New Zealand - The Land Of.... Uh.... Land.... (372 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: -0.4 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by moopy4u (View user info) at 2009-05-14 07:11:30 EDT
In a recent post, i made mention of "being old" and all the change it brings upon ones life.
On note, people were confused about some of my theories. Example, not ALL of us when we were young went to a short-changing Indian's dairy after school every day. Some of us got to go home and have a twizzler.... I don't even know what the fuck a twizzler is, but it sounds edible to an extent!
Some of us got to get home to a domestic fight between ones parents, leading to brutal beatings and soon arrivals of police officers, which in years of watching American made comedies - leads to mommy taking you out for an ice cream.
Okay, so today, i'm here to bore the shit out of you with a bit of geography on my home, my hole: New Zealand.
(NOTE: IF YOU DON'T LIKE LEARNING, OR READING, THEN YOU'RE BLACK... NAH JUST JOKING LOL - WHAT I'M TRYNG TO SAY IS, DON'T CONTINUE ON IF YOU DON'T LIKE READING OR LEARNING. JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURE, AND LAUGH AT SAGE HAVING SEX MULTIPLE TIMES WITH MY MOM. [THAT WILL MAKE MORE SENSE IF YOU READ ON HOWEVER, GOOD TIMES.])
Many people have this image, that New Zealand is just a piece of land on the world's ass.
WELL YOU'RE WRONG!!! It's actually 2 pieces of land... 3, if you count that little fucking island at the bottom. (That's Stewart Island... We don't care about those cunts.)
See, you're learning something already!
New Zealand is famous for such landmarks as:
Rotorua - The town that quite litterally smells like farts 24/7
Taupo - You catch a fish called Salmon there... Not sure if you can get it anywhere else in the world, but you can in NZ, and they have a fuck load of little bones. If you are going to eat a Salmon, eat it with your peers, and make sure at least one of them knows the heimlich maneuver!
Auckland - The city with too many asians. (No offence if you are asian, but seriously, go to Auckland and see for yourself!)
Ummm.... Well that's all i can think of?.... But you all know Tiger Woods, the Pro Golfer? He's from NZ.... Fucking traitor that he is... Off shooting Nike shots with American Corprates. *Coughs* Yeh...
Lord of the Rings... Of course, only a New Zealander could have came up with making a saga about 2 hobbits on a quest to destroy a ring, and find their inner self, and to realise that Sam and Frodo were actually gay... But nothing ever came of it... It's just... Misleading.
What does New Zealand do for you? Every year we export over 240,000 (20Ft) containers of milk powder to other countries. We have the most green grass in the southern hemisphere, hence our cows produce excellent milk. This milk is then dried and dehydrated into a powder form. We ship this out to pretty much everywhere, and it ends up in your local store's fridge, labeled: MILK.
If you already got cows, then i hate to tell you, but they probably have foot and mouth disease.. Hence your country cannot milk them or else you will get rabies. So DO NOT be stupid like Tom Green, and don't drink milk from a cow's tit!
We import over 74,000 containers each year. Mainly from Asia, because we are too poor to afford quality American or German manufactured products.
73,000 Of those containers are fruits, computer supplies, cheap shitty asian crap... Oh nice, just summed up everything with that one liner.
The other 1,000 is a container full of asian people. It's kinda like a trick container. As soon as you open it, hundreds of Asian families run out and infest the country. Killing off all our rice crops, and occupying all of our martial arts studios.
Due to over-population of Asian, they have become a pest, and we now take cautios measures when opening containers. We call it the MAF procedures. (It was originally Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry, But has now been changed to Mass Asian Flooding) 3 People must be present when a container is opened, 12 gauge shot guns must be locked and loaded by all 3 personell. You get the idea.
Now, over being racist. Deepest apologies to any Asian people out there, Yeh word. Keep it real my Asian brothers!
New Zealand is known for its majestic views...
I spend over an hour each day for almost a week, waiting at the high school gates, and it's bull shit. Not a looker in sight!
I've heard Australia has some nice beaches & babes in bikinis... I'm moving there in 2 years time.
Lets see, oh yeah. Our prime minister is a dumb ass, the recession has hit us like a bat to the face, our rubbish system is just... Rubbish! And our council workers are paid to LOOK busy, not that they actually do any work. Seriously, come to NZ for a drive on our roads. You'll be fleeing back to Iraq for the unsteady sandy roads and gunfire! (See, Politics -> Iraq WAS applicable!)
Basically, i held out on you guys... New Zealand isn't just at the world's bottom... It's the world's asshole! If you fly here, your plane trip will likely be 2 hours shorter than expected. That's because when your in wind distance, NZ will suck you in like Sage's mom sucks in any man who wants it. (Lol, sorry Sage, haven't even really had the chance to introduce myself to you either, and already i'm making jokes about your mom. You get a free pass to make a hit about my mom. Just be careful, she's dangerous. She's toxic!)
So anyway, looking forward to life in Iraq.
Ah shit, i mean Australia! Should be gooood times. And i'll get paid more... Least i hope so.
How is the Pimp business in AUS? Does it pay well? Don't know why i ask.. I could never be a Pimp...
Not unless a Pimp's job is to GET the bash by cunts who don't pay.
Anyway, that's me for another gumbilly fit.
Just killing time, yet again.
Enjoy your day/ night/ sex, Uber-goers!
And yet another picture from me, to you!
Peace out.
Quote: "What, You think we make out nacho mince outa cows!?"
User Reviews
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-15 21:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-15 05:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
disturbing picture
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-15 02:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-14 23:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The only thing I agreed with was Rotorua. That place sucks. As does this post.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-14 14:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-05-14 13:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-05-14 11:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Lord of the Rings... Of course, only a New Zealander could have came up with making a saga about 2 hobbits on a quest to destroy a ring, and find their inner self, and to realise that Sam and Frodo were actually gay... But nothing ever came of it... It's just... Misleading."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah but the Hobbit HOUSES were so inspiring that I hope to spend my summer constructing one on the hill side in the forest above the creek!
Submitted by RANTMAN (user info) at 2009-05-14 08:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucken Kiwi's. Fucken stay there. Don't come over here. Or at least if you do, let us know so we can be waiting at the airport with steel pipes to give you the beating you so richly deserve.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-14 07:26:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who are you moopy? come on
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-05-14 07:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry to hear that.
Hey, tell you what - check this out.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_women_have_orgasims
It's fucked up, and made me laugh.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-05-14 07:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Deeply boring.