Barack Osama and Iraq (472 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: -1.83 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Joking Jokester (View user info) at 2009-01-20 11:47:31 EST
So there I was, smoking about fifteen pounds of meth and jerking off, when who walks into my bathroom but Balack Hussein Osama? I instantly puked as his nigger stench wafted over to me and invaded my nostrils. When he saw me laying spread eagle on the floor spraying shit and cum everywhere he vomited, doo. Anyway, he said "Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing in the oval office?!" "THOR HITLER LAWRENCE AND FUCK YOU!" I screeched. Then I dragged him out on the White House lawn and hung him from from a 100% hemp rope while stabbing his cock and balls with a sewing needle. I was having a grand old time murdering that subhuman creature when his two niglet kids and slut wife ran up to me and were all like "Yo you bes stop dat!" I whipped around and beheaded his wife with my katana. Within days people all over the country were talking about how getting beheaded was the newest fashion. Then I grabbed Malika or whatever the fuck her name is and crammed my fist so far up her cunt I punched her heart. Then I flexed my arm muscles so hard that her body EXPLODED! Then I grabbed her other daughter's feet and smashed her monkey face in on the Lincon Memorial. The ghost of Abe Lincon himself rose the fuck from the grave to congratulate me. Then he said that *I* was the new president now! The first thing I did was take the original copy of the constitution and wipe my ass with it, then eat it. Then I wrote this post.
All of this REALLY HAPPENED! It is totally, completely true, and if you don't believe me then I'll have you sent to a gulag where you'll have plenty of time to doubt me while you're eating shit and digging uranium out of the ground with your bare hands!
User Reviews
Submitted by spittle8 (user info) at 2009-02-23 10:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The genius of your work is in the prose. This one wasn't as good, but it had some high points.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Where are the jokes?
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PioneerBill (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-20 12:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You ever tried Mentoing meth? I've heard it's a really intense high but it's kind of difficult to pull off. I haven't seen it done as meth is not my thing, but I heard about it.
You'll need some equipment:
-Your meth, obviously.
-A couple Mentos candies
-A 3 ft piece of garden hose
-A facial tissue or few squares of toilet paper
-A condom
-Duct tape
-A 2L bottle of Diet Coke
1.Wad up the tissure and stick it in the end of the hose, down a half inch or so
2.Put your meth on the tissue
3.Place the condom over the end of the hose
4.Make a ring of duct tape over the other end of the hose that will seal the hose to the outside of the open bottle of Diet Coke.
5.Shove the condom end of the hose in your ass
* the next two steps must happen quickly - you may need a friend to help *
6/7. Drop the Mentos in the bottle and seal the hose to the open top
8. Be high.
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-01-20 11:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Four one-way tickets to Alaska coming right up!
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2009-01-20 11:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just bloody awful!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-01-20 11:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2009-01-20 11:48:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I got bored very early on.
Submitted by esceptico (user info) at 2009-01-20 11:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
naaahhh
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2009-01-20 11:48:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I got bored very early on.