What dont you fucking understand? FUCK! (No Christian Bale reference intended) REPOST (844 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.71 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DarthFaded (View user info) at 2009-03-20 02:54:01 EDT
PROLOGUE:
I was going to post this in romance because it seems to be the only category even close to the topic I am planning on writing on.... then I thought that it being title a "ROMANCE" story, might deter people from reading it.....
Or at least except women, who will undoubtedly take issue with my thoughts... so that would be counterproductive...
Not that I actually have my thoughts fully developed yet... I kind of freestyling as I write this...
Long story short, I know that I will most likely go down the path of what could very easily be confronted as stereotypical chauvinism and thusly piss off a woman reader.... and wuite frankly, I am hoping for some testosterone fueled opinions here.
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I tend to start off my writes with a little background.
I don't expect anyone to really know me, since I contribute so few and far between nowadays. So I tend to start my shit off with a little "ABOUT ME" Maybe it isn't relevant... but hey fuck you.. it gets me in the mood.
I am what I would consider a fairly intelligent person.
I did well in school; 3.8 GPA. I probably could have gotten higher if I had sacrificed my social life. People I know tend to regard me as a resource for knowledge; not just for random Family Guy quotes, or 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon solutions, but for actual useful non trivial information.
I am a bit of a grammar and spelling Nazi so, over the years I have ended up being a human spellcheck and grammar monitor for the idiots I have encountered in my various places of employ (not to say that I don't still make mistakes, so spare me the proofread of this document. I am tired, pissed off, and venting; so give me a fucking break if I misuse a semi-colon)
I carry several technical certifications which enable me to run my own independent consultation firm sucessfully for the past 7 years. On top of that I am the Director of Marketing for a decent sized materials corporation. I scored a just shy of 1200 on my SAT's after a night of partying and no studying, I am a self taught musician of 3 instruments, and I can cook.
Hey I am humble too. :)
In a nutshell, I believe I am of above average intelligence. I may be no Einstein, but I will give you a run for your money in any test of wit or knowledge.
What I can't seem to figure out, is with all my ability, book smarts, street smarts and Know How.... why am I so fucking difficult to understand in a conversation??? You may think I am a little bitch (you being the reader) as you read this, but at least I have articulated myself well to this point right? Am I unknowingly speaking Latin, or Portuguese, or Aramaic? Someone fill me in...
Oh wait, reader....did I mention that this only happens to me when trying to express the simplest of thought or impression to a woman. Namely my wife.
Now don't get me wrong my wife is, on the whole, a truly wonderful person. She is far better a human being than I am. She is compassionate and loyal, very down to earth, and I will say with no qualms, a major hot piece of ass. She is blonde, blue-eyed, about 5'10" 125 lbs. I am a decent looking guy, and never have really had a problem with the women folk, but she is a looker and I wonder sometimes how I managed to bag her... I digress.
We hit this point in a conversation, where literally EVERY SINGLE PHRASE, SENTENCE, AND WORD I say is twisted and construed in a manner that is totally opposite to what I mean....
WTF?
I mean seriously, I can understand if I occasionally were to misstate a point or unintentionally make a comment that comes off in a way that is contrary to how I intended it. However, I am not exaggerating when I say that we hit a point in a conversation, or argument rather, where I literally cannot say ANYTHING that comes off as I intend.
It is the most maddening thing.
I consider my self a relatively articulate person. I accept that I am not perfect and I at times will make mistakes, but this shit is frustrating.
What the fuck is wrong with you women that you reach a point in your emotions where you literally fabricate reasons to validate your lack of control.
And how the fuck do they manipulate us do something, after they became pissed off at us, which validates their entire reasoning for being pissed in the first place.
It is almost calculated and I CANNOT wrap my head around it.
Let me give you a scenario here. Annotated of course.
I am reprimanding my son. He is a bit of a mama's boy.
He is pulling some bullshit and malingering to get out of an obligation, mind you this is literally minutes after his friend who just spent the night, leaves.
