Bad Karma . . . (768 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.47 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bad Company <badcompany231.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2009-04-24 14:14:40 EDT
As I was proceeding up the stairwell to the post office
I was accosted by a little old lady crocheting small one
foot by one foot squares. She looks at me and smiles
with the charm of an old woman and asked, "Would you
like to buy a pretty hand-made dish cloth?"
I returned the smile and replied courteously, "No thanks,
I don't have any money with me." This was, of course, a
complete fabrication. I had just stopped at the bank
before the post office. I finished my business and head
back out to my car.
Before I left I kept sitting in my car and watching the old
lady try to pawn her "pretty hand-made dish cloths" to the
public. She wasn't very successful. She raved about how
soft they are, she beckoned the people to touch them. They
last forever she pointed out. Still, the small town folk
thought she was crazy.
Just as I was preparing to leave, a bird managed to shit
right on her head and on the pile of dish cloths she had
crocheted. The unwavering smile she had plastered on
her face began to fade, her lips trembling with the sting
of defeat and taste of bird shit in her mouth. Her eyes
had begun to well up with tears. She gathered her things
and started jogging, or the closest thing to a jog she
could muster, away. She ran across the street . . . but
only made it halfway as she was hit by a car. She had
looked the wrong for oncoming traffic, it was a one way
road. She rolled off of the hood of the car and landed in
the street. The fall looked painful especially considering
her age. The sudden braking of the car caught another
drive off guard and there was a collision. The crash caused
the first car to lurch forward and roll over the old woman's
foot. She was screaming in pain. Another car was coming
around a blind curve and rear-ended the second car which
pushed the first car forward even further, catching the old
woman in the head as she was clutching her ankle. As she
lay there bleeding and in pain I slowly put my car into gear
and drove to the nearest gas station, filled up my car, and
bought a lottery ticket. I won $250.
User Reviews
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-05-09 17:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-04-28 08:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YESSSS!!!!!!!!
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-04-27 17:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-04-27 17:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The comments went to dongs and bongs and I am still with the old lady and her wares of squares...
* SIGH *
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-27 14:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
?Que?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-04-27 12:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
u67 57i 7i 7
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-04-27 03:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it still doesn't look right. fuck this site.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-04-27 03:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
............A
..........Circle
.......Is OK, I guess
.....What about a triangle
Would people praise that as much
.....Or a diamond. It's no
.......Circle; but it
..........works.
............:)
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-04-27 03:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A
Circle
Is OK, I guess
What about a triangle
Would people praise that as much?
Or a diamond. It's no
Circle; but it
works.
:)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-04-27 02:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UBER USED TO BE LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME, BELIEVE IT OR NOT
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-04-26 03:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 simply for the fact that my new chipped box gives me three free porn channels.
Oh I died and went to heaven last night six times over.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-04-24 21:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I pray to God that Sage meets somebody at TGI Friday's or wherever this weekend and gets laid. There, I made this a positive comment and didn't give voice to my fantasies about curbstomping and such.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... "~--------~~~"''
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOING!
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.............................what
..............about a circle? wouldn't
.......that just be the coolest!? I mean
....it is a text circle, not a text box but a
...text circle ! ! ! Woo Hoo ! ! ! I just made
..a text circle. Its pretty sexy and round eh?
.The hard part is trying to find the word to fill
.your text circle. Maybe I could tell you about
my dog Ping-Pong. I named him that because
Ping-Pong sounds cool. He was white with a
.brown spot over his left eye. He also had a
..short tail. He loved to hump things, all the
.....time. People, cats, dogs, poles, pretty
......much anything and everything that
.........he could physically mount. well
..........one day he tried to mount a
......................car and died.
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what
about a circle? wouldn't
that just be the coolest!? I mean
it is a text circle, not a text box but a
text circle ! ! ! Woo Hoo ! ! ! I just made
a text circle. Its pretty sexy and round eh?
The hard part is trying to find the word to fill
your text circle. Maybe I could tell you about
my dog Ping-Pong. I named him that because
Ping-Pong sounds cool. He was white with a
brown spot over his left eye. He also had a
short tail. He loved to hump things, all the
time. People, cats, dogs, poles, pretty
much anything and everything that
he could physically mount. well
one day he tried to mount a
car and died.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sage, sack up and tell him straight up. could possibly be a friend or he'll leave you alone. obligatory "lay there and be a cock sock" comment here.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoops. No, like this.
