Help me out here (588 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.16 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by StereoTypist (View user info) at 2009-06-01 19:58:34 EDT
A friend is writing a parenting column for a local magazine and needs a clever title. It's written by a new mom for other new parents.
I'd help but I am not nearly as witty as all of you, plus I am high on Oxycodone.
Plus I look like shit an need your sympathy.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-06-04 16:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Congrats on your recent work. Can you recommend someone who can do something about my chin/jaw?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2009-06-03 16:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are being obnoxious. You know you are. Stop.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-02 23:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-02 04:53:57 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's your title:
"Your kid is a fucking faggot and so are you"
===
It's funny because it's true.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-02 23:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
looks like plastic surgery to me. the chin and the nose? unless she got hit in the face by a truck or she fell out of an airplane and landed on her face, it's hard to get those two specific spots.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-02 19:50:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deviated Septum?
"Welcome to Hell: A guide to being a new parent."
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-02 18:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you can still show us your tits. just put a paper bag over your face.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2009-06-02 13:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Call it "Breeders Weekly"
Submitted by TuTs (user info) at 2009-06-02 11:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
New Parent? Your life is now over.
Sleep, sex, sanity and a hundred other things you will no longer be able to enjoy!
How to tell poop from chocolate.
Exploring guilt and 5 ways to feel more of it.
Denying Darwin and why your shitty genes spit in the face of survival of the fittest.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-02 09:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have pretty eyes, and I like your bling.
Hope you feel better. :)
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-02 09:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"You're not damaged goods, but you'd still be 1/2 off at the supermarket"
======================
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
BTW you look like that kid from "the mask"
is Cher your mother?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-02 07:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus Christ if you really got plastic surgery that's the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard.
Here's your title:
"Your kid is a fucking faggot and so are you"
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-02 07:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh, who's gonna see your face? i imagine everyone fucks you from behind anyway
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-02 07:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Whilst your face was never attractive to begin with, I'm stumped as to why you would continue to show us your "improved" version.
I'm a believer in truth in headlines, so I think the title should be honest and let people know what they are getting into upfront.
"Caring for your Mongaloid"
"Congrats; you're the 9,543,876,988 to experience the 'miracle' of childbirth"
"What you've bought with your demolished vagina"
"Your boyfriend is going to cheat on you because you have your head up your pretencious ass"
"Now you can blame it on the 'baby' weight"
"Your stomach looks like stretched leather"
"Your baby-daddy left; how to trick the next guy into taking responsibility"
"You're not damaged goods, but you'd still be 1/2 off at the supermarket"
====================================================================
Now that there is some quality hatin.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-02 04:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You got plastic surgery. Why.
I Hope My Wife Will Still Have Sex With Me
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-02 04:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-06-02 01:17:27 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
How about:
"Post-Natal Abortion: What Are My Options?"
"The Best Toilets for Flushing Fetuses"
"How To Fool A DNA Test"
"Now They're Society's Problem"
"'My Babies Grew Up Without Ever Seeing the Front of My Head!' An Interview with Orphelia"
-----------------
ha!
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-02 00:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lessons I Learned From My Kids
~~~~~~~~~
Sympathy for your facial swelling.......are you going to mention what caused it ms. Painpill?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-01 22:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"My gaping hole and all of the things I can put in it: An alphabetical perspective".
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-06-01 21:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know what happened to you but I hope you feel better. Here's two points.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-06-01 21:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best title is a truism:
"Insanity Is Hereditary. You Get It From Your Kids."
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-06-01 21:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey!! Someone is peaing on your face!
What happened?
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your face looks like you're reacting to sandmantate's comment.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Whilst your face was never attractive to begin with, I'm stumped as to why you would continue to show us your "improved" version.
I'm a believer in truth in headlines, so I think the title should be honest and let people know what they are getting into upfront.
"Caring for your Mongaloid"
"Congrats; you're the 9,543,876,988 to experience the 'miracle' of childbirth"
"What you've bought with your demolished vagina"
"Your boyfriend is going to cheat on you because you have your head up your pretencious ass"
"Now you can blame it on the 'baby' weight"
"Your stomach looks like stretched leather"
"Your baby-daddy left; how to trick the next guy into taking responsibility"
"You're not damaged goods, but you'd still be 1/2 off at the supermarket"
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You were kind of cute before this happened...
Now it just looks like you learned a lesson the hard way.
Also, I third pandora's suggestions.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The fuck happened to you!?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pandora made me lol
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Duct Tape: Babysitter for the New Economy"
"Breast Pump/Intubation Feeder How-To You Can Make At Home"
"Dislocation: A Scientific Study of Arm-Leg Infant Superman Syndrome"
"If Your Baby Cries, It Means You're A Horrible Mother"
"Post-Partum Depression for Fun and Profit"
"Diaper Art"
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-06-01 20:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How about:
"Post-Natal Abortion: What Are My Options?"
"The Best Toilets for Flushing Fetuses"
"How To Fool A DNA Test"
"Now They're Society's Problem"
"'My Babies Grew Up Without Ever Seeing the Front of My Head!' An Interview with Orphelia"