Omega Part II (719 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.2 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sage!! Yes, really!! (View user info) at 2009-04-08 10:07:26 EDT
We meet. She is the only chick in this bar who looks loaded and easy.
It is dull and mundane conversation. I dislike talking to her but she has a fantastic rack. And she says her mom is hot too.
I ask her for her digits. She is probably STD free and I bet a cheap date too. She hands them over eagerly, smacking of desperation. Inwardly I laugh at her crappy act of aloofness.
She sounds positively relieved when I finally bother to call her two weeks later. I haven't fucked in ages and I am ready to go. I suggest we grab a MacDonalds. She says she would prefer Ethiopian (are they not starving? WTF?) so we agree on Italian. Anything to shut her the fuck up whining.
We will meet at seven she says. For her, work finishes at 6.15pm and she needs to go home and brush her teeth. I imagine she'll only just make it then.
As I enter the venue of our date I spot her straight away, her peroxide blonde hair a beacon. As we greet and hug I notice she smells of cats. This does not surprise me.
A smokin' hot waitress comes to take our order. As I check out her ass I suggest we should split a meal - I want this to be as cost effective as possible and the sooner we eat the sooner you can chow down on my cock.
You become a right huffy cow at the suggestion, I can see by looking at your muffin top waistline you'd like a little more. I expect you will go to the Burger King drive thru after leaving here, porker.
You keep looking at your watch, I want to bitch slap you for your rudeness but I don't want shrapnel wounds from the fallout of enamel that would follow. You talk about someone called 'Sico' and something called 'Uber' and some dumb sounding 'points' and I switch off completely and continue to stare at the hot waitress instead.
As we eat our shared food the waitress comes by to ask if everything is ok. You nod but what you don't see is I slip my phone number to the slut as she gives me a comely wink.
When she comes by to collect the plates (what a rack!) I order another drink, I am going to need one if I am nailing you tonight.
You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom - I see the smoking papers and rolling tobacco in your purse, you fucking hippy.
Whilst you are gone the waitress comes over. We chat, she seems to have the braincells you have smoked away. And she doesn't smell of cats.
You return mumbling something about leaving to meet a friend, trying and failing to play hard to get. I thank sweet Jesus and take this as my way to get the fuck out of here and leave you there sobbing into your pina colada.
As I hear your high heeled shoes clicking on the sidewalk, stumbling back to your car, I am already at the restuarant back exit banging the girl who served us. Nice tight pussy too.
For several months she texts and calls me pleading to know what she did wrong. I ignore her, hoping suicide happens soon. The restraining order is taking forever.
Finally, you get the message. Dumb bitch.
Oh yeah, and your shirt is fucking lilac you moron.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-04-16 01:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this story was good,but I have to deduct -1 for mentioning sico, and -1 for mentioning uber
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-09 00:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-09 00:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How odd. Tell me sphag why did you miss out the r? Orphelia hmm. Typo?
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where have you been the past few days? Fj leaves and all of a sudden we aren't good enough!!??
how are things with your stalker?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-09 00:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How odd. Tell me sphag why did you miss out the r? Orphelia hmm. Typo?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2009-04-08 23:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ophelia
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-04-08 19:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-04-08 19:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sage, I am disappointed you haven't mailed me asking if this is me.
We had a conversation about doing this, you were game.
I am certainly not that wigger sicosemen.
~~
shh..
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-04-08 17:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thought so.
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V
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-08 19:40:17 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Will this be a trilogy?
-----
no
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 16:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cerise?
fine
cerise it is.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will this be a trilogy?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed, cringed and laughed some more.
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 14:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sage, I am disappointed you haven't mailed me asking if this is me.
We had a conversation about doing this, you were game.
I am certainly not that wigger sicosemen.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just because I'm employed and cant type as fast is no reason to get lippy
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2009-04-08 12:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We will meet at seven she says. For her, work finishes at 6.15pm and she needs to go home and brush her teeth. I imagine she'll only just make it then."
:-)
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
me too, me too!!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/121784
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know who this is and I'm not telling.
Pretty funny stuff..
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goddammit just ONCE I wanted it not to be sico.
its ALWAYS sico.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am HEY JUDE, mother fuckers.!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sheer awesomeness on a fucking plate.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS: I haven't emailed Sico accusing him of this.
I have no fucking clue who this is. D_R, maybe? But he hates me...Rorrim/Mess...no clue...
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HeyJude: astrasoleil.at.gmail.com
Yes, please do it.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 ITS SNOWING HERE!!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
LOL this is funny, I am not bothered who it is.
Leave emission alone people.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HeyJude below
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:54:44 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not that clever rorrim
Considering your reply, i MUST conclude you're EI.
Or Orphelia.
Or KK.
Or.....
Damn, i hate that not knowing everything.
-------------------
Are you saying my replies are equally retarded!! how rude!
its really not me.
or is it
dun dunnnn dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-04-08 11:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mikey likes it.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not that clever rorrim
Considering your reply, i MUST conclude you're EI.
Or Orphelia.
Or KK.
Or.....
Damn, i hate that not knowing everything.
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a shlongy +2!
sagey do you want me to email you to end your misery - and probable email accusations to sico?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed, I cried, I sharted at the kitchen table!
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not that clever rorrim
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have titled this 'alpha', but who cares.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 15:30:32 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 FJ sighting.
--------
2+2 = .............
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am HeyJude. Darn. You are all so clever, especially FJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not really
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 FJ sighting.
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i beg forgiveness from ms nugget she really wanted me to use this account for good but then when i did she said i was boring!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Parody.
HeyJude = E.I.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
suspect below.
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EI, God no!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
im certainly not hey jude. ive just realised who it is. and yes jude, you are more than welcome to ridicule anyone you like! i dont care, i just thought this was shit.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
EmissionImpossible anyone on uber is fair game. no?
===========================
Yep, its part of the sign-up process, you have to agree to ridicule.
PS - HeyJude is E.I. methinks
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Hippy!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:19:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS: I am a NATURAL blonde; I've NEVER dyed or bleached my hair before, ever. I tried putting highlights in it twice...waste of money, you couldn't even tell.
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
EmissionImpossible anyone on uber is fair game. no?
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But then I don't have your email!!
Points!!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could claim that this was me, but alas that would be a lie.
nice to know you're thinking about me though.
;)
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EI? FJ?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ummmm im not sure about this
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no sage!! Now shush, I will mail you shortly.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sarg....ent?
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm being completely facetious by the way, have points.
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps i loves ya really sagey, think and you will know it
;)
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh god.
Who is this?
Not nearly as good as mine, BTW, hence the "I've seen better"...MY OWN. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!
THERE'S YOUR ARROGANCE, BITCHES!!
Submitted by HeyJude (user info) at 2009-04-08 10:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
points bitches points lol