Not another 'Getting Old' post, well it is sort of but not the same, or it could be (494 hits)
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Submitted by drogoroch (View user info) at 2009-05-14 06:07:45 EDT
God you pop back to a site after a brief absence and all you find is people moaning about how old they are. This isn't right, we are on the intraweb people we can be as old as we like without feeling guilty about it, at least until the police come a knocking on the door.
So let's take a brief moment to cast our minds back and think of all the cool, wicked and fantastic stuff that we have been through, seen, put up with that the young whipper snappers of today will never know about.
We were able to walk to school all by ourselves; not due to the fact that the world was all that much safer but more due to the fact that the media at the time didn't feel the need to scare the living shit out of our parents every day with items such as 'Yes you're right there is a paedo waiting just outside the door to take your child'.
We were able to go camping in the woods all by ourselves; much for the same reasons as above. There was probably a little part of it being that having kids in the old days was so damned expensive that our parents actually hoped that someone would steal us.
We played war and weren't made to feel guilty about the ramifications of glorifying it, probably explains why the world is so peaceful today.
We were taught to actually write, I mean by hand rather than using a word processor all the time. I have to admit that my handwriting isn't very good but I like to think that it is because I am actually supposed to be a doctor.
We were there when computers first started to take over the world, which means that when humanity collapses in on itself we will still remember the 'Old Dark ways of Mystical Black Magic' such as being able to boil water in a pot over a fire rather than reply on an 'Appliance' to do it for us.
We will also remember great things like games being on things like 'Cardboard' rather than staring at a screen. We shall remember sitting round a table playing cards, rather than sitting in a different country trying to find a 'tell' from some internet stranger.
We also remember the sense of doom that filled us all as kids when they were talking about the 'Hole' in the ozone layer. The fear we felt every time we were given a polystyrene cup desperately not wanting to break it in any way just in case the CFC's (chlorofluorocarbons) escaped and made an ozone hole that burnt us up where we stood. So really this global warming shite just bores us rather than makes us scared.
We remember a time when all our government ministers were bent, as in crooked but actually maybe that way as well. So really the fact that they have screwed all our economies and made huge profits themselves isn't all that surprising.
We should also be really happy about the fact that we were able to enjoy a childhood rather than actually being a 'Child with their own child'. We knew about condoms when we were young because we had the delightful 'AIDS' adverts to keep us warm at nights, those fuckers really didn't pull any punches back then not like the fluffy adverts we have today. Never before have you had a generation of youngsters chanting 'Don't get AIDS, don't be silly get that condom on your willy' (even if you're catholic you weirdos we know you do it)
So here's to being happy about getting a wee bit crusty around the edges, we earnt the right to be able to trun round and shake our heads at the youths of today, tutting under our breaths with phrases such as 'When I was that age....'
The other day I was out with friends after attending a long old day at a rather marvellous Beer festival. Many a pint had been sunk and we had left when we were quite forcibly asked to. Walking through the town we saw all the youngsters in their finery. Short shorts with stockings and boots. Short skirts with stocking and boots. Belt with stockings and boots and so forth. I turned to a friend of mine and said
"Do you know I think I am actually getting fucking old."
"How so?" came the reply.
"Well you see all those young lovelies in their outfits, or out of them?"
"Yep."
"Well that kind of thing used to really turn me on and make me want to go hunt one down."
"Okay!"
"But now I am looking at them and just thinking 'Fuck me, they must be cold."
End.
Off to a funeral, not my own though thank goodness, not yet anyway.
User Reviews
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-17 04:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-05-15 16:23:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-05-15 12:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo, how's the mum???
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-15 05:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
all true
I hung around all boys on my block and i can't even tell you how insane and dangerous our after school activities were compared to the fluffy, pansy children of today.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-05-14 22:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wanna make out under some bleachers?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-05-14 14:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd pretend I was a girl, but if i really was a girl, I wouldn't have read this post, because I'd be too busy playing with breasts and staring in the mirror.
How do women ever get anything done?
Submitted by Dimenhydrinate (user info) at 2009-05-14 14:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By tomorrow all of you will have forgotten posting here.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-05-14 13:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Post was good, article was disgustingly hilarious.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-05-14 13:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yesterday while listening to a classic hard rock station on XM, I heard Aerosmith will not be using opening acts for much of their upcoming tour. Instead, locals from the tour stops are supposed to send in videos of themselves playing the Aerosmith Edition of the Guitar Hero video game and the best two or three will be allowed to demo their prowess on stage before the band plays.
Age and treachery triumphing over youth and enthusiasm right there.
Submitted by melkorthedelerious (user info) at 2009-05-14 12:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now even I feel old.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-05-14 11:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-05-14 10:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i had pretty free reign of about a five mile radius from my house. it feels odd to let my boy have anywhere near that kind of freedom.
skrap, that's a scene I remember all too well. you also have to add the obligatory camera man below the ramp taking pictures or the multi person jump.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-05-14 10:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get a few pieces of scrap wood and a cinder block.
Build a ramp in the middle of the road.
Ride your bicycle at it as fast as you possibly can (what's a helmet anyway?).
Fly up about a mile and it has to be like three miles down the road.
Land.
Crash in a violent and dramatic manner, to a chorus of "Oh, MAN that was coooool!".
Regain conciousness.
Repeat.
It would not surprise me at all to read of a parent being reported to Child Protective Services for allowing their kids to play in exactly the same way the parent did 30 years before.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2009-05-14 10:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forensic is right.
My parents were so innocent to the litigious side of America, that when we moved to the US I was on a bicycle riding on the sidewalk when a NYPD truck was backing out of a driveway quite fast and obscured by high shrubbery hit me on my bike. My bike was ruined, I bruised several ribs, and the cops went round my parents house in a cop car to collect my Mum as I was being seen to by an ambulance.
MY PARENTS DID NOT SUE THE CITY.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-05-14 09:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Word up!
I remember a time when we kids could play outside and run all over the neighborhood. Parents watched out for each other's children.
We could ride our bicycles without helmets and pads. We'd tip over and bang ourselves up, but it was expected. Our folks didn't run out and sue the city, the bicycle manufactuer, and whoever else they could think of.
We weren't told we were special. The self-esteem movement hadn't set in yet when I was a kid. You were expected to prove yourself.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-05-14 09:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I even remember having sex before AIDS was there.
Most parties I'm going to nowadays are people getting 50 years or 25th wedding anniversaries.
I agree with your list.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-14 08:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meant to be a two.......
You can punch me.
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-05-14 08:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Most old people now were hippies in the sixties, thats why old people now aren't like the old people in the olden days.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-05-14 08:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-05-14 07:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's actually illegal to lie about your age on the internet; but not your gender.
---------------
In that case, i'm a 19 year old GIRL. And i LOVEEEEE SEX.... -.^
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-14 06:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you suck ass
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-05-14 06:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha! I enlightened people!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-05-14 06:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's actually illegal to lie about your age on the internet; but not your gender.
I've felt myself recoiling away from technology recently. I bought a record player and a stack of LPs, and I've not listened to a CD since. My microwave broke and I refuse to buy a new one, I just don't need it. Anybody who visits my flat is invited to a cup of tea, a doobie and a hardfought game of chess. With the TV off. Listening to James Taylor.
And when the fuck is the new series of Antiques Roadshow going to start? My Sunday evenings just don't feel the same without it.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-05-14 06:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All errors are brought to you by the power of not really giving a flying fuck and the lack of interest in proof reading. also by the letter 'A'