Ahh...youth. (671 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.38 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Korthrun McBloodlust <korthrun.at.korthrun.net> (View user info) at 2003-08-15 20:21:38 EDT
this was forwarded to me in the usuall annoying chain mail fashion, but for the first time I actually laughed. Reminded me of the 'girls are icky' stage of my life, and the beautiful differences that keep us at eachothers throats.
Creative Writing at its best!
Prof. Miller
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
True Story
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write
the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back
also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be
absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to
say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by
two of my English students:
Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).
----------------------------------------------------------------
THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.
-----------------------------------------------------------
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17,....", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
---------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F****NG TEA??? Oh no,
I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
----------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)
A$$h0le.
----------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)
B1tch.
--------------------------------------------------------
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A
User Reviews
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2003-08-17 05:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a mate of mine an i did this same kind of thing - ive never seen this before, he just wrote a silly story, and i added to it and elaborated, he then followed. it went on for a while, but petered out. unfortunately ive since deleted it.
it was about axl rose (who had a magic bandanna), and david lee roth ( who had a 40ft dick). it was quite funny...
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2003-08-17 05:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't see what douching has to do with it....
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-08-16 13:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Korthrun, don't read every post. If you're posting something that you yourself didn't write, type a few words in the search bow, top left, and see if its been done.
Douche
Submitted by karma_chameleon (user info) at 2003-08-16 12:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gah, holy shit that was funny. It reminds me of every single project I've done like that. (there's lots of shitfaces at my school)
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2003-08-16 06:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Ill remember to read every post on the site. All i need is to have no job and no life so I have the time.
Submitted by LucidCognition (user info) at 2003-08-16 01:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And it wouldn't for us to do it because none of us would be as desperatly and truly pissed off.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2003-08-16 00:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chad Sexington. I'll tell you what I told ronnockeem, go sommewhere else.
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-08-16 00:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucker!
Submitted by Chad_Sexington (user info) at 2003-08-16 00:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You fucking dumbass.
People, direct your praises here: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1056395989443431497
Submitted by bob at 2003-08-16 00:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+37, that is fucking hilarious. KICKER OF ALL ASS indeed!!!!!!
Submitted by Queen (user info) at 2003-08-15 23:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this! I have read it several times in e-mail and I laugh my ass off everytime I do!
I agree, us Uberusers need to get something like this going. There would need to be a list of all Uber people who were going to particiapte in advance though, so everyone would write when they were suppose to. I think it would be blast, I would set it up if I was on a computer, but I don't have the ability to use multiple windows on webtv.
Queen
Submitted by Mogwai (user info) at 2003-08-15 23:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ronnocken is right...this was posted before by hidden. Its still funny though.
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm with Judoka. Funniest thing. Ever.
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
douche
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1056395989443431497
You are an asshole
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't someone already post this exact same thing?
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Classic.
Submitted by Ho-Ju (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anything that makes me laugh out loud deserves a +2.
Oh, and I absolutely refuse to write "lol."
Submitted by NinjaStep (user info) at 2003-08-15 21:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was the best story except for the rebbeca, who was obviously a tree hugging, peace loving, tea drinking hippy, however, she did offer sufficient plot twists to keep me on the edge of my seat.
Submitted by Freak_Nasty (user info) at 2003-08-15 20:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, did it really get an A? That kicks ass.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-08-15 20:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This brought a huge smile to my face.
hahaha
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2003-08-15 20:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. Ever.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2003-08-15 20:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAH!!! We gotta try to write a story like that! :)
+2 points!