Stop Living Through Your Status Messages, Assholes (585 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.47 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by "Uber Village Idiot" Thored (View user info) at 2009-05-27 20:57:22 EDT
I'm tired of it.
Like most of you, I'm an active member of the internet. If you can read this, face it, you've got nerdlike tendencies. We aren't necessarily sporting pocket protectors or suffering from a terrible case of acne, but nerdy none the less. I know this audience has laughed at the creepy hilarity of Old Greg, experienced the joys of (legal) teen girls on Stickam, and got a chubby when Weezer released a music video featuring viral internet personalities.
I come to you, my moderately nerdy friends, with this complaint.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself using your Facebook, MSN, or Yahoo messenger status messages. We all have problems, none of you 100 friends give a shit that you are "REALLY PISSED OFF *INSERT ANGRY FACE*". Fucking suck it up already. When life is hard, I demand small talk before I give a shit. If you got dumped, you sure as fuck better ask me about my weekend, my girlfriend, and talk about the weather. The status message is not a short cut to a shoulder to cry on. It just doesn't work like that.
To cite some current examples:
"Not as bad as last timeee" - Go figure that this asshole isn't a girl. The three "e" finish usually indicates cuteness. In this case, it indicates homosexuality. I'm not sure what it wasn't as bad as, but I'll never know. Thank fucking god.
"Fuck school." - I think the custodians around campus all thought this at one point. I'll keep littering, they'll keep making minimum wage.
"Zero shame." - Whore.
"I miss you so much, I will always (l) you." - This is a classic case of what I'm bitching about. Now, not only does the entire world know you went through a breakup... we also know that after getting dumped, you have enough pride to beg for a second chance publicly. Sucks.
That about wraps this one up. Snoochie boochies.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-31 14:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-29 01:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, BELOW.
P.S. you really need to get over your obsession with me.
You seriously can't drop a single review without mentioning me.
It's pretty sad that I mean THAT much to you.
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You know what it means, you moron. You are one of the lowlife cunts who rate the poster, not the post. No one loves you but your mother, but she could be jivin' too.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-05-31 14:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-05-30 06:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Over a year and this is the best you can do? For shame.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-29 01:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, BELOW.
P.S. you really need to get over your obsession with me.
You seriously can't drop a single review without mentioning me.
It's pretty sad that I mean THAT much to you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-29 00:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-05-27 21:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
20,000 hits in 5+ years on Uber?
Man, you are the epitome of "D" Lister. You set the bar.
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Nah, he walked into the bar, early on in his career.
The only way to amuse Doodles is to bang on his mom's basement window and knock his teeth down his throat when he comes to said window.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-05-28 13:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rate this item rate this item.....
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Who the fuck are you and what relevance does this bear here? Answer for both: nothing.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-28 10:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i really think we as a society should bring back some of the classics of name calling.
this +2 is for the use of asshole.
beyond that, your post sucked and you should be utterly ashamed of it. i'll even go so far as to say that you should seriously consider murdering yourself to hide your shame, asshole.
ASSHOLE
ASSHOLE
ASSHOLEASSHOLE ASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLE ASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLE ASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLE ASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLE ASSHOLEASSHOLEASSHOLE
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2009-05-28 10:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Donovan: didn't read beyond the title
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-28 07:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-05-27 21:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
20,000 hits in 5+ years on Uber?
Man, you are the epitome of "D" Lister. You set the bar.
======================
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-05-28 07:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
toe, im adding you to fb :)
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-28 07:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I DID get a special enjoyment out of Weezer's 'Pork and Beans' video. I love Youtube.
I also got briefly sucked into the Facebook popularity contest, did the quizzes, joined the mobs, amassed 243 friends, and out of that, there was only six people that I really knew, and who were my actual friends. Fuck that.
Now I just use Facebook to chat my with little sister in london and the occasional weird small talk with my ex boyfriend who thinks it's ok to talk to me about mundane stuff.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2009-05-28 01:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://tunteella.xerc.biz/dump/00023688.jpg
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-28 00:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU DO NOT AMUSE ME
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2009-05-27 23:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Stop Making Your Status Update About Other Peoples Status Updates An Ubersite Post, Assholes
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-05-27 22:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Could've used work, but I would agree that people need to learn that not everyone cares what Missy Elliot song they've got playing.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-05-27 22:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The status message is not a short cut to a shoulder to cry on. It just doesn't work like that.
---
Actually it does work like that.
But don't fret - chances are your shoulder is not the intended target.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-05-27 21:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
20,000 hits in 5+ years on Uber?
Man, you are the epitome of "D" Lister. You set the bar.
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-05-27 21:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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