Friends Don't Let Friends Hit Balls Out of Water Hazards (732 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.78 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ENV3NOM (View user info) at 2009-04-19 11:29:04 EDT
Some friends from work and I hit the links yesterday, my first outing of the year. I played regularly with my dad when I was in high school but these days might make it out once a year if I'm lucky. These are the hazards of simultaneously being a full time corporate whore and part time rock star, you simply don't have time for much of anything else, especially if you plan to have a dating life.
Collectively we are probably the four worst golfers ever to hit the course. (And to reinforce stereo-types, the guy with the nicest, shiniest gear was by far the worst of the bunch) Our group spent as much time picking out fly golf threads, preparing mixed course beverages and packing the cooler, twisting up, etc. as we did on the course. Actually, that's not true, we played the longest nine holes in the history of golf.
It was entertaining to say the least, watching the guy with the brand-spanking-new clubs putt with a sand-wedge and chip with his driver; Watching him flinch and whiff completely when a passing driver honked just as he was entering his swing; Watching them drive the golf cart over a creaky wooden footbridge and watching the groundskeeper furiously chasing after them; Watching myself get the cart stuck while to climb over inordinately large obstacles. All of which brings us to Curtis.
It would be fair to say Curtis had a rough day. He was having trouble with the belt on his new threads (I'm still not certain why, I thought belts were fairly self-explanatory) to the point where he actually had to ask for help like a little kid. Watching ladies-man Gary try to help him, reaching forward yet simultaneously looking and leaning away and overtly trying not to look gay was amusing to say the least. Needless to say this method of assistance was not very effective and the problems continued.
On the same hole where the driver honked at our other friend, Curtis drove the ball over the net along side the road and nearly hit an oncoming Lexus. He lost $20 on a ridiculous bet on another hole, which brings us to the 6th. Just beyond the back right of the green there is water hazard. Curtis' ball landed in the water but was near the edge and still visible from the surface.
As he approached the ball and extended his club I figured he was just going to reach in and pull it out, then curiously he assumed a stance. I looked our friend Ced who was equally puzzled. "What is he doing? He's not seriously going to hit that, is he?" Then it happened - locked in a title battle to win the glorious title of "least-crappy of the four worst golfers on the planet," Curtis' pride got the best of him and he attempted to save a stroke by hitting the ball from under two feet of water.
Seconds later Curtis' $80 worth of fresh white-gear was soaked in pond scum and he was teetering on the edge, looking like momentarily either he or his club would be submerged. He managed to regain his balance and miraculously the ball came out of the water, but only a foot from the edge. In fact, if he had dropped he would have been in better position. We sat there stunned, desperately wishing we'd had the foresight to break out our camera phones for benefit of the audience on Youtube.
"How could you let me do that?" he inquired.
"Dude, I have absolutely no idea what you were thinking."
"The guys at the clubhouse are going to think I wrestled an alligator or something."
"Yeah, you look pretty ridiculous."
"I'm never partying with you guys, you're supposed to look out. If I get too drunk you'll probably carry me to the car, put me in the passenger seat, put my foot on the gas and start the engine for me."
Hey, what are friends are for?
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-04-23 01:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2009-04-20 22:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...and again that was for NINE holes. :P
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2009-04-20 22:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear you brother but I'm telling you man, we got to the course around 4:30 and left the course at 8. We did hit one bucket of balls between the four of us first and wolfed down some hot dogs before the 1st tee but most of that was course time. That's pretty bad.
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2009-04-20 22:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds somewhat familiar to my golfing experience last week. Me and my buddy went out for 18 holes -- took us 4 and a half fucking hours. I've caddied for four 95 year old people and done 18 holes in 4 hours flat.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-20 17:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yawnfest
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-04-20 13:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-20 08:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sgthartman has no comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-20 08:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm having to back out of my company knock the rust off open. You are terrible at story telling, by the way.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-19 21:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice story.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-04-19 20:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i last picked up a golf club in 1987, I think....
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-04-19 20:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too much gay in the pic.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-19 14:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
looks weirdly like Marcus Trescothick
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-04-19 14:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a high-powered slingshot in my golf bag. Makes getting over trees a lot easier. I don't keep score, either. I'm a golf rebel like that. Shorts with big floppin' thigh pockets, t-shirt, surf shoes instead of soft-spikes... you can't stop me. Don't even try.
Submitted by RageMode (user info) at 2009-04-19 13:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
High quality entertainment. Sounds like a day out with me and my buddies, good times man.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-04-19 13:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I lol'd a little bit there. But it was just too damn close to a blog for me. That's why you guys don't hear hotel stories from me, cause they always sound like a damn blog.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-04-19 11:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fag