I am the Dork Lord of the Uber, Fear my GEEK OFF! (794 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.07 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Darth Famine (View user info) at 2009-06-11 20:51:34 EDT
in pictures no less.
Sally, you and your bf are hereby given a standing invite to the gaming table should you ever be down Georgia way.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-06-17 00:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2009-06-15 13:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This may be good, but I wouldn't know because I'm not one to scroll side to side to view pictures of cockblocking glory toys.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2009-06-15 12:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Star Trek, Star Wars, Dungeons and Dragons, and swords? I think that makes you a nerd, not a geek.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2009-06-14 19:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ha! Riddled with Geek indeed.
Submitted by bustedcompass (user info) at 2009-06-13 21:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You were doing good as a harmless eccentric until you got to the swords. Now you scare me. So does your wife. So do your children. I don't care if they are still in diapers. They scare me.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2009-06-13 19:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Winner!
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2009-06-13 17:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-13 00:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-12 12:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People who collect swords are compensating.
--
i like how geeks who collect swords all pose like this guy (no offense to you personally, fella), 'you don't even want to step to me, dude, my swordfghting skills are legendary.'
lol
really? swordfighting? is that a useful skill in this day and age? it makes me think you are all basically this guy: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d2d_1242428103 , credit to hbts
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no, we just figure that if you own a weapon you should know how to use it.
else its just a waste
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2009-06-13 00:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-12 12:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People who collect swords are compensating.
--
i like how geeks who collect swords all pose like this guy (no offense to you personally, fella), 'you don't even want to step to me, dude, my swordfghting skills are legendary.'
lol
really? swordfighting? is that a useful skill in this day and age? it makes me think you are all basically this guy: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d2d_1242428103 , credit to hbts
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2009-06-12 23:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this what Uber has been reduced to? A Geek-Off Competition?
*sigh*
Why can't we just insult random bitches while invading random sites.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-06-12 16:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another +2 for having so many old books! I have a few, including copies of "The Odyssey" and "The Iliad" that are over 100 years old--no, they are not signed by Homer :) You might appreciate the old Rod Serling "Twilight Zone" paperbacks I have from the early 60's.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2009-06-12 15:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are OVERQUALIFIED for any Geek-Off.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2009-06-12 15:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read; you win automatically because of your name.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-12 14:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.cracked.com/article_17455_15-retarded-dungeons-dragons-monsters.html
HA!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-12 14:08:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2fa_1180156799
One more time- this time, with feeling.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-12 13:37:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-12 10:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-12 10:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-------------------------
Yeah, those were the ones, but I smack thee back for assuming I was supposed to remember all this, not to mention, I still own MANY of those games as well. The one you mentioned as being buggy as hell, indeed it was, but I still beat it by figuring out what triggered the bugs on each level and working around it. The hardest one was one of the last, where you must defeat the boss before a certain number of rounds or it CTDs.
Come to think of it, most of the D&D games I've ever seen have been buggy as hell, a testament to the game's limitless nature, and the limits of computer programming
But yeah, the Shalambarawhatever was lame, it was like M&M3, only with much worse graphics and abysmal gameplay, so was the Ravenloft one.
I believe all the really old games are up in VA at my friend's house, along with all the old D&D books and Monster Manuals.
------------------------------
Alright, alright. Even tho they were buggy as all fuck, I still had fun with them. Some of them had some really interesting stories before we had "Final Fantasy" to take care of that for us. Well, at least me - I came late to the FF party but even the dying gasp was interesting. Monster Manuals were hilarious comedy. Most of those things couldn't even walk right. Here, check this out:
http://www.cracked.com/article_17455_15-retarded-dungeons-dragons-monsters.html
Not very funny but damn does it bring back some memories.
But then, so does Jolt Cola and No-Doze...
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-06-12 13:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I sense a disturbance in the dork. The geek is strong with this one. Hope you caught my entry. Bet we would have fun if we ever met.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-12 12:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People who collect swords are compensating.
Submitted by uncoordinated_ninja (user info) at 2009-06-12 11:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wasn't too impressed with the D&D collection cause I have my own still (It was always a source of comedy for my friends since I've been in the military). The Wheel of Time, also nice. The rest was just a bonus.
Some would say "WTF?", however, I like to give kudos where they're due.
You got my vote.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-12 10:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-12 10:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-------------------------
Yeah, those were the ones, but I smack thee back for assuming I was supposed to remember all this, not to mention, I still own MANY of those games as well. The one you mentioned as being buggy as hell, indeed it was, but I still beat it by figuring out what triggered the bugs on each level and working around it. The hardest one was one of the last, where you must defeat the boss before a certain number of rounds or it CTDs.
