Happy Birthday, stranger. (796 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.13 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AJ <uberaj.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2009-02-13 10:49:00 EST
February 12
Today is Adam's birthday. I haven't thought of him in years, and I haven't seen him in twice as many. But here he is, penetrating my thoughts in a wonder-what-he's-doing-now? Fashion. Adam is nine days older than me. When we were kids he had a rat tail. He was shorter than me. Probably still is. He had a sister named Lily. He probably still does. But the rat tail is long gone. His mom and mine were best friends. I don't know if they still are. Adam and I weren't best friends. As children, that expectation was there. For me, at least. Our parents were best friends, so we should be best friends. Things didn't work out that way. I wonder whether we have a shot at it today.
Adam's parents were divorced. It was a foreign concept to me as a kid. My mom told me it was a hard thing for Adam and Lily to go through. I think that was reflected in the way he acted. Adam got in lots of fights. Our moms used to talk about our behavior in front of us. Things like, "I had to go see Adam's principal last week... got in a fight with another boy... called him a son of a bitch. Don't know what's gotten into him. He knows better than to swear. Don't you, Adam?" He would nod ashamedly and the rat tail would pop out of his shirt collar as he did. Our moms don't discuss our behavior as if we aren't there anymore.
When we went off on our own to play, I asked Adam what happened in his fight. I'd never been in a fight before. I still haven't. He shrugged his shoulders and said a kid called his mom a nigger-lover and he punched him in the face. He was very nonchalant about the whole thing. I didn't understand what was so bad about that. Adam's mom loving a black man, that is. I liked the man she was dating. He was a good cook, and he smiled a lot. I only knew that nigger was a bad word because earlier that school year we were learning geography, and two kids whose parents were also divorced got sent to the principal's office for snickering and saying Nigger instead of Ni-ger. Kids whose parents were divorced got in trouble a lot when we were kids. I wonder if they still do.
When we were kids, Adam would get sent to the principal's office for punching someone in the face and calling them a son of a bitch. He'd be looking at assault with intent to injure today. I wonder if Adam has gotten in any fights lately. I wonder if our moms have talked about them. I wonder if he's been married with kids of his own, and if they have rat tails. And if he is married, if he divorced, and whether his ex-wife dates black men; and whether his kids have to punch someone in the face for calling her a nigger-lover. I think about looking up his court records online to see if he's ever been charged on assault with intent to injure- or to see if he's been court-ordered to pay child support.
I think about finding him on Facebook and asking him if he remembers the time we were at the park and our moms' other friend's son called me a faggot when we were playing basketball. Or if he remembers when we played Mortal Kombat and I brought over all the cheat codes. Tomorrow I'll ask my mom how Adam's doing. If he's still in Mississippi, and whether he has kids with rat tails or not. And if Mom talks to her friend who may or may not still be her best friend, I'll have her tell Adam I said, "Happy Belated Birthday."
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-02-18 11:36:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah kids, that 'truce' with bubba will last on his end until the next time he ties one on and logs in.
i try not to make the leap from internet persona to real world person based off of uber too often, but bubba's pretty well sorted himself out as a first class cunt.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2009-02-14 01:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
a couple of days ago isaac told me that some boys with long hair tie it at the back
ie, a rats tail
i told him if he ever gets a rats tail i will disown him
fashion
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-02-13 23:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Blackberry (user info) at 2009-02-13 21:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Amber alert
----
AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha<whew!>
Good one.
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 22:12:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Blackberry (user info) at 2009-02-13 21:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Amber alert
+++++++++++++++++++++
SCOURGE ALERT.....
Submitted by Blackberry (user info) at 2009-02-13 21:53:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Amber alert
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 20:41:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-02-13 20:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba, that's cool.
Let's reset from here.
=============
Reset done.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-02-13 20:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bubba, that's cool.
Let's reset from here.
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 19:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo: I was wrong to make disparaging comments about your woman. I was a total asshole in thar regard, and I am truly sorry for what I said. I know I wouldn't want people saying bad things about my wife, who is disabled. I was a total ass, and I will never do that again. Thank you for the truce; I shall not break it.
AJ: Yes, I was an asshole to you, as well. Ratings cannot disguise assholishness, and I apologize for being a jerk to you.
Let's just all begin again.
Guys, my wife has read a bunch of my comments, and she said, "You were an asshoole to those people, Bob, and they should hate you!" Wow. I may be an asshole after all.
Let's all forget the past and start over. O???
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-02-13 16:54:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks AJ.
you're a good pal.
i just can't be arsed fighting with bubba, i love Mel a great deal and it cheapens and sullies real life when I'm dragged into stupid internet fights about it. Especially when I see her battling to get fit everyday, forcing herself to inject the harsh drugs that make her feel like shit every day - when people like bubba and simon refer to her as mentally retarded its dumb, she's a phd who trains doctors and counsels people everyday who are pregnant with high risk babies - she's a good person and as I say it feels ridiculously cheap to even defend her on here, like she needs defending.
