I Fucked My Kill Bill DVD and All I Got Was this DVD Stuck on My Dick (NSFW) (2804 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.81 on 74 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sully (View user info) at 2009-06-10 15:03:13 EDT
As I'm sure many of you have heard and gossiped about casually, David Carradine died while doing the ol' "strangle yourself whilst beating off" trick.
According to Wikipedia, the be-all end-all of information sites of whose truth I will never doubt, "On June 4, 2009, Carradine was found dead in his room at the Swissôtel Nai Lert Park Hotel on Wireless Road, near Sukhumvit, in central Bangkok, Thailand. A police official said Carradine was found hanging by a rope in the room's closet, and the Bangkok Post reported that his body was found curled up in the wardrobe with a shoelace tied around his genitals and neck. The same officer said: "Under these circumstances we cannot be sure that he committed suicide but he may have died from masturbation.""
Predictably, you've been dishing the latest Carradine rumor to your grandmother who happens to be your only true friend of what hairstyle Carradine had at the time of his own hanging and such, but allow me to lay a few things out straight right now.
There simply mustn't be any confusion about this fact: You can only gauge the level of embarrassment from accidental death via auto-asphyxiation by what kind of crap the person was beating off to before he lost consciousness. Not how small his dick is, not if he was completely naked or not, and certainly not what's in his recent visited sites bar. Don't you dare give me the "LOL but check out this creepy internet history log! There's donkeys, Amish men and..." The only thing that really counts is what's on the dude's 17 inch monitor when you find him purple faced, dick out and wearing a belt like a necklace.
As it stands right now, no one's printed anything detailing the type of porn Carradine was found with in his hotel room. So in my mind, I don't have the legal right to make fun of the guy. I mean, what if he was jacking it to a Barbara Hershey sextape that only he was in possession of? Believe it or not, Barbara Hershey was once ridiculously hot (unlike the robot transsexual temptress she looks like now). Carradine was fucking her, again according to Wikipedia, from 1972-1975. This period is literally the perfect span of time in Earth's history to be getting your dick wet inside Barbara Hershey. These few years were Hershey's undoubted physical peak.
(If you don't buy it, do a google image search for "Barbara Hershey" and "Boxcar Bertha,"with SafeSearch off, and tell me with a straight face she wasn't one of the finer pieces of ass back in 1972. You could make a legitimate argument that David Carradine deserves a Purple Heart or something for tapping that ass in 1972. Incidentally, I wrote an 18-page paper on this exact topic in college a few months before Carradine's demise.)
Even if Carradine died beating off to, say, a video of naked boys dancing and eating cake (a +2 to you if you tell me what post I'm referencing), I'm still hesitant to mock him. That scenario would make a classic SNL sketch and all but... what if ejaculating just as you die is the most powerful feeling of euphoria one can possibly experience? Who are we to poke fun at David Carradine if he was merely taking advantage of the world's best possible orgasm, boys, cake and all? Besides in all likelihood, fucking up during auto-asphyxiation is how the majority of us will go anyway, right?
Here's a homework assignment for everyone:
Hang yourself while whacking it and time yourself to cum exactly as you take a permanent dirt nap.
Then come back here and post how awesome it felt.
Speaking of naps, I was taking one earlier today and this girl Anna, who's been living with me as of late, turned on the TV in the living room and started watching Sportcenter full blast with me still on the adjacent couch. I tried turning over and animatedly blocking my ears with my pillow to send the message. Not wanting to seem like a dick and say "Um, so I'm I guess I'm trying to sleep here?" I figured my body language could express the fact that she was altering my slumber. But nope. She didn't catch my drift and continued watching SC. Occasionally, she'd scream a variation of "Holy shit!" when they were going over basketball highlights.
This isn't the first instance of Anna being annoying. She's always walking around the apartment in her underwear or just an oversized t-shirt. Her clothes are literally scattered all over the floor in her room and sometimes leak into the kitchen where anyone could slip on them and crack their head open on the hardwood. She eats with her mouth open, drinks beer practically every day and leaves the cans lying around (which I have to clean up, of course) and never wears makeup. I mean, the least she could do is put on mascara and fix up her hair every once in a while, right?
I haven't had the balls to tell her she needs to clean up her act. See, I only just met her and I don't want to her to think I'm this huge worry-wart dickhead. But my ruined nap pushed me over the edge. After a few minutes of enduring this girl blasting Sportcenter, I finally threw the blanket off and walked right up to her with my fists on my hips. I was in full-blown Dad mode for some reason. She looked up at me smiling, her bare feet crossed on the coffee table.
