Dangerdude takes on China! (Plus bonus camwhore!) (846 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.2 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dangerdude (View user info) at 2009-01-31 21:55:42 EST
Ok, so I've been trading emails with a Nigerian email scammer of late.
I recently got an email while job searching on craigslist. I managed to decifer its cryptic Engrish, and from the gist of it they were looking for a driver of some sort.
Here's the first email:
Dear applicant,
After reviewing your submitted Resume Message.We gladly
offer you a short term employment to our opening vacant position.Our
agent (Mrs Kathy) will be arriving from (china ) in a couple of days
and will be lodging in an hotel near your location there or out side
your location.if you are interested in this job you will be
responsible for taking her around to the places she needs to go and
where she will be attending (it is taken for granted that you know
your local).The hours you will work is flexible and not more than 4
hours a day weekly. If interested,please, get back to us with your
contact information.
Please if you are interested Kindly Get back to us with your
contact information as it will appear on your Appointment Letter for
your resume, which will also be in our Hiring
Database System. Thanks and we look forward to having you contribute
your best to the development of the Company.Once again if interested
and accept the working condition kindly reply the above information as
soon as possible. Since this position is needed, you will have many of
free time while enjoying a good income. We appreciate your interest.
Regards,
Now, maybe it was the fact that they never once used the name of this "company", maybe it was the horrible grammar, it might even have been the fact that they forgot to "sign" the email, but I became suspicious. I sent a reply, however, assuming that it really was some foreigner with a limited grasp of the English language. I replied, and filled out the half-asses application that was included with the email.
Here you are. FYI, I drive a reliable 2002 volkswagen jetta with a very roomy backseat so your
client should be quite comfortable.
First Name:
XXXXXXX
Last Name:
XXXXXXX
Address:
XXXXXXX
Email:
XXXXXXX
Age:
22
Gender:
Male
License class:
Passenger Vehicle
Salary History:
Average: $9.50/hour (tips included)
Current Employer:
Student: Illinois State University
I was pleased by the swift response. This "Company" was quite professional. :)
Hello
Thank you for your response to my last email, and the contact
details you have provided is accurate. I would like to tell you that
you will be receiving a payment for service you are to render for the
Company's agent.
Her arrival date should be Feb 11th. I will prefer you have your
car available but if you don't have a car, the company would provide a
decent car. I would like to tell you that you will be receiving a
payment for $3,500.00 from our client, $850.00 for your services,the
rest being payment for her hotel and other expenses she may in cure in
the course of her stay.
I would like to tell you since we do not have a representative on
ground there in your location,you'd be representing our interest once
you get the payment, you'd be sending the $2,500 to an hotel manager
where Mrs Cathrine will be staying when she arrives to state but the
hotel might not be in your state it may be in another location where
she preferred i will email the hotel manager details of our choice
which is yet to be decided and will be communicated to you in due
course.I believe you can handle this, I'll be looking forward to your
response in your next email...
Regards,
He thinks I can handle this! How wonderful! Again, no names, and apparently now they are going to trust me with this woman's entire expense account, without even speaking to me on the phone even once. Wow, the Chinese sure are a trusting people! What's to stop me from simply taking the money and not transferring the funds? Because there never was any money, obviously! I popped on over to Google and did a little research, and apparently there will be some forged checks or money orders headed in the mail as I type this.
Now I decided it was time to bait the trap. I've sent a reply, voicing a few concerns. Someone in my position would not simply agree to this without working out a few details.
I still need more details about your client's itinerary. I need to know where she will be
staying and where I will be picking her up. I need to make it clear that I am a student and I
have to attend classes during the week in bloomington, IL, and therefore may be unable to make
any overnight trips. If Mrs. Cathrine will be staying in the central Illinois area this should
not be a problem, but if she needs to make long trips (more than 100 miles) during the times
when I need to be in class then I will not be able to drive for her. I apologize if this is a
problem, but if it is not I will be happy to help in any way I can.
Also, is it nessecary for me to be the one managing your client's expenses?it might make more
sense for her to take care of the hotel, and any additional expenses.
Does the $850 payment include gas expenses, or will I have another expense fund to cover
transportation costs?
