Be careful who you perv on (43560 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: B@W
Rating: 1.78 on 58 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nath (w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m) (View user info) at 2009-05-07 12:22:15 EDT
My train into work every morning is shit. I don't know why, what with me having some level of intelligence and those in charge seeming to be faceless bunch of assholes who probably get a private helicopter into work each day to avoid the hell that is London transport. There's never enough space, enough trains, enough air, enough anything, except conflicting body odour.
At first I thought that it's just a problem for big fat bastards like me, but from the glum looks on everyone else's face, it's them too. My station is the start of a bottle neck for about four different routes, so even if you decide to wait for the next train, it will be just as busy. So everyday I just about manage to get on a train, typically squashed in an aisle between another fat fuck and a dog ugly woman. Whenever I can, I'll take a spot by the doors so that when we stop at another station and people open them looking in helplessly for a bit of space to force their way into with their suitcases, pushchairs and children I can get a bit of a breeze that can relax me so much.
This morning was just such an occasion where I had positioned myself facing towards the front of the train, right next to the doors. It's the closest thing I can get to a fun journey in.
Two stops later, the train which had no room on it to begin with had another fifty or so people onboard, so hardly anyone could even lift their hands, let alone manouver. We came in to the stop, and a young woman, probably about 26 or 27 managed to just about make it on to the train. Much like everyone else, her arms were pinned to her sides. This woman wasn't too bad to look at generally speaking. She certainly wasn't a knock-out stunner or anything, but she had a nice face, long, dark hair and quite a nice figure. The only thing that really stood out was the size of her chest.
I'm not really one for the large, oversized breasts. I'm just happy with a pleasant handful, I don't need more than that. She had a handful for maybe Galactus, but no one else. And they were impressively firm. She either had good DNA or a great bra. There seemed to be no sag in them at all.
As the train doors closed on her, her chest and feet were blocking the doors. She managed to shuffle her feet back a bit, and was even able to push her top half back a bit to make room, and the doors quietly slid back into place. This was followed by a quiet 'pop' and then the rattle of a small piece of plastic hitting the floor.
The force of this lady moving backwards had somehow caused the top button of her already straining shirt to pop off. The only ones who could really see was me and the guy stood on her other side, but this didn't stop her panic. However, with her arms stuck, she couldn't really do anything about it, and as she was wriggling her arms and shoulders around, there was another 'pop' as the next button came off.
Now she was pretty much exposing full bra, which just cupped the bottom half. I just did my best not to stare, not wanting to offend the girl, who learnt her lesson and just stayed still. The guy stood opposite me, however, could not stop staring.
"Excuse me," He said after a short while. I turned with complete horror, not believing he was actually going to try and break the ice. "I can see your chest."
"Well maybe you should stop looking then." She was surprisingly calm about all this.
"I want to, but I just can't." He almost sounded breathless.
After another seven or eight awkward minutes of silence (except for panting) the train arrived at London Bridge. With a lot of effort, I positioned my shoulder and pressed the "Door Open" button. With a bit more space to move, the woman turned sideways, pulled the top of her shirt closed with her right hand, and with her left, swung a well placed fist into the man's sack.
"Fucking pervert." She said, walking towards the exit.
As I stepped past the now doubled over man, I swear I heard him say "Score."
User Reviews
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-08-10 03:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2009-05-25 20:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-05-14 14:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I WAS SAYING "SORE", NOT "SCORE".
Fucking underground breast bitches.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2009-05-14 05:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for boobies
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
again congrats! eight!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-05-11 05:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TLawrence (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2009-05-11 04:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-05-10 20:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have got off at Elephant and Castle
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2009-05-09 06:50:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Comfortably_Numb (user info) at 2009-05-08 08:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-05-08 05:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but she has huge tracts of land!
great story.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bring it up at the board meeting.. never know - the scones might be an incentive.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enough. You just lost a scone, though.
If it'll help motivate the crews, I'll buy them a scone too (to share of course, I'm not made of scones)
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA...no chance I'm afraid. Think more Jan 2010 (for the central section at least)
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you can get it done by July, I'll be grateful and buy you a scone.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-08 02:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It sure as hell will. I'm Forest Hill and work in Aldgate. A direct line to Whitechapel would be ideal if it's finished before I move
~~~~
I'm the Assurance Manager for that job. I'll try and hurry it up for you... :-)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
as i noted on the post its far to long for me to be interested to read and possibly about cakes, apologies.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:13:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-08 09:12:07 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
FINALLY a decent post on the front page
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AHEM MINE is decent you monkey anus
:)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-08 04:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FINALLY a decent post on the front page
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-08 02:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-05-08 02:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh...
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-08 02:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It sure as hell will. I'm Forest Hill and work in Aldgate. A direct line to Whitechapel would be ideal if it's finished before I move
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-08 01:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will the East London Line Extension be of any help?
Hilarious post as always..
Submitted by zeppert (user info) at 2009-05-07 22:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wouldn't necessarily classify the guy as a pervert. He did 'try' to do something about it, but if you're remotely heterosexual and have an existent libido then there's no way you can help but to look at a nice pair of knockers.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-07 22:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have done her buttons up for her.
*With your teeth*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 17:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mine was already in quotes so of course :D
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is "sliding down a helterskelter" a euphemism?
_____
Is riding the tubes?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is "sliding down a helterskelter" a euphemism?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can i "ride" the "tube" with you LM?
____
That gives such a vivid mental picture...
I'm not entirely sure I can say no to that, just incase it's not something terrifying and scarey your inferring, instead something wonderful and innocent like sliding down a helterskelter.
That would be awesome.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can i "ride" the "tube" with you LM?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you mean it wasn't you LM?
_____
ahahhaha
Not this time! Though I must admit I have been tempted to go and stalk nath on the tubes, I want to be part of the drama!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 21:25:19 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
you mean it wasn't you LM?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you mean it wasn't you LM?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-05-07 16:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss the underground.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-05-07 15:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Love the last line.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-07 15:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not really one for the large, oversized breasts
-----------------
We're over.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-05-07 14:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-05-07 14:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-05-07 13:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I understand why you take public transportation to work. It's for the stories. There cannot possibly be any other reason.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-05-07 13:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would give you plus two if you had a picture of her two.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2009-05-07 13:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your posts, this one included.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-05-07 13:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BadCompany (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would give you plus two if you had a picture of her two.
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could well have been. I didn't dare ask. I like my bollocks attached and at least one of them functioning
-=======================
I have a friend that got his testicles twisted in his beanbag once.
Riding a bike.
Handlebars.
UGGGHHHHHGHGHHGHHGHHGHGHGHGHH *puke*
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could well have been. I didn't dare ask. I like my bollocks attached and at least one of them functioning
Submitted by Ron193 (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS, was this Orphelia?
I have heard her breasticles can stop a train.
Submitted by shedding_skin (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not really the guys fault,he's a pervert and she's a bitch, world keeps on spinning.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im an ass
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit shit shit shit fucking scrollwheel
sorry man
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dude, the last line fucking made this.
SO FUNNY.
as soon as I read "score" I heard Butt-Heads voice
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm...incapacitating.
-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Connection
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-05-07 12:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah Londerners. Where would we be without them?