He stayed up late, playing video games, eating junk food. Sleeps in. Plays video games all day, goes to the park, gets taken out for ice cream, and pretty much fucks around ALL DAY LONG with a smile on his face. And now all of a sudden when it is time to clean his room and go to football practice, he has a sore throat, an upset stomach, and feels like he is going to throw up. Sorry son... as I a boy, I tried the same scam; as a dad, I call bullshit.
The sentiment of my impression was very clear in the tone in which I was talking to him.
So my wife, after about 10 minutes of me trying to get him to come clean, steps in to defend the boy.
Challenging me.
Undermining me.
Playing the hero to my villainy.
Goodbye credibility. Goodbye authority.
Oh are these my legs? I almost didn't recognize them after you cut them out from under me.
When is the next bus coming through so you can throw me under it?
Good thing this boats got a motor, because you took the wind RIGHT OUT of my sails.... These clichés doing anything for ya, Reader?
I think it is worth mentioning that this HAS happened before and I HAVE asked that she stop. I value her opinion, and have promised that I would hear out her criticism of me, but to ask to speak with me in private before addressing them with me. Is that really such a hard concept to understand?
So of course, I mention this detail in her method of approach. I remind her that it is something I have asked her to handle in an alternative way, to which she argues.
She went on an on and on justifying why she disagreed with my approach. Mind you, what she was saying was valid, if for no other reason that she has a right to disagree with me. Under more respectful circumstances, I'd have heard her out and discussed it with her, but I was still stuck back at the part of the conversation where I had a problem with HOW she chose to address her disagreement with me, and she was fast forwarded to the part where she was justifying WHY she disagreed with me.
I don't care if people disagree with me. Express your reasoning articulately with some respect, and hell unless I can prove or support an alternative opinion. You win. Done deal... over. But what she did was with utter disregard for a request that I made very clear as being a big deal to me.
She just FLAT IGNORED IT.
THEN...
...as I expressed my dissent for her lack of regard for my feelings, she proceeded with her defeatist martyr routine, where now I am the asshole who cares not for her feelings in how I parent our children.
What a load of crap.
I have worked on microelectronics on multi million dollar aircraft.
I have negotiated business deals for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I have an extensive working knowledge of computer hardware, software, networking and operating systems....
But talking to my wife???.... Fucking forget it.... Hand me a beer.
User Reviews
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2009-03-23 13:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-03-22 15:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the unnecessary inclusion of your wife's stats has led me to believe that you are incredibly lame
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It is called a balanced cross-section. Due to the fact that I know the story would put my wives temperament in question, I felt it only fair to detail her endearing traits to highlight the fact that she is not a total bitch.
I find it funny that some forum trolls will zero in on the most irrelevant of details to scrutinize, simply for the sake of scrutiny.
d
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-03-23 11:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-03-22 15:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the unnecessary inclusion of your wife's stats has led me to believe that you are incredibly lame
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heh
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2009-03-23 08:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
empathy, i think they call it; you lack
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2009-03-23 07:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2009-03-23 07:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-03-22 16:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Top three things marrieds argue about.
1.Money
2.Sex
3.Bratty kids. {not that your kids a brat} heh
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-03-22 15:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the unnecessary inclusion of your wife's stats has led me to believe that you are incredibly lame.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2009-03-21 16:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for a dad actually wanting to BE a dad.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-03-21 10:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your wife's a bitch and I'll rape her to death for a cut of the insurance money.
