Need some witticisms... (535 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.14 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Squirrelly Girl (View user info) at 2009-05-24 01:07:25 EDT
Next Saturday night my husband and I have been invited to go to a small charity bowling event. (I see you turning green with envy). Basically you buy a very overpriced ticket which provides you with 3 hours of bowl time with, oh, 100 other people and as much free sody-pop as you can drink.
Now herein lies my problem:
Considering the majority of the bowling balls I could possible hoist weigh almost as much as I do at this point in time (anorexics eat your heart out... no pun in intended) I figure the only way I can possibly get even close to winning is by talking the bestest smack ever.
Sadly I am having difficulty coming up with "Shit talk" that revolves around bowling. Anybody have any suggestions ye clever Ubertarians?
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-26 11:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just make them feel guilty for beating the cancer girl. bring it up over and over again.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-05-25 10:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here are some:
1. (insert husband/boyfriend/father/whatever name here)'s balls are bigger than these. Can we get some manly bowling balls over here?
2. (really loudly while holding a free drink) Alright! Who pissed in the ice chest? (now look pointedly down into the cooler holding the drinks and mutter to yourself) I never saw yellow ice cubes before...
3. (stick fingers into a random ball, scrunch up your face, drop the ball and start shaking your hand back and forth) Ewww! There's something slimy and white and icky in these balls! (You get more cool points if you squeegee the filling from a Twinkie into the ballholes first without anyone seeing you do so)
4. Don't talk up your own game. Find the best bowler there and start commenting upon how much he/she/it sucks. Ask them if they sold their soul to Satan for their wonderful bowling ability. Mutter about how you woulda asked for something better.
5. Talk to your ball. Tell it that if it doesn't knock all the pins down, that you won't let it near the leathery vagina of your sister ever again.
6. Stand there at the line, holding your bowling ball aloft, and scream, "Son of Jorel, kneel before Zod!" and throw the bowling ball as far as you can down the lane.
7. Pick up the ugliest bowling ball you can find and then walk around telling everyone about how much that bowling ball looks like the last kidney stone you passed. Invite people to come to your house and view said kidney stone which you kept as a trophy.
8. Pick up a blue bowling ball and giggle "Look! Smurf balls!"
9. Pick up random bowling ball, cradle it lovingly against your chest, stroking the smooth surface while murmuring, "Yes, my preciousssss."
10. Show up with a softball/soccer ball/kickball/ etc and ask if you can use these balls instead because "these balls don't suck". Alternatively, if you have large hooters, heft one in one hand and ask if you can bowl with that.
That help any?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-24 14:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should give up bowling for sex. The balls are lighter and you don't have to change your shoes.
Your bowling is like Doodles' life: mostly in the gutter.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-05-24 11:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just be really loud and obnoxious, yelling things like "WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NICE SHOT, FUCKFACE!!!" before anybody even makes a shot.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-05-24 05:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
YOUR MOM.
Submitted by Toddler (user info) at 2009-05-24 02:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doodles, I have my doubts you ever left full troll mode.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-24 01:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've decided to revert to full troll mode for the summer.
I hope your overies fall out etc. etc.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-24 01:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2009-05-20 23:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2009-05-20 22:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by osmosianist (user info) at 2009-05-20 22:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You look like a six year old girl who got into her mother's makeup box for the first time.
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You must either be really new or really retarded if you don't recognize perhaps THE most recognizable person on Ubersite.
-2 is for this from your last post.
That whore is 100% forgettable.
You are almost too.
Except for the cancer.