10 things I'd rather be doing (760 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.43 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Little Sally (View user info) at 2009-04-22 03:54:33 EDT
1. Having sex.
2. Masturbating.
3. Drinking in front of people who wanted to have sex.
4. Having people drinking who were masturbating in front of me.
5. Saving the world.
6. Drinking.
7. Doing illicit drugs while drinking, and masturbating to people masturbating in front of me while having sex.
8. Doing number seven on ANOTHER PLANET
9. Discovering that other planet, and then naming that planet "The Place Where I Found People Masturbating to people Masturbating in Front of Me While Having Sex"
10. Going to an awards ceremony in my honor after having a new planet named after me; drinking too much at the after-party for the awards show, and shortly thereafter falling asleep.
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-04-23 01:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-04-22 23:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2009-04-22 19:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Berty's comments.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2009-04-22 18:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-08-15 21:44:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
people who think baseball is boring are the scum of the earth
FACT is, there is no more nuanced and complex sport ever devised, and no sport has the tradition and lore of baseball.
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I can't believe we actually agree on something.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-04-22 17:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-08-15 21:44:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
people who think baseball is boring are the scum of the earth
FACT is, there is no more nuanced and complex sport...
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i stopped reading when you said baseball is a sport.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-04-22 17:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-22 17:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-04-22 22:19:23 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
good lord how does this have a positive rating?
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uber is full of virgins and you mention sex.
I think you have what Michael Douglas had, Sally.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-04-22 17:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
good lord how does this have a positive rating?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-22 14:26:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 14:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes.
tell your father the support money is late and i'm not buying you any new clothes until i get it.
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I would if he'd lay the pipe down long enough to come out of the trailer.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 14:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes.
tell your father the support money is late and i'm not buying you any new clothes until i get it.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-04-22 14:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-22 10:06:07 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Certainly this new sign language will herald a special era for the deaf community with teenagers clustering together to blow something up and then, comfortably rendered incapable of vocal communication, slather their nethers in grease and spend a frantic evening conveying their thoughts with spattered bodily fluids across the virgin ground. One wonders what relevance smell will have.
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Will this new sign language have a visual equivelant of emoticons and commonly used coloquial abbreviations such as "lol", "ftw" and "wtfinrat"?
An illustrated dictionary would read like a self abusing version of the Kama Sutra.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-22 14:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mom? Is that you?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 14:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA
REALLY FUNNY HUH?
LOFUCKINGL RIGHT SNARK?
i'm going to stab you in the scrotum, uncultured swine.
bastard son of a pig.
godless heathen.
scumdog.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-22 13:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 13:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-08-15 21:44:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
people who think baseball is boring are the scum of the earth
FACT is, there is no more nuanced and complex sport ever devised, and no sport has the tradition and lore of baseball. if it's too boring then you have the attention span of an even more retarded electro
in closing, a quote from the greatest broadcaster in sports history, Vin Scully:
"Football is to baseball as blackjack is to bridge. One is the quick jolt. The other the deliberate, slow-paced game of skill, but never was a sport more ideally suited to television than baseball. It's all there in front of you. It's theatre, really. The star is the spotlight on the mound, the supporting cast fanned out around him, the mathematical precision of the game moving with the kind of inevitability of Greek tragedy. With the Greek chorus in the bleachers!"
disrespecting baseball is an activity of uncultured swine
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Hahahahahaha
*yawn*
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 13:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:(
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 13:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2007-08-15 21:44:02 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
people who think baseball is boring are the scum of the earth
FACT is, there is no more nuanced and complex sport ever devised, and no sport has the tradition and lore of baseball. if it's too boring then you have the attention span of an even more retarded electro
in closing, a quote from the greatest broadcaster in sports history, Vin Scully:
"Football is to baseball as blackjack is to bridge. One is the quick jolt. The other the deliberate, slow-paced game of skill, but never was a sport more ideally suited to television than baseball. It's all there in front of you. It's theatre, really. The star is the spotlight on the mound, the supporting cast fanned out around him, the mathematical precision of the game moving with the kind of inevitability of Greek tragedy. With the Greek chorus in the bleachers!"
disrespecting baseball is an activity of uncultured swine
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-04-22 13:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry scourgey, you know I loves ya.
But unless you are AT the game, baseball is boring as fuck.
Unless it's the bluejays WINNING BACK TO BA...uh, nah, that was pretty boring too.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 13:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rob, if you ever ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ baseball again, i'll be feeding you your own testicles.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-04-22 13:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1-10
EWWWWWW
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11. watching the Mets lose the series opener to the Cardinals 6 - 4.
