Tom vs. Kerry King (677 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Tom
Rating: 1.33 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jimbo (View user info) at 2009-06-15 13:29:54 EDT
Sorry I've been gone so long. Here's a short story.
So, Tom and I got tickets to attend the 2005 Exposition for the National Association of Music Merchants (NAMM). It's basically a kickass guitar show that, in 2005, was held in downtown Indianapolis. There are always a ton of guitar heroes around signing autographs for the fans. This is the story of Tom's attempt to obtain an autograph from Kerry Fucking King (KFK), guitar player for Slayer.
Minimum essential backstory: Neither Tom nor I are/were huge fans of Slayer, but so what? There's a rock star signing autographs, and there's no line? I'm gonna get the signature. Now, being the music fan that I am, I of course knew who Kerry King was, but Tom didn't. So here's the conversation as we pass the autograph station:
Tom: That guy looks scary as fuck.
Jimbo: Oh, awesome, It's Kerry King! I'm gonna get his autograph.
Tom: Who is Kerry King?
Jimbo <after slight pause>: Who doesn't know who Kerry Fucking King is? He's the guitar player for Sepultura.
Tom: I don't care. I'm going over to get Bootsy Collins' autograph.
Jimbo: Fine. But after, let's get in this line, okay?
Tom: Okay.
So we got in line for Bootsy, and I happened to be just in front of Tom. I said hello to Bootsy, got him to sign my NAMM badge, then immediately went over to the line for Kerry King's autograph. As it turned out, a bunch of people got in line right after me, so there was a 2 or 3 minute wait for Tom once he got into line. My encounter with Kerry King:
Jimbo: Huge fan. Love Slayer.
KFK: Thanks a lot. Thanks for coming.
He signed a poster for me, I got a picture taken with him, and I left. Interesting but ultimately meaningless note: Kerry King is short as hell. I mean like Gimli short. He was actually standing on a little box behind the autograph booth.
As I walked away, Tom was just getting into line. Our conversation:
Jimbo: He's really cool, but when you talk to him, you should say how much you love the band, He doesn't seem all that interested in individual praise. He even gave me this cool poster.
Tom: Good call. Thanks.
Jimbo <walking away so Tom can't see me>: Giggle snicker snort.
A few minutes passed, Tom got to the front of the line, and this gem of an exchange took place:
Tom: I'm a huge fan of yours. I love Sepultura.
KFK: I'm in Slayer, you fucking tool.
Tom <loud as fuck>: NO! YOU'RE A FUCKING TOOLBOX YOU FUCKBALL SELLOUT!!
POW! Kerry King lands a vicious sucker punch to the balls.
KFK: Get the FUCK out of here you fucking idiot!
Tom: whimper whimper whimper...
NAMM security subsequently intervened and escorted Tom to the door. Sadly, there is no photographic evidence of the commotion. This is the best I could do:
User Reviews
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2009-06-21 03:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice pic!
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-19 03:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wicked tat!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2009-06-17 01:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy Yngwie J. Malmsteen!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2009-06-17 00:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always thought Kerry King would be, like, 6'6". In semi related news, I'm getting quite good at the drums on Guitar Hero World Tour
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-17 00:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Slayer was my first concert...saw 'em at the Norva. Cool fucking venue, that.
Also, I made my drummist ex a t-shirt that read "What would Dave Lombardo do?" for his 29th birthday.
Ahhhh, memories.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-16 09:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god, Slayer. I haven't listened to them since I worked perishables in the Food Lion in Virginia.
I'd rock out on my headphones to "Guilty of being White" while my fingertips froze in the frozen OJ section.
Damn I'm glad I quit that job.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-16 08:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
poor Tom and his motor mouth
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-06-16 07:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-16 03:16:54 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
what kind of man punches another man in the nuts
-----------
A man with no legs with which to kick.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-06-16 00:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-15 14:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A Jimbo post about Tom? What fucking year is this?
^^^^
No shit.
Submitted by Ebenezer_Spooge (user info) at 2009-06-16 00:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2009-06-15 22:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what kind of man punches another man in the nuts
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-06-15 20:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SORRY, WRONG KEY.
You leave for a year, then for 3 years. Then you expect what??? Good ratings on a piece of shit?
Call Doodles or Caul. They are the site retards who will kiss your ass. Not I, chump. Never.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2009-06-15 20:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-06-15 19:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meeaaaaaaan. +2 KFK
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-06-15 17:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kerry King is a badass \m/
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-15 16:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You waited THREE YEARS...and THIS is the best you can come up with?
Retire...again.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2009-06-15 15:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-15 14:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Timely.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-15 14:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2009-06-15 14:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A Jimbo post about Tom? What fucking year is this?
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2009-06-15 14:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry. I've been busy.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-15 13:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You waited three years to post THIS?
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-06-15 13:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, now I read it and it's actually pretty funny.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2009-06-15 13:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read this, but here is a cartoon about Method:
http://www.explosm.net/comics/1687/