"Anna, look. I really don't want to sound like an asshole but would it kill you to wear jeans every now and then? I'm sort of embarrassed to invite anyone over because you're kind of a slob. No offense, but really it's starting to get a little annoying."
"Oh? Oh, sure, yeah. Sorry Sully. Yeah, it's no big deal. You should've said something sooner."
Then she handed me her cell phone and told me to hit the record video button.
And she sarcastically put some pants on in front of me.
"Make a GIF image out of that, so you can remember it for a long time. It'll be the only time I ever do what you tell me to do, Sully" she said smirking.
I'm regretting living with a complete stranger.
User Reviews
Submitted by Ebenezer_Spooge (user info) at 2009-06-16 12:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold (user info) at 2009-06-14 20:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Boring.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-15 14:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So since that's out of the way, here's the video this gif came from.
http://rapidlibrary.com/download_file_i.php?qq=shay%20laren%20wii&file=5569944&desc=shay+laren+nude+wii+full+.wmv
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Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.freeones.com/html/s_links/Shay_Laren/
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I know the internets is plum full of porn n' naked boobies and such... but thanks, eh.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-06-15 10:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i live in a shared house too Sully - SLEEP IN YOUR FUCKING BEDROOM!
Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold (user info) at 2009-06-14 20:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Boring.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-06-12 01:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's some good Uber right there
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So since that's out of the way, here's the video this gif came from.
http://rapidlibrary.com/download_file_i.php?qq=shay%20laren%20wii&file=5569944&desc=shay+laren+nude+wii+full+.wmv
It's basically Shay Laren inviting a camera man into her apartment and showing him around. Everything seems so nice and harmless, some chat of playing wii bowling... then BAM. She's playing wii completely naked. Biggest twist since the death-for-all at the end of The Departed. (spoiler alert)
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Way to wreck the atmosphere. You basically are that asshole who made a 56-page report detailing the impossibility of Santa Claus existing.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.freeones.com/html/s_links/Shay_Laren/
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2009-06-11 19:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ho. ly. fuck.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2009-06-11 19:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On another note - did you see the name of the Thai forensic expert in the investigation?
Pornip Rojanasunan, I shit you not.
Am doing fine thanks Orph - currently enjoying post exam/degree debauchery. How are you?
--
Ref: http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,25591884-2703,00.html
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-11 15:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If Jesus was real, there should be more videos of her jumping up and down.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 15:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude. Why the fuck wasn't the Jefferson Airplane performance in the Woodstock movie. I waited four hours for White Rabbit and was crushingly let down.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 15:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Like literally equal to or just so close to congruency in a less than/greater than math problem it's easier just to put an equal sign?
Lungfish what are you doing tonight? We have everything in common.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2009-06-11 15:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So Sully = Lungfish. Cool.
Matnotharry wetotally need to mail, how are you chicken?!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If they're fake they wouldn't jiggle like these. Maybe they'd bounce themselves on the rest of the chest but the tits themselves wouldn't move about like jello.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dunno...my mom and sister have fake boobs and they look every bit as real as those jugs...
BUT I've seen boobs that are equally beautiful and big and natural (never desired to see them naked though) so it is possible.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't tell if you're joking sage, but it might be all the THC.
Trees are less natural than those puppies.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Make that, "Crosby, Stills, Nash & YOUNG Vol. 2"
Sorry Neil Young.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you think her boobs are real? They're phenomenal.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus, I'm watching Woodstock '69 on VH1 right now and the band Fleet Foxes might have well have called themselves "Crosby Stills & Nash Vol. 2."
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just noticed she's titty-fucking the shit out of the medallion on her necklace.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-11 14:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was actualy disappointed with my gf tits when i come last night after watching this gif at work.
:-(
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-11 13:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 gif
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2009-06-11 12:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant stop watching!
and by watching I mean masturbating
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 11:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-11 10:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reference is to:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29438
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cheerios already called it...
but I'll +2 your post because I'm bored, cold, lonely and naked.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2009-06-11 11:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-11 10:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reference is to:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29438
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-11 09:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right on!!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-11 07:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome post
AMAZING GIF.
someone make me turn it off....
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2009-06-11 02:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Friend of mine used to hang out with Hershey and Carradine back then. I guess she called herself "Seagull." shrug
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2009-06-11 00:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny and this girl is phenomenal
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2009-06-10 22:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hypnotic, even...