Come to think of it, most of the D&D games I've ever seen have been buggy as hell, a testament to the game's limitless nature, and the limits of computer programming
But yeah, the Shalambarawhatever was lame, it was like M&M3, only with much worse graphics and abysmal gameplay, so was the Ravenloft one.
I believe all the really old games are up in VA at my friend's house, along with all the old D&D books and Monster Manuals.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-12 10:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mother of god! There is geek and then there is GEEK! You cant win this competition though as you have biological evidence of impregnating a female unlike most of the contenders.
But shit. What is with the swords? Why do geeks have swords? Christ if I had known Geeks had swords then I would have been nicer to a few of them back in the day.
I'm going to go call up some old geeks i used to be nasty to and appologise, as i dont want to be on some geek kill list like in Grosse point Blanc
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-06-12 10:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamnit, your pathetic. On the bright side, however, it sounds like (contrary to most people) you married your soul mate - good for you.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-12 10:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-12 08:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that's an assload of geek. I tried starting up a game session with the guy down my street, but he turned out to be a nut-job computer programmer and flaky as hell.
Mostly I think he didn't like me because I dressed really casually (I wore a tie dye, oh my god!) and didn't want to get into Libertarian political discussion with him....at the first meeting.
To be fair, I haven't played D&D for around 10 years, and I'm sure there have been tons of changes, and I COULD go and spend tons of money on new books to replace the old ones I gave to my friend in Va who now keeps them with his treasure trove of all things early 80's in his mom's attic, but it would be much easier if someone else can fill me in.
Any geeks out there care to make a post explainining the differences from 1994-8 era D&D versus today?
And you I trust would know the answer to this Darth.....what were the names of the earliest versions of D&D PC games? I remember fondly buying a 5 pack of them at Wal-Mart, all same type of game engine (HA!) and rules, but in different worlds, I remember the last one I beat was the Planescape version, and before that was Ravenmist. I can't remember the names, but they kicked ass, and were a top down turn based game.
There were actually other earlier games, one I remembered was Nebuchhadnezzawhateverthefuckhisnamewas of the Drow, but it never worked right.
This is what happens when your uncle is only 8 years older than you, and in college studying to be an electrical engineer when you get your first computer.
-------------
Actually, I know the answer to that question. Course, that could be because I still have some of those games and they still work. They were all DOS/Windows games.
It's not ravenmist *smacks you for that one*. It's Ravenloft and there were two of those games - "Strahd's Possession" and "Stone Prophet". Also were "Pool of Radiance - Ruins of Myth Drannor", "Neverwinter Nights" (before it went online), "Neverwinter Nights: Hordes of the Underdark", "Baldur's Gate", "Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn", "Baldur's Gate II: Throne of B'haal", "Planescape Torment", "Icewind Dale", "Icewind Dale II", "Greyhawk: The Temple of Elemental Evil", "Menzoberranzan" *smacks you again for mangling that one*, "Al Quadim: The Genie's Curse", and others I only fuzzily recall. The earlier versions were ones that SSI did what was referred to as the "Gold Box" because of the packaging but the name of the engine got to be called "Gold Box", too for the same reason. The SSI games were "Pools of Radiance", "Curse of the Azure Bonds", "Secret of the Silver Blades", "Pools of Darkness", and "Forgotten Realms: Unlimited Adventures" for the FR setting and then three for the Dragonlance setting, "Champions of Krynn", "Death Knights of Krynn", and "The Dark Queen of Krynn". Then someone else did "Gateway to the Savage Frontier", an FR title and "Treasures of the Savage Frontier". There was a "Spelljammer: Pirates of Realmspace" but I never came across a copy of it, I only ever kept hearing about that game so I never played it. I never played the "Dark Suns: Shattered Lands" one and I don't own that one because I never met a copy of it that wasn't buggy as all hell (it used a diff engine but I don't remember the name). Two more Dragonlance were "Heroes of the Lance" and "Dragons of Flame" that came in silver boxes but they weren't SSI. "Hillsfar", "Dragonstrike", and the "Eye of the Beholder" games (I think there were 2 or 3 of those) weren't SSI either but damn if I can think of the company that made them.
Shit, there were a ton of 'em! Hell they still make some pretty damned good games based of the D&D stuff - ever play "Demon Stone"? That one was fun and the lead char looked like he stepped off of the cover of a Metallica album.
