Doom Reich (376 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -1.7 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by A true friend (View user info) at 2009-04-08 23:55:00 EDT
DOOM REICH is probably the best new publications to ever come into existence! Here's a testimonial:
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I used to be just like you. I lived, I loved, I laughed. I was a happy, well-adjusted person with a wife and kids. My life was turning out great. Then, one day, something amazing happened.
It happened after I had scarfed down a whole box of what turned out to be a box of chocolate laxatives while driving to work. I parked on the shoulder of the highway and tried to run into the trees to shit in secret, but fate had other things planned for me. I tripped on a rock and broke both my kneecaps. Trapped facedown, I was unable to hide myself from the hundreds of commuters that drove by, all of whom saw me spraying foamy liquid diarrhea into the air. I grabbed some roadside trash and covered my face with it until the ambulance arrived an hour later.
During the wait I had a lot of time to read that trash, and when I did I discovered it was so much more. It was a manifesto, an instruction book, a holy text.
It was DOOM REICH.
Soon after that I found myself doing things... things I'd never have considered before, but which seemed so right now. At first I was just torturing small animals and taking pictures of kids in the park. Then I got bolder and started taking the cutest children to my basement, where I'd stick needles into their testicles and beat them. When I was done I would just dump them in the street and let them crawl home. One day, I didn't. The bodies piled up fast, and eventually my own sons were among the dead. I didn't care about them. I didn't care about anything anymore.
A few days ago I set my wife on fire. When I was sure she was fully cooked I started cutting chunks out of her juicy flesh. She was delicious. I discovered that she was pregnant. I ate the fetus, too. I think some of the neighbors noticed the smell.
A few minutes ago I heard sirens outside and I knew the police had finally come for me. A few gunshots out the window have kept them back long enough to write this. Some people will say that I was sick, that the sickness had always been in me. They'll be wrong. I know what did this to me.
It was DOOM REICH.
I have two more messages. To those of you who are thinking of buying a copy of DOOM REICH - don't. Buy ten, twenty, a hundred. Hand them out on the street. Send them to congressmen and senators. Force people to read it at gunpoint. Spread the Good News. To those of you who aren't thinking of buying a copy of this 'zine - get off of this computer immediately, get a fork, and gouge your eyes out. If you don't want to take a look at this extreme, intelligent, and extremely intelligent 'zine, then you don't deserve to take a look at anything at all.
I hear the cops running up the steps now. I am going to kill myself. Goodbye,
A TRUE Fan
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Order it here: http://metal-archives.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=49070
Quickly, before it sells out!
User Reviews
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2009-04-27 17:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey retard I got a new story going live today.
I expect a rain of -2's, in accordance with your faggotry.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-04-18 20:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FARTFART FART
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-09 08:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i read this as drogo roch, i was very excited
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-09 05:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Spastic.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-04-09 02:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2009-04-09 02:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ergh, nothing special
mildly entertaining and funny in some parts (not many), semi-original.
rather pointless and stupid, but i did finish reading
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2009-04-09 01:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
revenge is best served cold. nothing personal.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-09 01:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
durrrr
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-04-09 01:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-09 00:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm running out of asswipe - let me know if I can get a deal on a box of back issues.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-08 23:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this isn't craigslist.