....................Are..................................
................you calling..............................
.............me someone else? I..........................
..........don't like that. I am Bad......................
........Company and BadCompany is BadComp................
.....any. End of story my friend. Besides, do............
...you know anyone that puts a space between their.......
.periods .in .a .set .of .3 .back .to .back .periods?....
Much better.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PEACE mother bitches. Have a good weekend.
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOOK IZE CAN TALKZ 2WO!!!!!11!!!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Now you should try a triangle. Like this:
Are
you calling
me someone else? I
don't like that. I am Bad
Company and BadCompany is BadComp
any. End of story my friend. Besides, do
you know anyone that puts a space between their
periods in a set of 3 back to back periods?
Nice.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you calling me someone else? I don't like that.
I am BadCompany and BadCompany is BadCompany.
End of story my friend. Besides, do you know anyone
that puts a space between their periods in a set of 3
back to back periods?
---
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE TALKING IN HERE?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sico stop making ridiculous suppositions Sico, seriously.
=========
AND WAS IT NECESSARY TO USE MY NAME TWICE HERE?
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you calling me someone else? I don't like that.
I am BadCompany and BadCompany is BadCompany.
End of story my friend. Besides, do you know anyone
that puts a space between their periods in a set of 3
back to back periods?
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
except for that last comment. but that's mainly because I didn't understand a single fucking word he just said.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know, if you remove all of the nastiness and needling from Sico's responses he actually makes a little sense here.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shoes are shit and until you learn how to say no, no one is going to respect you no matter how "fresh" you think you are. If you can't respect yourself enough to say no to someone I would use you as a foot mat and penis holder. You've seen both sides of my dating and you know when I respect someone and when I don't.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wait a minute ....
This is ghola's alter, isn't it.
NOBODY can write like ghola.
Busted.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking right, my shoes are SWEET.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sico stop making ridiculous suppositions Sico, seriously.
I dont like dating at all and I suck at it. That's really all there is to it. I would be happy if I had a boyfriend who I respected and was attracted to and who respected me. But I haven't yet met anyone who meets that criteria. I either am attracted to them but dont respect them or they dont respect me, or any variant of qualities that make for an unsavory experience for us both.
I have no qualms with my self-esteem whatsoever...I think I'm pretty rad, actually.
=====================
And your shoes are fresh!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sico stop making ridiculous suppositions Sico, seriously.
I dont like dating at all and I suck at it. That's really all there is to it. I would be happy if I had a boyfriend who I respected and was attracted to and who respected me. But I haven't yet met anyone who meets that criteria. I either am attracted to them but dont respect them or they dont respect me, or any variant of qualities that make for an unsavory experience for us both.
I have no qualms with my self-esteem whatsoever...I think I'm pretty rad, actually.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-04-24 16:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post appeals to me because its nice and neat - its all very rectangular. Otherwise, it was shit.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Because sage doesn't know how to separate real life from the internet yet and finds that instead of solving her own problems she'll come here to hopefully have one person say something that will make her feel better about herself. It's a disparaging fact that she can't date properly and doesn't know how to handle herself so if, and when, she does get a boyfriend she still won't be happy.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cuz this is ubersite. It's like the room full of monkeys and typewriters except the monkeys have internet access and the poop they hurl = reviews.
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why did the story about an old woman's horrible day turn into some sex fueled feud?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sage is such a talkative retard. Call him and tell him your not interested and that you tried. You don't have a spine and watching you pour your heart out to ubersite is vomit inducing. Get a fucking therapist already, you crazy bitch. And no, you don't have a spine. You let people, including me, walk right over you. At least I entertain you so we're equal.
You can always slam my dick down your throat in uncomfortable (for you) positions.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A preemptive "fuck you" to everyone who is thinking/going to say "just have sex...no relationship/strings necessary". SORRY. Thats not me at all so take your judgment elsewhere, polyps.
I can't change the fact that sex = feelings and honestly I'm glad it does because it has prevented/will prevent me from having unnecessary sex/feelings with assholes who aren't worth my time or orgasms.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I DO have a spine but I'm horrible with men. This is why I'm single and while I hate not having sex I'd rather be sexually frustrated than bored to death with some schmuck I'm not attracted to (and thereby bore HIM to death).
