McCain endorses the bailout bill! (461 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -1.2 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phred Phelps (View user info) at 2009-03-04 04:41:39 EST
One day I was sitting in my mansion waiting for the neighbor's kids to come home from school. I planned on leaving the curtains open by "accident" so they could see me jerking off to iCarly in my crotchless Klan uniform. I thought I was ready for the intense orgasm that I would feel when those virginal youngsters laid their eyes on my throbbing manhood, but I thought wrong! As I saw those boys' innocence ripped away from them forever what I felt was less like the typical fuck-feeling and more like Adolf Hitler Himself had come down from the Celestial Reich Chancellery and given me an enema of His sweet sticky mana. For a moment I knew pure bliss. Then I lost bowel control (as if I ever really had it in the first place 8-) ) and shat myself so violently that the house was as utterly destroyed as it would have been if it had been hit by an asteroid. My ass kept spewing shit so velcotatiously that I flew through the air like a rocket for hundreds of miles before slamming into what turned out to be Columbine High School!
They were holding a memorial there that day. I approved until I realized that it was for the so-called "victims" of the "tragedy" that happened there twelve years ago! Screaming with rage I shoved my way up on the stage and snatched the mike from some old faggot preacher who had been blathering on about how Jesus was watching over the school or some stupid horse shit like that. The eye holes in my hood weren't that large so I guess I ripped his hand off by mistake when I took the mike from him. To shut him the fuck up I grabbed his head and slammed it into my rock hard abs over and over until his face and brain had the consistency of pudding. I tried to say something into the mike but I got a case of stage fright and all I could do was whisper "white power" a few times.
After that I aimed my cock like a gun and started shooting wads of jizz at students like they were bullets. They all ran around bleating like sheep, which they were in a way. I felt no emotion when I was ending their lives except for a little amusement when I would send a nigger or Christian to their barracks in the Dachau of the underworld. Finally the only person left in the area (the cops saw the size of my muscles and ran away with the rest) was a ten year old girl clutching a big tacky crucifix hanging around her neck. I pressed my cock so far into her eye that it burst and she started screaming, but I kicked her in the gut until she shut the fuck up. "Do you believe in God?" I asked. Before she could give some pithy reply that grandmas would be writing chain emails about for years I blew her fucking head off with a lump of burning semen that incinerated her corpse. I watched demons drag her soul down into the underworld where she would be tortured for eternity as a punishment for the crime of Jesus worship. Then, after dropping a few turds on her sizzling remains, I walked off into the sunset.
User Reviews
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-03-13 23:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hilarious
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-03-13 21:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass!
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-03-04 16:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Genius prose. Truly a turdy force.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-03-04 13:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Spaz.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-03-04 12:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bones_Mccoy (user info) at 2009-03-04 12:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darthvaderswang (user info) at 2009-03-04 11:54:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AW4416 (user info) at 2009-03-04 11:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-03-04 11:04:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you are gay.
gtfo.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-03-04 08:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Great story
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-03-04 08:05:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-03-04 04:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the way to do it, t-man.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-03-04 07:25:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow you're so random.
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-03-04 04:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, this isn't a story. It REALLY happened and you will probably read about it in the newspaper tomorrow and if you don't believe me then the next time you look into a mirror Bloody Mary is going to come out of it and kill you!