Genetic Defects, pt. 4 - Decisions (420 hits)
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Submitted by SmalltownSally (View user info) at 2009-03-22 23:59:46 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/121504 Post-Procedure
"Her fluid retention has become a huge issue," said Dr. Holt. "There's nothing we can do, really. The patient advocate will be in shortly to talk to you about the option of signing a DNR.
Do Not Resuscitate? She was dying. The doctors were stumped. They'd tried everything. My world was about to end, and I couldn't even allow myself to cry.
In the 25 minutes it took for the patient advocate to arrive in pod 15, Emma had to be shocked back to life twice. Life. No, they shocked her back to heartbeat, because what she had wasn't a life. I watched from my recliner fortress. The nurses and doctors were so busy with her they never even noticed I was there. In the coming hours, several nurses would be written up for allowing me to stay to witness my 28 day old daughter's death. Twice.
I could see her start to go before the nurses noticed. Because of her hypertension, she'd had a history of very low oxygen saturations that made her skin tone highly reactive. I could tell you what her sats were based solely on the color of her feet. On that day, I watch her go from a pale pink to the most horrible color of purply-mauve I have ever witnessed. The color of death. My favorite shirt before that day was the same color.
Aside from the color, I remember everyone asking me if I needed anything. They kept offering me water. Stacks of gauze squares, because they didn't have any tissues. I wasn't crying, so I don't know why they did that. I got out my cell phone and called my mother.
"She's dying. She's drowning in her lungs. There isn't anything they can do." I heard my mother break down and hang up the phone. I should have called my father and let him tell her. I've never been very good at dancing around her ridiculously fragile emotions.
I don't know how long I sat in that recliner, watching my baby struggle for life. I held the DNR order without signing it, not knowing what to do. Sweat from my palms dampened it and smudged the ink. All I could think was that my mother had never even gotten to hold her. That the next time I'd be able to hold her, she'd be cold and stiff in my arms. I still didn't cry.
Then, he walked in the door. Dr. Fox, a pediatric cardiac surgeon whom I had never seen before, never met, never heard mentioned. But he knew about Emma. According to Thuy, he'd been obsessing over her case for 3 weeks, calling other cardiac surgeons all over the nation trying to come up with ideas. He crouched in front of my recliner, something none of the doctors had ever done, preferring to tower above me like the gods they thought they were. He took my hand.
"Don't sign the DNR yet. I have an idea, if you'll let me."
I struggled with an answer. No one could guarantee that anything would work. Nobody but this guy even had a plan! I didn't want to put her through more pain. I didn't want to force my baby to hang on. Didn't want to be a mother that hurt her child because she couldn't give up. Because grasping at straws made her feel better. I wanted to be able to let her go gracefully. I wanted to, but I couldn't if there was a glimmer of hope. I asked what his plan was.
"Bi-lateral chest tubes. We'll insert small tubes between her ribs and into the chest cavity... connect them to a light vacuum and draw the fluid out of her. In a few days, we should have all of the fluid out of her chest, which will make the fluid in her tissues move to the chest cavity. In a couple of weeks, she should be back to her dry weight."
"Will it hurt?"
"I won't lie... it won't be painless. But we won't have to turn up the pain medication she's already on. It's uncomfortable, but we can keep her from feeling it."
I sighed. I felt like I didn't have a choice. Like I had to explore every option. If this didn't work, I would sign the DNR and let her go.
I walked to the waiting room and sat down. 45 minutes, and she'd be done. My phone rang. It was my mother, nearly in hysterics. I told her Dr. Fox's plan, and she broke down and hung up on me again. Ten minutes later, she called back. "If this doesn't work, at least she'll go to heaven with your Meme. She'll have someone up there who loves her more than anything."
I was dumbstruck. I came unglued. "What the fuck is WRONG with you? Why the hell would you say something like that to me?" I could hear her sobbing, but I didn't care. "I'm ALONE in this, mother, and I'm trying to hold on to my sanity so that I can make the decisions with as clear a head as I can manage.... she'll go to heaven to be with Meme? Are you fucking RETARDED?"
I threw my phone as hard as I could and watched as the cheap plastic shell exploded against the wall. Instantly, I regretted talking to my mother like that. Just my luck, I'd get home and she'd have downed another bottle of pills and then driven herself to the emergency room to ensure that she didn't actually die, but would get plenty of sympathy. It wasn't a new trick. I dug my SIM card out of what was left of my phone and sat in silence
The nurse came back in. They were done, and everything looked ok. She was draining successfully.
When I got home that night, I fished my favorite mauve shirt out of my closet, took it to the alleyway behind the house, and set it on fire. I never want to see that color again.
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Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2009-03-24 17:45:07 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-03-23 10:49:39 EDT (#)
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Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-03-23 09:58:48 EDT (#)
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Looking at the UK always makes me think that hobbits live there. I'm not sure why.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-03-23 09:35:22 EDT (#)
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http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?utm_campaign=en_GB&utm_medium=lp&utm_source=en_GB-lp-emea-gb-gns-svn
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-03-23 09:11:21 EDT (#)
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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-03-23 08:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1st two pictures in this series are of the same baby, but the 3rd and fourth are different from each other and different from the first two.
+1 captivating story.
Submitted by Mr_Trollope (user info) at 2009-03-23 07:30:32 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2009-03-23 07:28:29 EDT (#)
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Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2009-03-23 00:55:25 EDT (#)
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Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-03-23 00:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Don't sign the DNR yet. I have an idea, if you'll let me."