Anxiety (356 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loveinbrevity (View user info) at 2009-02-02 23:42:09 EST
Milly and I had spent the entire day together. We had gone to the beach, had lunch at Brouges, and gone antiquing looking for quaint knick knacks and furniture for our new apartment. The sun was beginning to set and I was still wearing my bikini. I had a light sun dress on over it. The fabric was flimsy and one strap hung haphazardly off my shoulder. I was tired from the long day and too much sun. Milly asked if we could swing by her parents place. She promised it would only be for a minute. There was something she needed to pick up from her mother. I was pretty sure she wanted to borrow money so I smiled sweetly and agreed to go, as long as it was a quick visit.
We got to her parents place and headed up the stairs to her mother's room. I sat cross-legged on the corner of her bed. Bear, the little dog, jumped in my lap and I petted him and turned my attention towards the Spanish novellas her mother had on tv.
"Mah", said Milly with a bit of cowardice in her voice. " I need to borrow a little more money."
"I just gave you money last month Milly. For God sakes, why don't you get a job. You're already a woman. I can't take care of you forever. You're too old, you're 22 there's no excuse for you to not have no job."
"Actually Mah, there is."
"What, what could possibly excuse you not having a job, sleeping on your friends couches like a bum, begging for food because you're even have the decency to burden your parents instead of strangers."
"Amanda is not a stranger ma, she's my friend. And that's not the point. Remember when I was living in Boca and I got sick and you had to come get me? Remember I couldn't walk or breathe and you thought I had heart problems? It was a panic attack mommy, and I've been dealing with debilitating anxiety ever since"
That was the truth. Ever since that episode in Boca, Milly had to move in with me. She could hardly breathe sometimes and was constantly dizzy. She tried to hold a few jobs, but always panicked and quit. I had been trying for months to get her to see a doctor. Her excuse for not seeing one was money. She didn't have insurance and couldn't afford to see a doctor. I had been telling her to ask her parents for help, but she always used her anxiety as an excuse stating she was too scared to talk to them. Now here she was asking for help and all I could do was sit quietly on the corner of the bed and watch this all unfold before me.
"Anxiety is not an excuse for being a bum. You don't think I'm not depressed, her mom asked in her thick Peruvian accent.
At times her words switched from English back to Spanish.
I have to deal with miserable depression. I lost my first child when she was 13, I lost my home to foreclosure, but every day I get up and scrub pools like a slave along side of your father. I put everything else away and deal with my problems. Milly, you have to be strong. You can't use this as a crutch."
"Ma, you don't understand, I need help. I need to see a doctor. I'm not depressed. I'm happy with my life, I'm happy with the people in my life, she said motioning to me. There's something not right in my head. I need drugs or something mom, I don't know. I can't deal with this."
"Drugas? He mother yelled in disgust. You don't need drugs. This is what you need.
Her mom leaned over the bed and reached into a drawer. She pulled out an 8 by ten of Jesus Christ.
"This, she said tapping madly at the glass and brandishing the photo in Milly's face. This, is what you need. His help.
Her mother got quiet and suddenly drew back. She was now sitting upright with her back against the pillows.
Milly, she said with a long dramatic pause.
"Do you think your anxiety has anything to do with the fact that you're a lesbian and haven't even told your own mother?"
My face writhed and I hung my head low. I still said nothing from my spot on the corner of the bed. I held my breath in anticipation of Milly's response.
"I have no idea what you're talking about:" Milly said, obviously lieing through her teeth and clearly taken by surprise."
"Do I look like an idiota to you Milly? Never once have I seen a boy in this house. Never once have I heard you mention a boy. You spend all your time with girls. You have girls sleep over the house all of the time with the doors locked doing god knows what. A mother knows Milly, a mother knows.
"No mom, I don't know what you're talking about."
"I need time to prepare myself mentally, if you're gay. Said her mother, I need time to adjust and to think of what your life is going to become. It's not fair to lie to me. I'm only going to ask you this once for the rest of your life. I wont ask you ever again. "Erres Lesbiana milly?
Milly turned to me and searched my face looking for an answer. I still said nothing.
"Fine mom, you're right. I'm gay."
Her mother did a complete 180. I swear on my life that her head spun all the way around exercist style.
"Whattt!! Mintira. Jesus lord dios, mi hija......
Her mother desperartly grabbed the 8x ten of jesus and clutched it to her chest and began to swing back in forth wildly as if she were wretching in pain.
Milly was crying wildly.
"Mommy please..."
"No, you're a monster and a liar. Get on your knees Milly and beg for forgivness. I'm going to find a doctor who can cure you of the gay."
"Mommy please, listen to me. I don't want to be cured. I'm happy. I like being this way. This is who I am mommy."
She was sobbing wildly by now and I still said nothing from my corner of the bed. I just watched in horror as the scene unfolded.
"That's it, her mother said. You're moving back home with me tomorrow. We can fix this Milly."
"I don't need to be fixed mommy. Can't you see that? I'm not moving back in. You have to learn to accept this. This is who I am. Can't you love me the way I am."
"Of course I love you Mijita. That's why I want to help you."
"If you want to help me mom, you'll give me the money for the doctor and you'll learn to accept this,"
Her mother reached into a drawer and threw a wad of 20's at Milly. She struggled to pick them up from the floor. I made no motion to help her. I made no motion at all. She grabbed the money and made a mad dash for the door. Her mother was yelling and crying behind her. I was left sitting on the bed starring at her mother as she weeped into her hands. The rejected 8x10 lie sadly face up on the bed. I got up slowly and walked carefully towards the door of the bedroom. I ran down the stairs through the front door.
I found Milly in the parking lot of her mom's aparment building sitting in the passenger seat of my car. She was sobbing wildly into her palms. For a second she looked just like her mother. I got into the driver's seat and said nothing. I loved her madly in the moment. I brushed the hair from her cheek and kissed her brow. I wanted her to know how much i loved her, but i still said nothing. I climbed onto her lap and showed her.
User Reviews
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-04 16:45:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-02-03 09:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2009-02-03 04:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Paragraphs, please.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-02-03 07:31:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read the whole thing, it was a good effort.
My only suggestion would be to do a thorough edit and to break up the paragraphs with more space next time.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-02-03 07:08:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm, lesbiana.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-02-03 06:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At this point I thought, "giggity" - I was still wearing my bikini. I had a light sun dress on over it.
But I was dissapointed.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-02-03 06:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Decent story, shitty formatting and proof-reading.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-02-03 06:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, this would have been awesome with paragraphs...
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2009-02-03 04:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Paragraphs, please.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-02-03 01:04:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2009-02-03 00:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad. The lack of paragraphs offends some (most) around here, so your rating may be shit. Other than that everyone loves a dramatic lesbian scene... right?...