Submitted by captainrads (user info) at 2009-06-10 22:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How can you possibly regret living with someone that looks like that?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-10 21:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good post
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2009-06-10 21:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to call that move the INXS or Hutchenceing yourself. Grasshopper finally became the master.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2009-06-10 19:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didnt read. Rating the .gif.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-10 19:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
knock her out and mail her to me in a box.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 18:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-10 17:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"sarcastically" put on pants?
---
In the context of the situation, that little expression she makes as she's putting on her jeans strikes me as sarcastic. Maybe actions can't be sarcastic though, which may be your point. If that's the case fuck me, right.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-10 17:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Fucking.
Tits.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-10 17:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well this was just an excellent post.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-10 17:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"sarcastically" put on pants?
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-06-10 16:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If that was his roommate and he was complaining about her not wearing any pants, he's clearly a homo.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2009-06-10 16:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like my girls kinda messy...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-10 16:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so who,s the chick? your roomate?
you must jerkoff a lot.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-10 16:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You just got a DVD stuck to your dick? I have an entire monitor stuck to mine, you lucky bastard.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-10 16:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 12:48:27 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interestingly enough, the masturbation death thing could all be a ploy and David Carradine was actually murdered by some ninja cult.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/06072009/news/regionalnews/whacky_kung_fu_172948.htm
If I turn up dead tomorrow with a shoelace around my neck and dick, it was because I posted that link.
Okay, now I'm just telling straight lies. It was because I was horny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Took link.
Carradine family attorney is also Scott Petersons attorney.Peterson was a fertilizer salesman, therefore Carradine suffocated on mulemuffins. That wasn't a belt around his neck, it was a lead rope..
Death by Thai pimp gone wild.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-10 16:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
skrap... tell us about the stresses she's putting that over the shoulder boulder holder through. i imagine there's some sort of calculation you could perfom involving her fantasticly large fun bags.
-----
Certainly. I'd need to do some measurements; volume, density, geometry, maybe natural frequency. Same for the bra straps. And of course she'd have to undergo a battery of testes.
OK, that was a really awful joke. Short notice and all that.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, well, when she grows up she'll have horrible back ache.
*old, bitter and with back ache*
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's definitely more comforting for the Carradine family to tell themselves David was murdered by a ninja cult out for revenge.
And that fact makes me happy inside sentences like the above even exist.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't someone post a link to an article about Carradine that said he was found in a closet, and that his hands were tied behind his back?
Ninja cult, dude.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interestingly enough, the masturbation death thing could all be a ploy and David Carradine was actually murdered by some ninja cult.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/06072009/news/regionalnews/whacky_kung_fu_172948.htm
If I turn up dead tomorrow with a shoelace around my neck and dick, it was because I posted that link.
Okay, now I'm just telling straight lies. It was because I was horny.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at the jugs on her. NICE. Next have her do one cooking an omelet. With nothing on.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i keep coming back to it. from the neck down she looks like the girl i lost my virginity to and it brings back some very nice memories.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Post was awesome. The gif left me mystified.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ya know, I don't understand why a person who might have some money and fame would be be reduced to screwing HIMSELF in any country, let alone Thailand.
He must have owed somebody a lot of somthing and they killed him.
Great gif
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
skrap... tell us about the stresses she's putting that over the shoulder boulder holder through. i imagine there's some sort of calculation you could perfom involving her fantasticly large fun bags.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't get enough of that video.
"VAGOINA!"
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok....
that girl is entertaining.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, now my recommended videos will have queefing and farting mixed in.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For whatever reason, I hate to +2 someone right after they've +2ed one of my posts, but this had auto-asphyxiation *and* great boobs. So, there's not much I can do about it right now.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what was this about?
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahah, I love Lebron. Let me do you one better with this clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZfWBgaB7Uk
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well at least it's not transparent and childish.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Speaking of...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6CWVkPhzRw
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can see where the bug was cut off on the lower right corner. Your ruse is feeble and flatulent.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lies. This gif was made but an hour ago!
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That gif is as old as Jesus fish. You're roomie, if you have one, is most likely a butch Kamaya-maya lesbian.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great tits.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is one memorizing GIF.
What a terrible problem to have.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
winner winner lasagna dinner!
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
exploiting peer to peer networks
go on, +2 my post!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-06-10 15:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment