Think Obama can salvage my love life, too? (663 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.25 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (View user info) at 2009-01-20 14:17:30 EST
Why is it always about a girl?
I had her once, loved her, did everything a good sweetie is supposed to do. Distance separated us, and we grew apart. She moved on, I didn't. Your standard garbage.
I've been trying to win her back for just about a year now. I don't think I've ever worked this hard in my life. I've gone the extra mile, spent the extra dollar, and just tried to be extra-special.
Literally, I have changed for this woman. I see it in myself, I've grown, I've become a better person.
It's rare that a woman can do that, and so I know I can't give up.
For all the moments I hate her, despise her for subjecting me to this endless turmoil raging in my soul...I can't stop trying. Even through her faults, I still have to be with her. It's...instinct.
But I still have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.
Some days I try and win her back with kindness, some days through guilt, and sometimes just by trying to get in her pants.
Ladies, you cannot tell me you've never fallen for the man who you banged randomly at a party that one night.
...Liar.
Seriously. You're kidding yourself. And while you're at it, acknowledge your love handles. They exist, and they're poking over your jeans like a patty between the bun.
Back to me. We're done talking about you. Sorry.
What do I do? Do I try a new approach? Do I give up? Or do I just wait?
I hate that I wrote this. I'm just desperate, need an outside perspective, and didn't want to sound like a whiny bitch. Pardon my attempt at inclusive humor.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-01-22 13:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't be bothered to read your story, but that is definately an awesome picture!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2009-01-21 13:37:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where all the white women at?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-21 13:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time to move on brother.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-01-21 12:14:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Muffin is a strange and amusing word.
So far this week I have worked over 28 hours. Everything is fucking hilarious, even my Dr. Pepper and the fact that I can only take a 15 minute lunch break.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-01-21 12:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And while you're at it, acknowledge your love handles. They exist, and they're poking over your jeans like a patty between the bun.
*****************
A) The fact that you said the above should give you your answer.
B) Love handles folding over jeans...this is called "muffin top". It's even on Wikipedia. See? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muffin_top
Submitted by HotDogma (user info) at 2009-01-20 22:12:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
have sex with her friends, immediate family or pets.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-01-20 18:23:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my now-ex-girlfriend a while ago wanted to break up with me because i did not agree that obama would solve all the world's problems. i told her that blind faith is not a particularly strong base on which to stand and she got seriously pissed off. we did not break up that day but it set in motion a series of events which did eventually lead to our breakup.
so in a way, obama killed my relationship. if my name were inigo montoya, i would suggest to obama that he be prepared to die.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-01-20 16:34:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
For some people, he probably CAN.
You're not one of the people he can help.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-01-20 16:12:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-20 15:42:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-20 15:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-01-20 15:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should get a boom box circa 1983 and stand outside her window playing the gayest song you can find.
works every time.
------------------
Of course it works. Gets you some dick, huh?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-20 15:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-01-20 15:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should get a boom box circa 1983 and stand outside her window playing the gayest song you can find.
works every time.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-01-20 15:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Now dig: She's dead, Jim. Forget the bitch and wander downtown to fag corner. You know you want to. . . .
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-01-20 15:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should get a boom box circa 1983 and stand outside her window playing the gayest song you can find.
works every time.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2009-01-20 14:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Um. I'm sorry for you, but relegate her to brainghost and find a new hobby. Good luck.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-20 14:43:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Obama will salvage your love life by preventing you from having as much sex with her as you normally might, but that will be offset by the fact that now every homeless in your area guy gets to fingerbang her on the first of the month. Won't everyone be better off that way?
(cue Bone Thugs-N-Harmony)
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2009-01-20 14:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I've been trying to win her back for just about a year now."
You've already pooched this deal. A year? Seriously?! How could she possibly ever hope to respect someone who's fawned over her for a year?
By now, she sees you only as a drone. Someone who'll dote over her and tell her that her shit don't stink. Pathetic man.
Honestly, reverse the roles in your mind. What would you do if some chick tried to "win you back" for an entire year? You'd either "give in" and treat her like crap, since she's demonstrated that she would take it or you'd keep ignoring her and find a woman who doesn't think you're the second coming and who you can respect.
In summary, just let it go.
but on the bright side, we have a new president, so we've got that goin' for us.
Caaaaannnnn yooooouuuuuuuuu dig it?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-01-20 14:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
never change for a woman. If she's not into you as you are it will never end well.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2009-01-20 14:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop wasting your time. Find something else to focus your life on.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-20 14:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you are convincing yourself that you are a better person, even if you are, it has nothing to do with her.
Submitted by Sidivan (user info) at 2009-01-20 14:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Find a new girl. Infatuation =/= love. You're much much better off in a relationship where you don't have to bust your ass just so she pays attention to you. Even if she does fall for you, you're already on a destructive path. Find somebody who actually likes you.