Minor reflection (469 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.75 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TJHOM (View user info) at 2009-04-04 22:35:25 EDT
When he was dying in the sweltering ruins of the day under the blanket of continuous humidity and the subtle forms of life buzzing and swelling around us. He bled deeply and painfully in the Vietnamese trap. I had enough time to talk with him in muffled voices to share a cigarette and the last of my whisky, we talked with an unintelligible fever, as if to outlast every moment. To move him would be death by further seconds. As my group mobilised to respond to enemy fire and as the needle shards sang over my head, I looked into his eyes and felt the purity I wished I had attained so long ago. He spoke for awhile and he was drunk in his death, he spoke of everything he knew and he cried about everything he loved and wished he had, and at the last moment when I wasn't sure whether I would be alive for the next ten minutes, he released himself to me. But they had been words, only words and they may have failed because I simply was not him.
I had out lasted his existence by seconds and seconds later, for all I knew I would be dead.
Life was such an important thing that after our engagements, we relished boredom, we tried to write, to voice our opinions and not appear so old that we were not of public issue, we wrote our stories, we became again individuals in a new world, yet our hearts had been dead for years.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-07 12:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lol
he came on you?
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2009-04-05 22:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sorry, here's my rating again.
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2009-04-05 22:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"he released himself to me"
If your intention was to write a homoerotic war novel, great success.
I don't care much for the characters, lack of suspense to keep me interested, no conclusion... too cheesy and sappy.
i haven't been this bored with a war story since Pear Harbor.
Try again
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-04-05 19:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by johnny.b.dumb (user info) at 2009-04-05 19:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bubbalicious, You should take your own advice. This isn't merely crap, but second rate crap at that.
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Go fuck yourself, you stupid ass.
Submitted by johnny.b.dumb (user info) at 2009-04-05 19:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bubbalicious, You should take your own advice. This isn't merely crap, but second rate crap at that.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-04-05 15:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"When he was dying in the sweltering ruins of the day under the blanket of continuous humidity and the subtle forms of life buzzing and swelling around us."
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That does not qualify as a sentence, nor did a few of the others. I gave the +1 because I caught the feeling you were trying to convey, but you should probably rewrite the whole thing.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-04-05 14:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-05 11:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet
Submitted by Tjhom (user info) at 2009-04-05 11:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im no veteran!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-04-05 10:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So you're a veteran?
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-04-05 10:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"This isn't Vietnam Dude. There are rules."
-Walter Sobchak
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-05 00:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
meat is murder
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-04-04 23:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment