Rhymes with "Blows" (650 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.05 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by bustedcompass (View user info) at 2009-05-30 22:37:24 EDT
I needed to replace the storm door on the front of my house. Lucky me.
Big-Box Home Improvement Store Visit #1:
I browse the doors to find one I like. No sales people try to chat me up, which is fine by me. When I go to the sales desk, there is a young man in a store outfit who looks to be about twenty. His girlfriend (not in a store outfit) is there as well. She is leaning against the counter. He is leaning against her. His hands are on her ass and his crotch is against her crotch. They are essentially having fully-clothed sex on the counter.
They are both rather, um, large and, er, unattractive. I am being kind. I throw up in my mouth a little at the sight of them.
I ask what I need to do to order a storm door. Mr. Groper tells me to measure my current door, then come back and pick out a door. They will have it milled and arrange for installation. No problem. As he tells me this, his hands never leave his girlfriend's ass and their crotches are in continuous motion. I pray they do not disengage while I am standing there for fear of seeing the damp spots in their jeans.
I indicate that I already found a door (call it Door A) and he tells me that model is being discontinued. So I select a different door (Door B). He doesn't take any kind of an order, just tells me that I will need to give that information to the sales person I talk to when I come back with the measurements.
Big-Box Home Improvement Store Visit #2:
Measurements in hand I return. This time there is a middle-aged dude at the counter. Thank God he's not having sex with anyone (at least that I could see, maybe there was a girl on her knees behind the counter, who knows). This guy says that he can't accept my measurements, that they need to have their certified measuring dudes come out --- at a charge of $40. Okay. I give him my credit card and he says I will be called when they have the numbers. I tell him I want Door B. He says they will take that information when they call me with my measurements. I ask "so I can do the rest of this transaction over the phone?". He says "yes". Great, at least there is progress.
Big-Box Home Improvement Store Phone Call #1:
A few days later a rep from the store calls. They tell me that they have the measurements in the store but that I have to go back to the store to place my order. I complain that wasn't what I was told. The person on the other end obviously doesn't give a shit.
Big-Box Home Improvement Store Visit #3:
There is a completely different guy behind the counter (not the groper or the middle-ager). This guy has a case of BO that's peeling the paint. He tells me they haven't received the paperwork from the measurer yet and to come back tomorrow. I fume (okay, bad choice of words, but you get the idea). The guy doesn't care and goes on to the next customer, ignoring me.
Big-Box Home Improvement Store Visit #4:
The middle-aged guy is back. He has the measurements. Fabulous. The guy actually has the human decency to recognize what a complete cluster fuck my experience has been and he culls 10% from my sales price. What he doesn't have, however, is Door B, that's being discontinued. As is Door A. I have to pick an all together different door. But, at last, we have door selection and measurements. He tells me they will call me when the door is ready, probably 3 - 5 days, to arrange for installation.
Big-Box Home Improvement Store Phone Call #2:
The door is ready in four days and they call to set up an installation date. Holy shit. Something actually worked like it was supposed to. How the did that happen? Clearly someone wasn't doing their job. We set up an appointment three days later. Fan-tastic.
Contract Installer Visit:
The installer is on time. He works quickly, and before I know it the door is installed. The installer brings me a form to sign indicating I am happy with his work. Before I sign, I walk out to inspect the installation. There are two bent nails. There is a random nail half-pounded into the door frame for no apparent reason. Where he had to cut the woodwork around the outside of the door, he overcut and the gashes extend a good two inches beyond the door.
I point to the bent nails. HE TAKES HIS HAMMER AND POUNDS THEM IN, BENT OVER, FLUSH WITH THE WOOD!!!!
And then, as the coupe de grace, he asks me if I am satisfied. I share my feelings about him, his company, his ancestors. He smiles, thanks me, hands me an evaluation form, turns and leaves.
Magnificent. Thankfully it only took about forty minutes, a mini-crowbar, some galvanized nails and putty, followed by a paint job, to fix the cosmetic problems. I guess I should consider myself lucky.
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-06-02 14:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
monkeys:
you missed the point.
i did install it all myself, i merely expected the order (wood, sand, top soil etc) to be ready to be loaded into the truck. Which the service 'store pickup' implies.
I didn't go there to get them to DO my landscaping. <Shudder>
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-02 09:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 Redskins fans!!
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-02 07:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-06-01 21:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, I've been a lurker on this site for a long time (over a year) and never knew there was so much home improvement knowledge around here. I'm impressed.
And, dear orphelia, it's not about "right" or "wrong". It's just about personal taste. That's all.
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Okay, if you've been lurking that long, then you know by now to STFU and contribute something worthwhile instead of filing a grievance against DIY home improvement stores.
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-06-01 21:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, I've been a lurker on this site for a long time (over a year) and never knew there was so much home improvement knowledge around here. I'm impressed.
And, dear orphelia, it's not about "right" or "wrong". It's just about personal taste. That's all.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2009-06-01 11:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My experience at Blows is about the same. They always seemed inconvienenced to help you, or answered your questions with an "You're an idiot" attitude as if you had asked "What is my name?"
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-01 10:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, you really shouldn't go to those places expecting someone to do your work for you. Those are so called "DIY" stores, where you're expected to know what you need, and how to install it.
Generally, when someone doesn't know what they're doing, they call a professional contractor, or at the least, hire someone (usually listed under "handy-man services" in the yellow pages) to do the job for you, as they'll know what to do, and probably have a contractor's discount of some form at the same store.