Hence my 'truce'.
it was either that or use my vast wealth to destroy the cunt and i didn't have the stomach for that.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-02-13 16:42:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Adam's mom loving a black man, that is"
Wait a minute, is Adam really Method?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 16:39:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 14:32:22 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
What I say to others is not your business. He and I worked that out. I give you +2s and you still bitch. What a fucking whiner.
You are the one who says you will say what you choose and damn the aftermath. Why don't you and I start over, as well? I've never beat on you as such, as I saw no reason to. What's between me and others is a different story.
***
Here's the thing, Bubba. What you say to others can still be offensive to me. I know apollo88 and his "sickly [sic] wife" on a personal level, and that you would even consider something like MS to be fodder for a flame-war on Ubersite is despicable. If I see someone in public that points and laughs at someone homeless or mentally handicapped, I think to myself, "this isn't the type of person I'd like to associate with." Just because there haven't been any personal affronts from you to me, doesn't mean I can't have a lowered opinion of you.
That said, if Jamie's willing to bury that hatchet with you, I can do the same. But just bear in mind that even though these are usernames on the internet, there are still people behind them. I don't care if that makes me sound like a pussy. Just don't expect me to ignore your treatment of other people. I won't rate you on it, but it won't give me an inclination to rate you, either.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-02-13 15:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, that's actually got some depth to it.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-02-13 15:37:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 11:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder how many people will click this thinking it's a post about an Ubersite user.
=====
I thought it was going to be addressed to no one and to everyone.
I was disappointed.
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 15:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 15:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're the one that's out of line, Bubba. You can't expect people to be nice to you and not fuck with you when you're insulting people all the time. Or how about when you make fun of a woman with MS, that has nothing to do with Ubersite? Are you joking when you say things like that? Are you being funny when you pull someone's family into an internet argument? Does that make you laugh? You made your own bed, now you get to lie in it.
=========
What I say to others is not your business. He and I worked that out. I give you +2s and you still bitch. What a fucking whiner.
You are the one who says you will say what you choose and damn the aftermath. Why don't you and I start over, as well? I've never beat on you as such, as I saw no reason to. What's between me and others is a different story.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 15:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're the one that's out of line, Bubba. You can't expect people to be nice to you and not fuck with you when you're insulting people all the time. Or how about when you make fun of a woman with MS, that has nothing to do with Ubersite? Are you joking when you say things like that? Are you being funny when you pull someone's family into an internet argument? Does that make you laugh? You made your own bed, now you get to lie in it.
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 14:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You didn't hurt my feelings, AJ, and the post to which you refer is one I gave +2s on. I said in there that I was fucking with you, but maybe you missed that. Stop being so sensitive and go back to that old post and re-read my reviews. You're out of line here, dude.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 13:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:07:27 CST (#)
Ranking: 2
I won't slam you for childish grammar. I won't slam you for writing drivel. I won't slam you for your preschool emotions. Hell, I won't even slam you because you run with the crowd and slam me because all the Big Boys do it. I won't slam you for anything. Just STFU in the future.
***
It's childhood memory, Bubba. It's called 'perspective.' Perhaps you should gain some. I don't 'run with the crowd'- the line to slam you formed behind me. Not to sound like some sort of internet tough-guy, but I am a Big Boy. Maybe I wouldn't pick on you so much if you weren't so fucking abrasive to strangers.
You're a grown man, and you come on here to roll in shit and mud with the rest of the adolescent piggies. You've been a constant annoyance since you got here. See your reviews here for an example: http://www.ubersite.com/m/84071. I'm not going to bite my tongue and stifle myself for your hurt feelings. I'm going to say what I think, regardless of whether you think that's fair or not. It's all I can expect from anyone else on here.
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2009-02-13 13:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I won't slam you for childish grammar. I won't slam you for writing drivel. I won't slam you for your preschool emotions. Hell, I won't even slam you because you run with the crowd and slam me because all the Big Boys do it. I won't slam you for anything. Just STFU in the future.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 13:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wat?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys played Monster Rain, didn't you
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:40:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can relate to the sentiment of this post very much but I must admit that I don't remember things like birthdays of any of the friends of the old days.
Maybe I'll ask my mom too as my parents are still living in that same village.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 12:01:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll be sure to put it on my calendar, Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-02-13 11:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
My b-day isn't until August, stranger.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-02-13 11:06:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GERRY!!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 11:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder how many people will click this thinking it's a post about an Ubersite user.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-02-13 10:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
just sayin is all. please go answer my questions. i need the answers :(
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 10:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know. I wrote this yesterday.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-02-13 10:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
today is also the 13th.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-02-13 10:53:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
both of you go answer the questions on my post. as seriously and fully as you can. DO IT.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-02-13 10:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm bored too. I was thinking about doing a picture post with adorable baby animals, flowers, marshmallows, and rainbows made out of glitter.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-02-13 10:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe my other post wasn't even halfway down the page after two days. Get to crackin' people, I can't be the only one who's bored.