Thank You, Dear (545 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.34 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (View user info) at 2009-05-28 04:37:38 EDT
I started to hate you.
I sat here, staring at the same screen I once used to write endless praises for your mere existence, and I thought of ways to tear all those notions back down. Where once I built you up, the person I am today wanted to revert you.
Because simply, my dear, you don't deserve encouragement.
I've had my run with you. And for every romantic sentiment I managed, for every idealistic bit of loveliness that gave my days hope, you showed me how dreadfully wrong I was.
You can call it the naivety of youth, the glossing over of love, or just plain idiocy, it matters not. When push came to shove, I couldn't wait to get away from you. I anticipated the shoves with baited breath, did everything in my power to make them come faster, harder, and with more irreparable anger with every encounter.
What you've done to me should be unforgivable. For any other man, it would be, but you've always known I am no other man. That my standards, my motivations, they're different, in a strange way you can't quite understand, but love nonetheless.
I spent seven years of my life devoted to you. Seven years, a full third of my life, patiently waiting for that chance to show you that these words had true motivation behind them. That I wasn't just some silly fool who could turn a phrase.
My dear, you were my inspiration. Whether in pain or joy, sadness or anger, I wrote for you. I wrote because of you. The words I could not say to your face, I said to my notebook. The emotions I had, too deep and powerful for mere high school infatuation, found a medium in the paleness of paper, a shade of white just lighter than your cream-colored visage.
I wrote because I hurt. I wrote because there was a dream I had, an absurd fantasy akin to dragons and unicorns, where one day you would return my love, and we would be happy. And just as I had no idea how to find a unicorn, I had no idea how you would ever love me.
Fate took a funny turn one day, and simply decided it was time. It simply happened, before I could catch my breath, or even begin to understand my good fortune.
And so the need to write vanished. With my worries went my words, my sorrows my sonnets, my pain my poems.
I was happy.
~~~
Those days have passed.
I sit now, worse off than I was before. The prize I spent so many years glorifying, the thing I wanted above all others...was nothing more than a trinket, something to be lost in a jacket pocket and found so many years later, when all its meaning has faded away.
In the end, it wasn't a matter of what I could contribute. I gave everything I could, did everything a man should do and more. And for that, I take my due solace.
But I still leave the equation in the red, knowing full well you took far more than you gave. That for all my effort, it meant nothing to a girl who just didn't want to go to bed alone.
And now, I'm honestly not sure who I hate more: You, for all your deceptions, for the traumas you've bestowed upon me...or myself, for establishing an ideal that you really could never live up to.
In either instance, I still find myself miserable. I find myself full of emotions I have no idea how to process, pain with no outlet in which to pour. I am a man who has loved and lost, and it's just too soon for the aftermath not to outweigh the pleasant.
And so I turn to the love that cannot betray me, the silent understanding of the written word. Perhaps now I'll grow to enjoy it so much more, as an older man with so much more understanding, so much more experience gathered in just a few short years.
I may not have gained your undying love, but I did gain a perspective, one that I'll treasure far more than the times we had together. I plan on using that perspective to be a better writer, a better man, a man who can take what the world has to offer him and make something beautiful.
So thank you, dear. If it wasn't for your misdeeds, I would still be naïve, too lost in my fantasy world to ever really make something of myself. Thank you for making me miserable.
Thank you for showing me the way things really are.
User Reviews
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sup?
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-05-30 23:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If someone you love disrespects you and walks away you are lucky.
If they stay they will cause you many more years of grief.
Don Miguel Ruis
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-05-30 22:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by YourNameHere (user info) at 2009-05-29 18:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2009-05-29 07:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are welcome.
Submitted by SOLO2 (user info) at 2009-05-29 00:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Front page STREAK!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i honestly tried to like this, but i just couldn't.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-05-28 11:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i honestly tried to like this, but i just couldn't.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-28 10:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-05-28 09:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, there's a lot to be said for girls who just don't want to go to bed alone. Now that you've traded in your youthful naivety for healthy cynicism, you'll discover this for yourself. Just wait until you hook up with some young, naive little clingon and the roles are reversed. You'll see what I mean.
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Still amazes me how guys pigeon hole girls. It really shouldn't. But it does.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-05-28 09:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, there's a lot to be said for girls who just don't want to go to bed alone. Now that you've traded in your youthful naivety for healthy cynicism, you'll discover this for yourself. Just wait until you hook up with some young, naive little clingon and the roles are reversed. You'll see what I mean.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-05-28 08:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seven years, a full third of my life.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85535
Maybe I'm just getting too old.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-28 08:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pssssssssh Its all good in the hood, you know.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-28 08:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, Hartman. Glad you asked. And how might you be.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-05-28 07:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-28 07:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well written emo post.
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hows it going toe?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-05-28 07:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well written emo post.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-05-28 06:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-05-28 06:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah?! Well you tell that to Eric of 29 Acacia Road, Bertrude.
Good post this. Ting.
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Touché
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2009-05-28 06:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah?! Well you tell that to Eric of 29 Acacia Road, Bertrude.
Good post this. Ting.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2009-05-28 05:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't eat an orange and then throw the peel away - a man is not a piece of fruit.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2009-05-28 05:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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