And this *points at self* is what happens when you start learning/working on/coding for computers when they were still shitty Commodore64 or Apple IIes back in 1985 when Hitler was still a baby. Hell, I wrote games for the Commodore64. Still got 'em around somewhere... on 5.25" floppy (back when "floppy" actually MEANT something!)... hells bells... I'll just break out one of the 8 working C64's I have and paw through those floppies again... someday... mebbe. Yes, I'm a geek. Why else you think I'm hosting this contest?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-12 09:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tsk, tsk, you failed to appear at your court date. I hope that wasn't the same court date you, YOURSELF set up here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/116003
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2009-06-12 08:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My whacked out, ultra restrictive, Christian cult family members were petrified of D&D when it started getting big in the 80's. Let's see, if you opened even one D&D book for a fraction of a second, multitudes of demons would pour out and devour you and poop on the rug.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-12 08:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh-oh, I see your name in there......and I know what city you live in/around.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-12 08:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I enjoyed the posturing the most.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-12 08:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How do you people ever get laid?
This reminds me of this- Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2fa_1180156799
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-12 08:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a collection of autographed photos. Most are from recent TV or movies, but there are a few older ones like Bill Cosby and Chuck Yeager and Kid Rock. Geekiest one: original Star trek cast (Shatner, Nimoy, Doohan, Kelley, Nichols, Koenig, Takai), all original signatures. It is reduced in monetary value but increased in geekiness by the addition of the signature of Mark Lenard who played Spock's father. He does not appear in the photo.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-12 08:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that's an assload of geek. I tried starting up a game session with the guy down my street, but he turned out to be a nut-job computer programmer and flaky as hell.
Mostly I think he didn't like me because I dressed really casually (I wore a tie dye, oh my god!) and didn't want to get into Libertarian political discussion with him....at the first meeting.
To be fair, I haven't played D&D for around 10 years, and I'm sure there have been tons of changes, and I COULD go and spend tons of money on new books to replace the old ones I gave to my friend in Va who now keeps them with his treasure trove of all things early 80's in his mom's attic, but it would be much easier if someone else can fill me in.
Any geeks out there care to make a post explainining the differences from 1994-8 era D&D versus today?
And you I trust would know the answer to this Darth.....what were the names of the earliest versions of D&D PC games? I remember fondly buying a 5 pack of them at Wal-Mart, all same type of game engine (HA!) and rules, but in different worlds, I remember the last one I beat was the Planescape version, and before that was Ravenmist. I can't remember the names, but they kicked ass, and were a top down turn based game.
There were actually other earlier games, one I remembered was Nebuchhadnezzawhateverthefuckhisnamewas of the Drow, but it never worked right.
This is what happens when your uncle is only 8 years older than you, and in college studying to be an electrical engineer when you get your first computer.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-12 06:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You say you have a wife. I call shenanigans. :)
Submitted by Gayvid_Gerrold (user info) at 2009-06-12 05:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All I have is a subscription to Analog and the Star Trek/X-Men novel. :(
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2009-06-12 04:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SmalltownSally (user info) at 2009-06-11 22:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!!! I didn't even think of putting my Tolkien in mine! Granted, your copyright dates beat my copyright dates hands down, but I *do* have a copy of the Simarillon from sometime in the 70's.
kewlness, all my maps are intact too ;P though you do have me beat in the chain mail department.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-12 04:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nein, fraulein. not my slice of cake.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-06-12 03:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Winnar
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-12 00:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, the people on this site are creeping me out more and more since this started :-O
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2009-06-12 00:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He also flat-out REFUSES to watch the Trilogy Movies. Calls them a "Base Bastardization" and mutters things about Tokien coming back and busting some elven swords all up in Peter Jackson's shit. He is tres geek.
Great entry, Famine. When's the next pork chop nite? I know I'm invited. Right? I'm invited. You watch. I'ma gonna get me some pork chop.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-11 22:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hobbits and sharp shiny blades!
WOOHOO
Submitted by SmalltownSally (user info) at 2009-06-11 22:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!!! I didn't even think of putting my Tolkien in mine! Granted, your copyright dates beat my copyright dates hands down, but I *do* have a copy of the Simarillon from sometime in the 70's.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you have some sort of classic Atari system don't you?
don't lie to me I can see into your soul
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quote Sully.
You people scare the shit out of me.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
matt won already.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-11 21:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You people scare the shit out of me.