Leaving Life on Good Terms (659 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.15 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tyklo (View user info) at 2009-02-10 10:21:44 EST
Today I undergo an operation with an overall marginal but comparatively high mortality rate, and despite the very high probability of my survival, as a 21 year old kid with no will or real means of conveying a final sentiment to family and friends, I wrote up the following. Enjoy what may very well be the last words of a complete stranger:
Associates,
If you're reading this I'd better be dead.
Fret not, for I've lived a happy life.
Do not remember me fondly; instead simply remember me as I was.
As I've left no official last will and testament, consider this document to be such to the fullest legally allowable extent.
-My Father is to be the Executor of my wishes
-I wish to be burned on a funeral pyre and pushed out to sea from the Spit in true Viking tradition (with gifts and offerings in accordance with my social standing)
-If this is not allowable, and there better be a damned good reason why not if it isn't, I wish to be cremated and to have my ashes scattered in Laing park
-I wish for all of my belongings, save for personal mementos for my family and friends, to be liquidated and the resulting sum to be donated to a charity of Symon's choice
-I am NOT to be commemorated/immortalized by the benefactor charity in the form of a park bench or public works (unless said works is truly dope - Symon will decide if it is)
-Symon is to receive my first pipe "Bubbles", my journal and my left-handed pen as well as all of my art and literature
-Symon is also to receive anything he wishes of mine preferentially over everyone else provided his desire is not for my possessions' monetary value
-For reasons clearer than words could articulate, after salvaging all meaningful content from my Documents and Pictures folders, wipe the hard drive of this computer
My wishes are few and clear. Please see them through.
Father: Nobody accepted less from me than you
Mother: Nobody cared more for me than you
James: Nobody shared more with me than you
Natasha: Nobody demanded less from me than you
Symon: Nobody knew me better than you
Each of you played an important role in making me who I was.
I loved you all... but now am dead.
Awaiting you in the twilight,
-K
~Fortune smiles on those who smile
User Reviews
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-02-16 01:54:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Toki, how does yous excuse yourselfs for makings us think thinks yous were deads? Sounds dildos.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-02-16 01:20:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work on the not being dead thing.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-02-15 16:44:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tyklo (user info) at 2009-02-15 00:03:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm alive.
I only got tramadol for the pain.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-02-13 15:12:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You're probably alive, but I'd really rather watch a true viking funeral.
Nothing personal you understand.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2009-02-12 14:41:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-02-12 14:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wantst a viking funerals toos, Toki.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2009-02-10 19:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you are dead I can't now ask where the pyre will be. I always wanted to see a real Viking burial.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-02-10 16:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Let me know how this works out for you.
I won't minus 2 death, so don't make me look bad here, Chief.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-02-10 16:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your watch is broken.
It's not time yet.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-02-10 15:44:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-02-10 12:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope you don't die. This is a weird post.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-02-10 12:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dead would be suck. i suggest alternative.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-02-10 11:39:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-02-10 11:38:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Symon' is a shit name spelled a shit way.
Good post
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-02-10 11:36:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
don't die.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-02-10 11:32:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
$5 says it's a vaginoplasty.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-02-10 10:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Viking funeral pyre things is pure awesomeness. I am so going to burden my family with having to set up that for me when I die.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-02-10 10:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You're not dead yet.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-02-10 10:31:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh
i wouldnt worry so much
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-02-10 10:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How.. brief?