Two guys walk into a bar. (1130 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: 1.81 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AJ <uberaj.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2009-05-07 08:50:22 EDT
John turned his hat to a forty-five degree angle. Smoothed the bill with his hands, snapping his fingers as he came to the edge. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his plaid shorts and picked up his pace; sandals flopping against the pavement, and baggy shirt flapping behind him. His shoulders were turning violently into the air at each big stride. It was going to be a long night.
Luke dragged his feet a bit and checked his watch. Cast a forlorn look toward the car. The horn sounding the security system engagement dashed his hopes of hopping in and hiding or running away. John had taken the keys. As Luke turned his eyes back to the bar, he saw John was already at the door, holding it wide and looking expectantly at him. Luke could see the impatience on John's face. It moved through his body as his free arm slunk downward from the shoulder. Luke ambled toward him.
As he approached the entrance, John gave him a playful shove through as the door swung silently shut behind them. The sound of the cue striking a fresh rack put a punctuation mark on their arrival. Luke took a small step back, but John was right behind him to prevent his escape. The din of conversation and crunchy fried food and country music fell quiet. All the regulars stared. John nudged his way past Luke and clomped up to the bar, planting himself on the first stool. Luke had not been here since the fight.
Kris lowered her eyes at Luke and honed in on his movements as he tiptoed his way to the empty stool next to John. He sat down and kept his head low, avoiding her gaze as she wiped the counter in front of them with a bar rag.
"So... I don't suppose I can ask what it is you think you're doing here, can I, Luke?"
"We're doin' shots." John held the first two fingers of his hand like scissors as he continued to interject. "Cuervo. No lime. No salt." Kris ignored him and continued to glower at Luke.
"You've got two hours." She pushed herself back from the bar and began to untwist the Sure-Pour top from the neck of the tequila. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw John nudge Luke, who was still relatively motionless. It seemed his feet were the most comforting things his eyes had ever seen.
"Two hours my ass- we can stay 'til close if we feel like it," John bumped Luke with his elbow to try and rile his attention. Kris put the plastic shot measurer back on the bottle as she poured the second shot; then handed the emptier of the two to John. He flashed her a smile as he placed his credit card on the bar. "Keep it open."
"Two beers. Coronas. It's Cinco de Mayo up in this bitch. Who wants to play pool? No one? Good idea. I'd just beat your ass anyways." John was slurring his words and swaying his movements. Luke finally gave up a smile when John slammed the top of his bottle with the bottom of his own. He rushed to get the cold gold volcano into his mouth, and uttered a happy grunt. Hours had passed. No sign of trouble had shown itself. Kris was visibly relaxed. She took her long-sleeve shirt off and tucked it in a cupboard beneath, revealing a tank top specifically designed for earning more tips.
"Two shots, Curse. Krissss. HaHA. Wha-oops. TEQUILA." She turned back to the shelf to grab the bottle. Luke tried not to stare at the bruises Kris had on her arm. He could still see the outline of the bastard's fingers.
The door burst open, and through it came a pair of burly older men. One had tobacco spit stuck in his beard and a black eye stuck on his face. For the second time in the night, the bar fell silent.
"Hey, you." The bearded old man clenched his fists and planted his feet as his friend stood behind him smiling. Luke ignored him, and went back to the solace of his toes. "I'm talking to you. You look at me when I'm talking to you."
Kris put her hands on her hips to address them. "You need to leave. Now."
"If I wanted your lip I'd rattle my zipper. This doesn't concern you."
"Yes it does. This is my bar. If you don't leave, I'm calling the cops. You're not going to fight my brother in my bar."
"You're right. I'm going to fight him outside your bar. Come on out, Retard. We'll see how lucky you punch when I'm paying attention. You can bring that wigger with you if you're too afraid to fight man-on-man." With that, the men turned and walked back out of the bar.
"Don't go out there, Luke. If you go out there, you can't ever come back here. You understand me?" He balefully gazed at Kris and nodded. John stood up and walked toward the door. "JOHN. Get your ass back here."
"I'm jus' gonna have a cigarette. I'll be right back."
"Be careful. Don't say anything stupid."
He looped his thumb and index finger and clicked his tongue at her. He adjusted his waistband beneath his shirt as he stepped out into the night. Luke moaned excitedly to Kris, who was peering out the window in the door, trying to catch glimpse of John. "He'll be fine, Luke. They're not going to do anything to him." Luke continued moaning, then started to bang his fist on the bar. "WHAT?" Kris said as she whipped around. Luke was pointing vehemently at the stool where John sat. Kris put an arm on his shoulderblades and looked over. John's cigarettes were still there.
Two shots.
User Reviews
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-10-01 03:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
woo
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2009-10-01 00:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2009-05-12 08:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for bringing GLALL out of the void. Oh, and the post. That too.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2009-05-08 14:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh I'll shoot something at you alright, AJ. Maybe it's hard, long shaft will get the point across that I am most definitely talking about my penis.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2009-05-08 14:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GLALL!
Shoot me an email sometime, ya crazy bastard. Myspace-ing is too creepy, and we need to catch up.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2009-05-08 14:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck actually writes words around here anymore? This was a story, man, and you know from the bottom of my heart, that I've taken waaaaayyyy too many drugs in my life and this is going nowhere. Sorry. How are the kids?
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-07 19:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The barman asks "where did you get the pig"?
The woman says "thats not a pig". The barman answers "I was talking to the duck".
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-05-07 15:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
THE THIRD ONE DUCKS.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-05-07 14:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head.
The bartender asks "Can I help you?"
The duck says "Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?"
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-05-07 13:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this was a nice story full of words all one after another but they didn't seem to make much sense to my thoughtmeats
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-05-07 13:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-05-07 11:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-07 11:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my first impression, without reading any reviews, was that this was almost as fantastic as corinne.
i'll be sure to tell her to stop by and read it.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2009-05-07 11:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-07 09:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A horse walks into a bar,
the bartender says "why the long face?"
=========================
I could've sworn this was gonna read
A horse walks into a bar,
the bartender says "hey Sage, the usual?"
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A Jew, an Arab, a priest, and a parrot walk in to a bar.
Bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Corona and Tequila? Are the main character's little Mexican girls?
Only this reads like they're actually American blokes.
Not that there's much difference. Couple of hundred pounds perhaps.
---
Gahahahahahahaha.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Corona and Tequila? Are the main character's little Mexican girls?
Only this reads like they're actually American blokes.
Not that there's much difference. Couple of hundred pounds perhaps.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-07 10:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-07 09:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A horse walks into a bar,
the bartender says "why the long face?"
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-05-07 09:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two guys walk into a bar.
One says, "Ouch!"
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-05-07 09:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice open-ended finish. Lets the reader's imagination play out the moments after the last line. Some backstory on the bar owner's brother and why they were fighting might have helped build tension before the final scene.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-07 09:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw the word 'cigarettes'.
Words are funny.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-05-07 09:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sgt. not every post is about Orphelias tits.
what am I saying? of course they are.
but I liked this post too.
nicely done.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-07 08:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummmmmm, maybe its too early but Im not sure what happenned here.
Did the guy go out rambo style and fight them, did he run, why did luke just sit there, why couldnt kris see out the window, why would the bikers instantly want to fight them?
It must be too early for real reading.
Isnt there an "orphelia's tits" post around here somewhere?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-05-07 08:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't read this, but I'm sure it's fantastic. Just like me.