They only began doing that "We Install!" crap because so many people kept raising hell saying that the products were defective because they were far too brain-dead to properly utilize hand or power tools and lacked knowledge of basic construction techniques, common sense, and to a small degree physics.
Basically, you pay cheaper prices for labor, which is immediately cancelled by the higher prices on materials and lack of decent work and as you've discovered, the general run-around, but you get what you paid for if you won't do it yourself.
Also, if you're a guy, you should have done it yourself.
If you're a girl, you should have found a guy, (or butch girl if that's your thing!) and sexually gratify them until they'd do it for you. A blowjob will go a long way towards construction quality and speediness.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-06-01 10:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i will never shop in Lowes again.
not because of your door, I barely give a shit about that, because of their ridiculous 'store pick up' policy.
You go online, pick what you want, pay then wait an hour to pick up your stuff. What they don't tell you is that they collect all your stuff when you get there, so you don't actually save any time. Plus you have to pay in advance.
I could understand them not collecting your stuff together if you hadn't paid but the whole point of store pick up is for the convenience of PICKING THE SHIT UP WHEN YOU GET THERE.
They even said 'we're short staffed, do you want to get a cart and go get all your stuff'.
Mental.
Circuit City store pickup used to be ace.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-06-01 09:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
seriously wtf is a storm door anyway and why oh why live anywhere where the climate requires one?
it's like the silly fuckers here who live on the flood plains. clue is in the description homo
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-01 09:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-06-01 04:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There is a whole market for fat porn, so it can't be that wrong.
Personally I like to see anyone fondling at anytime. I welcome flashers too.
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hahaha, really there is a market for fat porn?
maybe I could be the next John "stomach stapler" Holmes
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2009-06-01 09:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you get a +2 for allowing me to ramble on, now pay attention.
Most(90%) front entry doors on a normal house are 36" x 80".
Most side or rear doors are 32" x 80"
if you house is not 50years old or older you should be fine.
width is always first when measuring, then height.
purchase you stormdoor based on those sizes as they are labled for the door they fit, if you get ambitious and actualy measure the storm door it will be off from those measurements.
most(all) storm doors now are reversible swing, allowing you to pick your handing at the time of installation.
a hacksaw, drill and screwdrivers are all you need.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-06-01 09:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is why you should do it yourself. Go to a mom and pop hardware store or order the door online via your old measurements.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-06-01 08:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-31 00:32:05 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Should have just hired mexicans.
They were just outside the store you know.
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Idiot, see above. Anyhow nice story.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-06-01 04:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There is a whole market for fat porn, so it can't be that wrong.
Personally I like to see anyone fondling at anytime. I welcome flashers too.
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-05-31 18:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-31 04:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And as most of Ubersite will tell you FAT PEOPLE NEED SEXING TOO.
In fact, each of the people you describe could well be a typical Uber user.
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I do not begrudge fat people their sex. I wish them as much fat, happy, sex as they can handle. Just not in front of me as I try to order a storm door. In fact, just not in front of me, period.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-05-31 14:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-31 04:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Another boring story how the little man (in this case you) gets completely fucked over because they can't speak out for themselves.
Bravo.
And as most of Ubersite will tell you FAT PEOPLE NEED SEXING TOO.
In fact, each of the people you describe could well be a typical Uber user.
Oh and the format was unpleasant.
===============
Feely, you're Doodles mother, aren't you? I wondered where he got his stupid from, and now I know. Just stick those supposed big tits up your ass far enough that you disappear. Dumb twat.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-05-31 13:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gained pleasure from your woes.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-05-31 08:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Whenever possible, DIY. You know this now. That way it's done the way you want it and if it's fucked up it's at least no more fucked up that you will accept. Doors are actually pretty easy. Stucco is a bitch and it burns the flesh off you. Today I have to build an insulated and air-conditioned dog house for the fucking dog that barfed all over my office carpet last night. I am rambling. Apologies. Fucking dogs, anyway. I was entertained by your story.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-05-31 06:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you're prepared to let someone fuck up your house and then fix it yourself without causing hell at their store, you don't deserve to live.
I moved house the other week and one of the delivery guys massively fucked up a wall by scraping a table against it. I handed him some plaster mix and a tub of paint.
He fixed it and then came to the pub where I simultaneously beat him at pool, fucked his girlfriend and mother in a threesome, came in his beer and made him drink it.
The last part wasn't true, but you get the idea.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-05-31 04:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Another boring story how the little man (in this case you) gets completely fucked over because they can't speak out for themselves.
Bravo.
And as most of Ubersite will tell you FAT PEOPLE NEED SEXING TOO.
In fact, each of the people you describe could well be a typical Uber user.
Oh and the format was unpleasant.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-05-31 02:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stop hammertime
Submitted by SaintGutFree (user info) at 2009-05-31 01:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, there's always people having sex in the Lowe's I go to as well. There's a lot of grease, folds of flesh, semen and doorknobs.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-05-31 01:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Should have just hired mexicans.
They were just outside the store you know.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2009-05-31 01:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rhymes with "BLowes." I almost bought a door from them a few years ago. Glad I didn't, now.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-05-30 23:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you have a "Big box" hardware store near you.
It is a 60 mile round trip for me...
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-05-30 23:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking assholes.