Dinner With the Folks OR Revenge is a Dish Best Served... (328 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.5 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Steven XXXX<bombtek187.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2009-03-10 10:42:20 EDT
Lately, there are very few things in my life that startle me anymore.
Going to jail did it for me. Getting put on deferred adjudication for
6 months did it for me as well. (For stalking, apparently) My soon-to-
be ex-wife is one of the few people that have that effect on me. But
like I said I'm finished with her, but the drama that she brings will
haunt me for much longer.
This past weekend I went to a small city here in Texas to meet my
girlfriend's dad. He took us all out to eat and we visited and whatnot
for a good 2 hrs. I can honestly say that I had a good time and enjoy
ed myself, but the one complaint that I had was the reason that we
left so early. We had planned on visiting some of her friends in
<insert name of city> after dinner with her dad. Sadly enough this
was not the case...
We started this enchanted evening by meeting up with her dad at his
house for hand shaking and meaningless banter. I was grossly over-
dressed for the occasion, and this was her fault as she told me how
wealthy daddy was so I wanted to make a good impression. She also told
me that he was in the oil business. (Oil + Wealthy = Oil Executive?)
Not quite. While the guy was fairly well-off, wearing a jacket and tie
was uncalled for. I kinda felt like a dumbass because the restaurant
that we went to was definitely not 5-star. Anywho, after the meal and
the awkardly silent drive home, her father takes me to his "office"
(to question my intentions?) How charming. After 15 minutes or so of
this (interrogation) he is apparently satisfied and offers me a cuban
cigar to partake of. Not wanting to insult him, I spark it up and we
engage in some more man-bonding (Fuck you, you know what I mean) He
shows me his guns (God dammit) and shows me this scout he has been
building. We leave and about 2 mins later I pull over and throw up a
mixture of disgusting cigar smoke and chicken enchiladas.
Then we go to one of her high-school friends house and after we had
been about 10 minutes we get this text message from my soon-to-be ex-
wife saying that my girlfriends car is going to get towed. (It's
parked at my apartment) Mind you, we are an hour away. So we finally
get back home and have one of our friends go by my apartment to check
on her car. Guess who is parked in my parking lot waiting on my arrival.
YOU GUESSED IT! Mrs. Jungle Fever herself equipped with monkeys galore.
Apparently, she brought her (ethnic) boyfriend and his friends so that
we could all have a cup of tea. Yeah right. Now I'm not exactly a
pacifist, (and I have 2 Colt 1911's in my console), but I do have a
protective order against me since the stalking (haha) charge. So I call
the police and let them know what is going on. They arrive and arrest
her, her porchmonkey, and 2 of his friends (there were 3 in total).
Now, she will probably get out in a few hours, but her boyfriend will
be in there for 2-10 and all of his friends will get similar sentences.
Moral of this story?
Don't bring inebriated felons wielding narcotics paraphernalia to rough
up your ex-husband. He might be smarter than you think, and things may not
go according to plan.
P.S. I expect the usual -2 die's, but I kinda enjoy doing this so any
constructive criticism would be welcome. And if your planning on
mindlessly blasting my post feel free to lick the undercheese from
under my nuts.
User Reviews
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-06 17:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it seemed like the story was going somewhere, but then it just.....didn't.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-06-06 17:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dipus Shitus (the Latin).
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-03-11 08:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'll provice (sp) one piece of criticism (comma here) though (comma here) since you did ask for it.
If your(!) gonna nitpick at least make sure that you don't make mistakes yourself, dipshit.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What Sico said - with a bit less "Philly"
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think your Spaceface* or Mybook* pages would be more the place for this kind of thing.
*Stolen from Jack McCallum.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read one word of this I'm just rating you based on what your current score is.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jerry springer is moving his show to my hometown of stamford ct. also home to the wwe and the us's largest trading floor (it's amazingly bigger than wall street's).
you would be a great candidate and i think it's going to be hilarious to see all the wasps react to stuff like this being flown into their city center. let us know how that goes.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
we mindlessly blast that which is not worth our time. i'll provice one piece of criticism though since you did ask for it.
Ready?
Your and you're are not interchangeable words for you to use at YOUR will.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd rather watch an hour of hamsterdance than read this.
http://www.hampsterdance.com/images/hamu.gif
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-03-10 11:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
your first post was decent but THIS?
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-03-10 10:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bow to you, sir.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2009-03-10 10:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We don't enjoy you doing this so your best bet is to go tap into your local power grid via vice grips and battery cables to the neck, you mouli piece of buffalo dick.