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ZZZZZZZZZZ
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12 - Watching the Canucks sweep St Louis.
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WOOOOOOOO.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-22 12:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
12 - Watching the Canucks sweep St Louis.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-22 09:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
11. watching the Mets lose the series opener to the Cardinals 6 - 4.
:D
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-04-22 09:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not nearly as funny as the original one.
add writing a suicide letter to that list.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-22 09:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty sure Berty is overthinking this.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-22 08:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hit the snoozebar.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-22 07:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-22 12:11:59 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well EI, whilst tartrazine is often lambasted as being bad for you, studies by post graduate students have shown that it can extend the operational 'life time' of a functioning alcoholic by up to 3 years.
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Well Berty, Tartrazine is a coal-tar derivative that is used to colour foods. It is literally industrial waste. If you get mysterious hives or sometimes wake up with swollen eyelids, this could be the culprit.
Tartrazine is also reputed to be a catalyst in hyperactivity/ADD, other behavioral problems, asthma, migranes, thyroid cancer, and lupus. Dr House would be impressed.
Watch out for E-102
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-22 07:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeesh, if you wanna bang the PLANET just ask.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-04-22 07:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-22 07:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well EI, whilst tartrazine is often lambasted as being bad for you, studies by post graduate students have shown that it can extend the operational 'life time' of a functioning alcoholic by up to 3 years.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-22 06:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
uh oh, Berty has eaten too many smarties.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-04-22 05:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus berty.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-22 05:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder, do you drink to forget? Or does the alcohol form the essential bridge between the emotional part of the brain and whatever area of quintessential uptightness it flees from? It seems perfectly natural and conceivable that an individual who's chief interest, nay chief categorical imperative, is self climax would be a veritable warren of insecurity and anxiety.
God I love the internet. It is truly the rope thrown to man drowning in the quicksand of his own self-loathing. Have no fear Little Sally! You shall find in this morass of humanity and self-publishisation that angel who will videotape you and pass nurturing comment on your consistency and volume. The internet will one day mean that loneliness is nothing more than a fetish surrounded with religious evangelists searching for dupes like remoras around a suicide victim floating in a estury; although I suppose one could say that is the case already.
Makes you think.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-22 05:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You raise an interesting point with your dense quantity of references to masturbation: masturbation as more than a mere release but as a way of life. A method of coping perhaps or, intruigingly, of communication. In this medium of fap, lotion will become the new ink although one cannot help but wonder what significance a chapped phallus would have in this new order.
What do you think?
Perhaps a sneered "chapped" will become the new "motormouth", an expression which has itself passed into anachronism.
Certainly this new sign language will herald a special era for the deaf community with teenagers clustering together to blow something up and then, comfortably rendered incapable of vocal communication, slather their nethers in grease and spend a frantic evening conveying their thoughts with spattered bodily fluids across the virgin ground. One wonders what relevance smell will have.
Have I got the wrong end of the stick, no pun intended, in interpreting this as a group activity? Perhaps we are once again on our lonely, booze fuelled, stakeout of the sexually frustrated; stroking in unison to find some kind of shared moment of unconsious understanding. That this represents a zenith of potential activity for you is a fascinating portrait of a man (or woman) who certainly stands to the left of established culture. In this era of the extrovert, it is comforting to find a specimen who's concept of the ultimate experience is one of isolation, deviancy and adventure.
I suppose it is that which makes creepy weirdos so fascinating.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-04-22 04:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
3. Drinking in front of people who wanted to have sex.
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Out of all the things you could be doing; listening to a philharmonic orchestra whilst reading some literary feast or mainlining heroin into both arms whilst recieving an enema or fasting and praying for a week to tumble down some spiritual path to become so enlightened that all you see is bathed in white light you instead choose this?
What does that even look like?
Do you seperate two lovers into perspex boxes and then sit on some manner of cheap plastic chair in front of them sipping some kind of ridiculously adorned cocktail? Am I being too literal in my interpretation of 'people'? Instead do you merely go on a date with some desperate specimen, drawing sadistic pleasure from their clumsy efforts at seduction whilst supping on baileys or some other froo froo offering? Does one even need to be observed whilst this happens? Is it a clandestine enterprise? Is the ultimate realisation of this some manner of boozed up stakeout?
In any case, you have some proper unusual hobbies.