:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't decide if you look more like:
A. A hardboiled egg
B. A freshly peeled potato
C. One of these poor babies that age too quickly and have an old man face
D. Boy George
E. Howie Mandell
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:46:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
IBS sympathy +2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:45:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hush you, orphy is easier to rile up
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you fools shut the fuck up and get back to bashing me? That is why I posted, not to listen to you red-faced idiots acting like you need a nap.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:41:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
you are quick to say that your words weren't a hissy fit, though they sure seem removed from your normal tone a good bit. but okay, fine. there was no hissy fit.
... but then you refer to people taking you to task a little bit as being 'beaten down' and talk about 'rushing to defend the honour of so and so' and it gets me confused because the two languages just don't really go together all that well. you know?
and quit trying to identify it as shit stirring so early on, it takes all the fun out of it.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like how you assume i am knocked up by the same guy
scourge has been on my case ever since i failed to reply to the cock shots he mailed me
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's fine Scourge, Orphy reckons I'm a spoiled dadddy's girl who took 16 yrs to grow out of barbies and would simply die if I didn't get to go pony trekking with all my friends at the weekend.
Which is fine because I think Orphy shared a bed with her 12 immigrant siblings before she was auctioned off by her parents to her hoe daddy who keeps knocking her up.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I have your jacket?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nah, scourge is just shit stirring woth a giant spoon, but we can go outside and cat fight anyway.
in thongs.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha scourge, really, expressing an opinion is a hissy fit?
nah, not nasty at all, i have said it to her before and she lolled, only you making an issue about it. never see you rush to my honour when i am cbeaten down.
shush now, speccy.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Has Orphelia has a hissy fit at me?
Oi Orphy wanna take this outside love? You aint pregnant anymore, we can fight nasty!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
peggy?
who's peggy?
tigerlilly?
if so, that's a pretty mean nickname coming from someone who had a hissy fit at banjo yesterday for simply saying something about her sister getting fat.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was under the impression peggy was the ho. thats what the brits heard, her 6 to hilaritys 3
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:16:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought ALL the guys on here slept with Hilarity, so it's not much of a distinction
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:15:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't decide if you look more like:
A. A hardboiled egg
B. A freshly peeled potato
C. One of these poor babies that age too quickly and have an old man face
D. Boy George
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:15:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2009-01-16 16:13:15 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ChaosJester in 20 years with an iPhone. Congrats.
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lol.
cj's dad
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh hey... you're one of the guys from uber who has slept with hilarity, but you're the one who flipped out afterwards and made like 100 references to it, right?
okay!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2009-01-16 11:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ChaosJester in 20 years with an iPhone. Congrats.