With me, it's all or nothing. I either like you or I don't. There is no in between at all.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:22:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok...so I went on a date with a dude on Sunday and he is super cool and nice and whatever but I am completely not interested in him whatsoever and he asked me out again and I'm horrible and said yes but what I meant to say is "no thanks dude".
I mean I can hang out with him but I know he will be expecting it to be a date or whatever and its not...I could be his friend but I know he wants to date me and I'm not with that...soooooo what the fuck do I do now?
Have points and help me.
------------------------------------
It's really simple. You need to develop a spine.
You're a wimp. You tell men (apparently) what you think they want to hear instead of how you really feel. You'll never get anywhere with the opposite sex until you recognize and correct this one incredibly simple thing.
Easier said than done? Maybe. Easy to point the finger at someone and say "change!"
Still, it's true.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for your user name....almost as cool as mine.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-04-24 15:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um, NO.
I don't "sympathy fuck" anyone...I'm FAR too prude for THAT level of shenanigans.
NEXT!!
-----------------------
Well, that pretty much crosses the males of Uber off the list of possibles.
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well yeah. Smoking him out would always be a good choice. You could always just get him high whenever he comes around. Knock his ass out with weed.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sage, you have to sack up and tell him you aren't interested in dating right now. Be nice, tell him he's a great guy, but you just aren't into dating him. He may be disappointed but he will appreciate your honesty. I had a similar situation a little over a year ago, and I was too scared to be honest at first, and I still feel bad about it because it ended up really awkward. If I had just been up-front from the beginning, it would have been a lot better. DO IT.
------------------------
JEANNEEE YOU SWORE YOU WOULDNT BRING IT UP ON UBER
:(
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If by "blow job" you mean "hit of weed out of my sweet fucking bowl"...he's got a deal AND that's an awesome idea...points from me on your next post even though I'm POSITIVE you've -2ed me in the past, cocksmoker.
THANKS!
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're failing at helping me, below.
I mean, what do guys wanna hear when a girl doesnt like them? Whats REALLY the best way to say "I've put you in the friend zone!!"?
___________________________________________________________________
What we want to hear is: "Here are your parting-gifts of a blow job and a six-pack."
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could tell him that you have some strange communicable disease. That usually puts most guys off. Not all, but most.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok...so maybe if I hang out with him again be like, "you're super cool...I'm glad we're friends!" and then lead up to that? Or just dont hang out with him, period? Like I said I wouldn't mind hanging out with him but only as a friend.
I dont really like ANYONE right now...I think I'm a bit too mental to like anyone, lol. Probably better that way.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um, NO.
I don't "sympathy fuck" anyone...I'm FAR too prude for THAT level of shenanigans.
NEXT!!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sage, you have to sack up and tell him you aren't interested in dating right now. Be nice, tell him he's a great guy, but you just aren't into dating him. He may be disappointed but he will appreciate your honesty. I had a similar situation a little over a year ago, and I was too scared to be honest at first, and I still feel bad about it because it ended up really awkward. If I had just been up-front from the beginning, it would have been a lot better. DO IT.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:46:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're failing at helping me, below.
I mean, what do guys wanna hear when a girl doesnt like them? Whats REALLY the best way to say "I've put you in the friend zone!!"?
==========
Just sympathy fuck him and then tell him to buzz off. Problem solved.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're failing at helping me, below.
I mean, what do guys wanna hear when a girl doesnt like them? Whats REALLY the best way to say "I've put you in the friend zone!!"?
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aye, I'd change it if I were able. I haven't been able to locate any sort of edit button.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are allowed to
use the entire
width of the screen
you know. Text
wrapping is your friend.
sometimes
when things
are
stretched
out
like
this
it
kind
of
makes
them
difficult
to
read.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:22:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the shit is this?
Ok...so I went on a date with a dude on Sunday and he is super cool and nice and whatever but I am completely not interested in him whatsoever and he asked me out again and I'm horrible and said yes but what I meant to say is "no thanks dude".
I mean I can hang out with him but I know he will be expecting it to be a date or whatever and its not...I could be his friend but I know he wants to date me and I'm not with that...soooooo what the fuck do I do now?
Have points and help me.
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why thank you.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-04-24 14:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you have all the makings of a real shit poster.
congrats.