Thanks,
Dangerdude
If this guy is any good he will now try to assuage my fears and convince me that using my account to transfer funds is the most economical situation that we can think of. Then he will give me the details as to how exactly I can help him screw me.
I come to you with a request, Oh great Uber. Nobody bamboozles old Dangerdude, nobody! How exactly can I most effectively screw this guy? Should I demand another down payment for gas in the beginning? should I just sign him up for a bunch of porn sites? My imagination of late has been lacking, so I cant really think of much else, so I place the decision to you! Be as ruthless and cunning as you can muster.
And for all of you that didn't read any of that. Here's a camwhore of me at some bar in NYC with a random Jew. I won that game Btw, but I don't remember anything that happened afterwards.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-02-20 15:23:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
44) China. I don't like you, your terracotta warriors, or your policies of selling us cheaply manufactured, poisonous, exploitative crap. Fuck your wall.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-02-03 10:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-02-02 13:30:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
he's got a decent position but he's lost both bishop's and his queen
Submitted by Sidivan (user info) at 2009-02-02 12:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If they think they're getting money, they'll do just about anything. I had one provide me with a phone number to call and talk to them. Of course, it was a nigerian number. When I told them I was going to make some calls to officials to make sure it was on the up and up, they actually told me it WASN'T legal, but they are including me in this scam to scam somebody else. "You are pretending to be such and such's only heir because you have the same last name. You're not actually the heir, but if you do this, we'll split the money with you."
The sad part is that, if it were true, I would totally pretend to be the heir to a huge fortune.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-02-02 09:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what are you talking about blt?
he's got very good board positioning going on.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-02-02 04:37:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-02-02 09:14:23 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're being totally dominated in that game i just noticed
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lol
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-02-02 04:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you're being totally dominated in that game i just noticed
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-02-02 00:32:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-02-01 07:14:26 PST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard x54 plays speed chess blindfolded and half drunk off a booze/marajuana concoction he made in his basement with this very intricate mcguyveresque still made out of aluminum baseball bats and mouse traps. He does this to make money to buy more marajuana for his still and laugh at people who have inferior speed chess skills. He's never been beat.
I also heard he was the inventor of the board game mouse trap which I enjoyed as a child.
what an awesome guy!
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Do I know you?
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-01 15:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-02-01 15:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2009-02-01 12:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-02-01 10:55:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nothing is really going to happen, you dumb fuck.
Catherine doesn't exist...the company doesn't exist...the money doesn't exist...and by even having an email conversation with this "Bot", you shouldn't exist.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-02-01 10:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fat cat is awesome
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2009-02-01 10:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard x54 plays speed chess blindfolded and half drunk off a booze/marajuana concoction he made in his basement with this very intricate mcguyveresque still made out of aluminum baseball bats and mouse traps. He does this to make money to buy more marajuana for his still and laugh at people who have inferior speed chess skills. He's never been beat.
I also heard he was the inventor of the board game mouse trap which I enjoyed as a child.
what an awesome guy!
as far as you scamming the schemer goes I think it would be a good idea to send the guy a big bag of poop and tell them it is "High Quality Cuisine" made by a frenchman.
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2009-02-01 08:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-02-01 05:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yeah, your wife wanted me to woo her!
Submitted by dangerdude (user info) at 2009-02-01 03:38:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dude, get out of my head!
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-02-01 01:11:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha--what a great picture. But you forgot to block out that Jew's reflection in the mirror. I think I recognize him. His position is all fucked up. He'd like to save his queen, but doing so results in instant checkmate with your imminent ...Nxf3#. His best choice is probably Qxe5+ so he can at least avoid mate and get a rook for the poor old bitch. You'd have to fuck up pretty badly at this point not to win, although judging by the sour expression on your face it looks like you're the one losing. I like the way you're mocking his fingers-on-chin lost-in-thought pose, though. That's a nice bit of psychological strategy. And extrapolating the direction of your eyes I'd say you're staring at his girlfriend's tits.
Submitted by registerme (user info) at 2009-01-31 23:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If you read my post on nigerian scammers you woulda seen that the guy made the scammers write out the whole harry potter book by hand by making them think there was money in it for them!
Thats all they are trying to get so make them do something like that!!