The Guilty Pleasure of Bad Movies Part 15: Metal Man (531 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 0.31 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by frankthebear (View user info) at 2009-05-18 23:56:22 EDT
Holy mother of fuck! After seeing this movie, I can easily understand why it never had a theatrical release. This light hearted (if poorly conceived) spoof of Iron Man is truly, truly bad. Kyle Finn is a college student and the assistant to Dr. Blake, who is working on some top secret technology. The top secret technology? A helmet that bonds with it's wearer and grants superhuman powers. Seems simple enough, right? Well it's pretty simple. Dr. Blake has built a suit to work in tandem with the helmet, and all things considered, the whole getup looks pretty decent. Decent enough to tell that the entire budget was spent on the suit.
So while Kyle is locked in a freezer to test the suit's ability to protect the wearer from extreme temperatures, some goons break into the lab with their boss Sebastian. Sebastian believes himself the rightful owner of the helmet and, after Dr. Blake turns down his offer to return with him, attacks the good doctor and leaves him for dead while taking the spare helmet. Sebastian thinks this is the only helmet and- HOLY CRAP SEBASTIAN IS BILLY BOB THORNTON! Oh no, wait, he's not, he just looks a lot like him. Poor guy...
So Dr. Blake drags himself up and pulls Kyle out of the freezer before he finally dies. Kyle wakes up to find himself trapped in the suit permanently and Dr. Blake's personality has been uploaded into the helmet to dispense advice and guidance throughout the rest of the movie. What follows is a series of scenes showing that Sebastian is a technological retard. He has no idea how the helmet works, so he has a pet scientist, Julie, who he depends on to analyze the helmet and figure out how it works, meanwhile, Dr. Blake's personality has led Kyle to his new hideout: an abandoned house that is little more than a shack.
So now the plot shifts into main gear as Kyle is out for revenge against Sebastian for framing him for the murder of not only Dr. Blake, but also his parents (yes, this is ANOTHER hero driven by revenge for his dead parents). Kyle has several run-ins with Sebastian's goons, and after many ridiculously one-sided fights, finally comes to Sebastian's house, where he finds Julie, almost helps her escape, and also discovers that Sebastian has also abducted some girl he's interested in and who has only been in one other scene before this.
After this, everything starts getting just plain stupid as Kyle and (insert girl's name here) escape, go into hiding, and finally come back for the final battle which pits Kyle against Sebastian's prototype (when he actually figured out the technology and built it, we never find out). The final fight makes no sense and is mercifully short.
The end.
This movie is painful to watch as the sound quality is shit, the acting is sun-par, and the fight scenes are barely choreographed. Seriously, you'll find better fights in Krod Mandoon for crying out loud! Still it's worth at least one watch because, as I said before, the costume isn't too bad, and you can see how a few tweaks could have made it into something half decent. The alternative is Ewoks: Caravan of Courage, because. Just because. Now where's the gummy worms?
User Reviews
Submitted by Dimenhydrinate (user info) at 2009-05-21 13:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality post.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-05-21 10:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
die
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-05-21 08:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a gay cat, and I shot an opossum last night because it was trying to hump him. Also, I didn't read this.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-05-20 12:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh Franky, -2, like I could give you anything less, you failure.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-05-20 00:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-05-19 12:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What is there to do in Blairsville, PA on Wednesday night?
Tell us, Frank.
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I dunno, witch hunting I suppose
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-05-20 00:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The guilty pleasure of unusual images and illustrations....
I copied the image, hope you don't mind.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2009-05-19 19:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-19 13:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-05-19 12:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-05-19 12:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What is there to do in Blairsville, PA on Wednesday night?
Tell us, Frank.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-05-19 08:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was given this account and password and instructed to only use it to -2 your posts until sico returns.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-19 04:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for the love of god.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-05-19 04:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
our children will be smart and beautiful...
and imaginary
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-19 04:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2009-05-19 03:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-19 03:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Franky, +2, like I could give you anything less, you geek.
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if you didn't have a family, I would totally hit you up
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-19 03:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Franky, +2, like I could give you anything less, you geek.