Geek Off 2009 - or "shit, i really am a geek!" (634 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Unabonger (View user info) at 2009-06-07 22:56:59 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/122439
In my years as an angst-filled, sexually frustrated early teenager I learned to cope with a lack of sexual stimuli in many ways. It wasn't that I was an ugly teen or had too much acne or was fat or anything like that...in fact once I decided to speak to women I found it easy and rewarding. But in order to avoid any kind of rejection during my impressionable years, I filled my void with other interests. This is the exact definition, in my opinion, of geekdom. Anything you can do to fill that void besides rape and drugs is usually considered by general consensus as geeky or nerdy. After I discovered that pot was great, chicks drinking wine coolers is usually a good sign, flaming shots of everclear ARE dangerous, and vagina feels every bit as good as they say, I still honed my geekdom in many ways.
1. I know what THAC0 is and how to calculate it against a decent AC. That last statement should prove as evidence that I existed in a land before 3e. Acronyms that would fly over the head of any of my more popular or charismatic peers are expertly spoken around a table sticky with spilled mountain dew, funyuns and beef jerky.
"Pass me the DMG I'm looking up the rules on Hewards Handy Haversack."
"Sorry, Unabonger...you can only look in the PHB. I'm DM and what I say is law. You can't fit in it."
"That's bullshit. Oh! The totinos pizza is ready."
"Shhh, don't wake up my mom."
2. I am well aware how Frog's abilities amplify Chrono's. Their combined kung fu is strong indeed. How about knowing you can't defeat Zemus without turning Cecil into a paladin? Or that Shadow can destroy Kefka in one command by 'throwing' Atma Weapon or Ragnarok. Instead of saying 9999 dmg, it says 'too much to count'. Try it!
3. I know what someone means when they say "I was OOCing for SOW cause I was on a CR. Some bastich KSed me and trained the whole zone."
4. For The Horde!
5. Protoss FTW.
6. Many times I have used Wikipedia to look up some mundane fact. Last time I used it I ended up reading for half a day. I now know how naval combat was conducted when ships used sails. This is just a small piece of the knowledge bestowed upon me from Wiki.
7. I can proficiently use the dewy decimal system, regardless of #6. I did grow up in a world without internet.
8. I have evolved my political arguing skills to a point where, at the first signs of a discussion, I quickly say "if it was so easy to prove your side is right, people wouldn't be arguing in the first place."
9. (this one's a recent addition) I know the differences between LCD, LED backlit, plasma, DLP, and LCD projections. I can also connect a full 7.1 HD theater system using 3-zone receivers.
10. I passed music theory with flying colors.
11. I am versed in MLA formatting and have been for over 15 years.
12. I can tie a necktie 5 different ways and know what would look good for people based on their body-type.
13. I collect monkey paraphernalia.
14. I know who Tom Bombadil is.
15. I know what an Albatross is in golf-terms...though I've never shot one.
16. I frequent ubersite.
17. I have old circuit city shirts.
18. I've seen Oliver Stone's JFK so many times I can recite the 3-hour film in it's entirety.
19. Did you know Luke turns to the dark side for a brief period? I do.
20. I think the HBO series 'Rome' is the best thing ever put on a television.
21. I participated in this contest.
22. I check my facebook and myspace daily.
23. I wear glasses and tape is currently holding them together.
So there you have it. I'm sure more will occur to me after I click 'hook me up'. But those are some good ones.
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-08 23:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Geekstink.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2009-06-08 17:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the geek is strong in you
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-06-08 17:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of most of these things.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2009-06-08 15:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-08 12:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the geekiest thing about me are the cummulated hours i spent playing CS.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-08 12:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the geekiest thing ive ever done is masturbate with a lead figure of frodo
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
chrono trigger is the only rpg i've ever played.
and zergs pwn all btw.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
4. For The Horde!
you win
======================
WTF does that even mean? I didn't understand most of these.
===
For The Horde is something Orcs say in Warcraft 2-3 or World of Warcraft, geekiest game of all time
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
4. For The Horde!
you win
======================
WTF does that even mean? I didn't understand most of these.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
4. For The Horde!
you win
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-08 11:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
6. Many times I have used Wikipedia to look up some mundane fact. Last time I used it I ended up reading for half a day. I now know how naval combat was conducted when ships used sails. This is just a small piece of the knowledge bestowed upon me from Wiki.
13. I collect monkey paraphernalia.
14. I know who Tom Bombadil is.
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I get paid to study wikipedia all day. They don't realize it though.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2009-06-08 09:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what exactly is music theory?
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-08 09:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm confused.
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2009-06-08 08:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the horde :)
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-08 07:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A quality submission and it's the first one! Congratz and welcome to Geek Hell! Your submission will now be chewed over by A.I. Hamsters (while they're not busy trying to take over the world) and we will get back to you. Thanks!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-08 05:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-06-07 23:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you play magic?
If not then you don't qualify.
Sorry.
-----
Gonna Tim ya.
Submitted by StarBelliedSneetch (user info) at 2009-06-08 04:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY COME MERRY DOLL, DERRY DOLL MY DARLING
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-08 04:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow I am so glad that I understood probably about 10% of this. The glasses being held together with tape won your geekdom in my eyes.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-06-08 03:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
geeks are hot
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-06-07 23:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you play magic?
If not then you don't qualify.
Sorry.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-06-07 23:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's probably a good thing.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-06-07 23:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm, I don't understand a good 60% of this.
That's NOT a bad thing, right?