Sisters, Brothers - Canadians. (772 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.82 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fungah (View user info) at 2009-01-21 13:43:23 EST
Sisters, Brothers - Canadians.
I stand here before you with an iron will, determined, my gaze cast out with uncertainty toward the future like a fisherman's net into the vast seas. Canada, we have problems, and they are problems that must be faced. Ask anyone from the maritimes, pulling their nets out of the sea, as likely to be empty as to be full, and they'll tell you the same. Ask the Bay Street traders, the pairie farmers, the CEOs and the fast food workers, the loggers and the executives, and they'll tell you the same. Times are hard they'll tell you with a shrug of their shoulders. What can be done?
Canada, I'm here today to tell you that there is much that can be done. Though I, like you, may gaze toward the future with uncertainty, my conviction is unwavering. I'm here today to tell you that we will face the hardships of economic turmoil with stalwart defiance, and scream out toward those who would crush our spirits, with heads held high, that we will not be defeated!
Our neighbors to the south have made a real mess of things, and this mess has begun to spill onto our shores. Like America, Canada's real estate market has seen better days, many industries have been laying off their employees en mass, and our auto industry is hovering over the brink, clinging to life with atrophied arms, arms that once protectively and benevolently provided jobs for thousands.
Though we may be weakened, Canada, we are not defeated. I will be a torch in night, blazing the way forward, I will be a voice in a crowd screaming "yes", wearing my lungs raw over the tumult of millions screaming "no".
It is because of this Canada, that I am here today, to tell you about my plan, to lay out a path winding around the pitfalls of this age and into a freer tomorrow. Canada, we will build an enormous penis.
Canada, this triumphant penis will show to the world that we will stand with our heads held high and our backs erect. Canada, our penis will, for the first time, cast a shadow onto our neighbours to the south and let them know that Canada will not limply sit by and allow their glory to priapismically loom forever above our national pride. Canada, we will be the veins of this penis, and I will be its tip.
This penis will create jobs for the jobless, homes for the homeless, and recognition from those around the world. This penis will tower taller than the CN tower, and dwarf the Burj Dubai. This penis will have gift shops and luxury apartments, it's testicles will play host to sports teams from around the world. This penis, most importantly of all, will demonstrate to the world once and for all that Canada is not a laughing stock, and will now and forever draw attention to the pretentious insecurities of our less endowed neighbours.
No longer will Canada selflessly aid those other countries which are in need, but instead turn her eyes lustily inward at the towering erection that will now and forever signify the limitless heights of Canadian potential. Our penis, Canada, will now and forever let us know that we will rise to these heights, that we are capable of anything.
Canada, together, we will build a giant cock.
P.S.
It'll shoot missiles too.
User Reviews
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2009-01-23 02:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome... now if you could just supplant the words "my friends" for "Canada", you'd have a John McCain speech.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2009-01-21 20:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by evilmedley (user info) at 2009-01-21 19:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Giant cock IS the solution to every problem.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-01-21 19:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-01-21 13:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Contrary to popular belief, giant cock is not the solution to every problem.
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Getting one may not be, but having one pretty much is.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-01-21 18:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
scary.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-01-21 17:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A gold star for you.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-01-21 17:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-01-21 20:59:21 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love giant cocks:)
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Little bit too much info there Lishy.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-01-21 17:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sixteen kinds of awesome.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-01-21 17:05:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A long time ago I wrote a story about a guy captured by a group of women in a post-apocalyptic world. It turned out that the women ate penises. In fact, they fed their whole tribe penismeat. One penis could feed the whole tribe... after severing the organ, hooking it up to vaguely-described machine and enlarging it to the size of Saturn V rocket held up by its own gantry.
I wrote that story in Canada.
COINCIDENCE???
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-01-21 16:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Liar below
v
v
v
v
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-01-21 15:59:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid of giant cocks:(
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2009-01-21 15:50:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-01-21 15:24:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 Canadians being penis veins.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-01-21 15:14:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"priapismically loom forever above our national pride"
+2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I watched "Canadian Bacon" the other day, what a great documentry.
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Shut it Yankee Pig Dog
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I watched "Canadian Bacon" the other day, what a great documentry.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of missiles will your tower be shooting and to where/whom will they be shot?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol snarks a dumbass
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:23:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is canadia in france?
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Yes
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is canadia in france?
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe, peener
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
apparently i typed 'YOUR AUTO INDUSTRY', and then i went to take a piss before finishing whatever pithy comment i was going to make about the canadian auto industry.
when i came back i saw that staring at me and i didn't even remember reading this, so i added the question mark and a +2 and hit the button and hoped it was an applicable comment to the topic at hand.
i guess you could put out of work auto manufacturers on the giant penis project.
i always type 'ginat' when i'm going for 'giant' and have to go back and fix it.
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ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat ginat
I have no idea why I did that.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
apparently i typed 'YOUR AUTO INDUSTRY', and then i went to take a piss before finishing whatever pithy comment i was going to make about the canadian auto industry.
when i came back i saw that staring at me and i didn't even remember reading this, so i added the question mark and a +2 and hit the button and hoped it was an applicable comment to the topic at hand.
i guess you could put out of work auto manufacturers on the giant penis project.
i always type 'ginat' when i'm going for 'giant' and have to go back and fix it.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:06:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to hear what the French think first.
Submitted by Sidivan (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's probably the greatest idea ever.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, I think we make Japanese cars as well.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
We make American cars too.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-01-21 14:02:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOUR AUTO INDUSTRY?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-01-21 13:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Contrary to popular belief, giant cock is not the solution to every problem.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-01-21 13:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.