Take a day or two to think about it, then e-mail me and let me know.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2009-03-21 09:44:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Was hoping for a pic of the disagreeable wife...not your son.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-03-20 22:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-03-20 17:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She shouldn't undermine your authority by disagreeing with your attempt to discipline the boy, in front of the boy. Since we've only heard your side of the story, I will trust that you weren't screaming at the kid, veins bulging from your temples as you shook him like a British nanny.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-03-20 14:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
could call her on it in front of your kid. maturity out the window but she's not doing it either.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-03-20 14:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uh, ok.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't quote me on the height.... I may be off on that... SHe is a healthy size, and yes Ducky she eats plenty of Steak.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like I can almost feel the balls of this post shriveling up inside themselves.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sage agrees with Ducky that 5'10 and 125 is small. Shit. I'm 5'2 and 112. She's got 8 inches and only 13 lbs on me?? I mean, I have t & a, but holy hell, bitch, eat a fucking Big Mac.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ducky agrees with you. Ducky also thinks that being 5'10" and 125 is too small - a medically healthy weight for that height is 160. Maybe she's exacting revenge because she's tired of eating saltines and grapefruit to maintain it. Maybe you could eat steaks together while you discuss your united frontness - just saying.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly I get where you are coming from. You want your wife to not undermine your authority with your son right by disagreeing with you and coming to his rescue right in front of him, correct?
Honestly, when parents disagree right in front of their children they can learn to play one against the other because it shows weakness. Have you told her that? If not, do so...if so, and she's still not "getting" it...bring it up on a random occasion, not in the heat of the moment when she's in defense-and-justification-mode.
Bring it up when it's just the two of you. How to broach the subject? Ask her how she thinks you're doing as a father, if there's anything she thinks you can improve on. And then when she tells you, listen. Tell her you appreciate her point of view and that you especially appreciate it being discussed with just the two of you, and ask that if she has any issues with your parenting skills whatsoever, could she kindly come to you in private from now on?
This is just my $0.02, take it or leave it. Good luck! :)
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2009-03-20 11:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RationalRampage (user info) at 2009-03-20 07:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your right we don't know you but from your description I'd bet you were a successful homely dick. Your problem occurs when you try to engage in meaningful interactions with your trophy wife. She's hot your not she was poor you were not. The end.
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This made me laugh.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-03-20 10:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
has Uber un-assed itself yet??
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-03-20 10:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Tell your wife that there's no "I" in "Team" but there are are twenty-five of them in "I will kill you right the fuck now right the fuck in front of this fucking child if you even look like you are trying to undermine my authority with the kid or even think of opening your stupid mouth when I'm diciplining the little bastard again, you feel me bitch?"
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-03-20 10:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think ducky agrees with you
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-03-20 10:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are right about wanting to present yourselves to your children as a united front. If you don't, the credibility of one of you (you in this case) will be completely shot. When your kid sees a pattern of this sort of behaviour developing, he'll stop taking you seriously - everything you say will be trumpable (wordsmith) by mom. It's not a good guy bad guy thing - it's a lack of consistency, which is bad when it comes to raising kids. If you disagree, do it in private.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-03-20 10:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are right about wanting to present yourselves to your children as a united front. If you don't, the credibility of one of you (you in this case) will be completely shot. When your kid sees a pattern of this sort of behaviour developing, he'll stop taking you seriously - everything you say will be trumpable (wordsmith) by mom. It's not a good guy bad guy thing - it's a lack of consistency, which is bad when it comes to raising kids. If you disagree, do it in private.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-03-20 10:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are right about wanting to present yourselves to your children as a united front. If you don't, the credibility of one of you (you in this case) will be completely shot. When your kid sees a pattern of this sort of behaviour developing, he'll stop taking you seriously - everything you say will be trumpable (wordsmith) by mom. It's not a good guy bad guy thing - it's a lack of consistency, which is bad when it comes to raising kids. If you disagree, do it in private.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-03-20 07:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe she just thinks you are boring
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2009-03-20 07:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She's in the wrong. You two are supposed to be united in front of the kid, otherwise he will know he can play the two of you against each other.
She should have sent the boy to his room and spoken to you privately.
Submitted by RationalRampage (user info) at 2009-03-20 07:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your right we don't know you but from your description I'd bet you were a successful homely dick. Your problem occurs when you try to engage in meaningful interactions with your trophy wife. She's hot your not she was poor you were not. The end.