Support Your Neighborhood Fat Kid (719 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.31 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jasumthin (View user info) at 2009-06-16 15:44:34 EDT
There is a roving gang of fat kids in my neighborhood. It's a group of 3 kids but there actually appears to be about 5 of them. Sorry, but these are some fat fucking kids. The apparent leader of the group, the one that is both the fattest and loudest, has got a pretty sick but admirable sense of humor. He is also one dedicated bastard with a great work ethic. Him and his buddies stand on the overpass that runs across the interstate waiting on cars to pass by. As a car gets about 30 feet away, that twisted tub of goo starts hollering as he lifts he shirt up shaking and smacking each apathetically formed flab role at the horror of the people driving by. He looks like a young version of Kamala The Ugandan Nightmare. He seems to target old people the most, but he'll go after anyone really. I even saw him to it to a cat one time.
The first time he did it to me I didn't know what to think. It was pretty disturbing but pretty funny all at the same time. As twisted as Jabba The Black Adolescent Bridge Flasher is, I have to give it to him. He simply does not give a shit about what people think. He does this several times a week, for hours at a time. I've even seen him stand out in the rain to do it. Sure, he's the type that in 10 years will find himself in prison fighting over some honey buns after being featured on an episode of cops, but right now he's just enjoying himself at everyone else's expense. He doesn't let small things like weather conditions, self esteem, or morbid obesity prevent him from having a little fun. You just don't see that kind of dedication from kids these days.
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-19 03:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The kid is going to start shoving stray dogs off the bridge causing all manner of havoc below.
Poor demented critter....{the kid not the dog}.
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-06-18 18:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I lol'd
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2009-06-18 12:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2009-06-18 00:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too long
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2009-06-17 22:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MWG speaks the truth
There are people in the hills and hollars of the deep south that you never run into elsewhere.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2009-06-17 21:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stop being mad about fat kids in your neighborhood. It's pathetic, you steroid popping junkie. If you have such a problem with fat kids you wouldn't bother to display it so much. QUIET. I AM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT. This is one of the many reasons I don't come around to ubersite all that uch anymore.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-17 14:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please post a video, otherwise it isn't true, but still funny anyway.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-06-17 13:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ubmitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-16 16:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
With all due respect to Mr. Berg, thank you for not including a picture.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-17 12:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Attack of the Big Black Balloon People" will be the title of my next post.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-17 12:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know, guns, it just seems like really fat black guys don't have as many rolls. They almost look like their whole body has simply swollen up, like big black balloon people.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-17 12:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-17 11:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-17 11:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is it just me, or are morbidly obese negroes less offensive to look at than morbidly obese caucasians?
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i agree. cellulite, hair and strech marks just show less.
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BS. You two are obviously from the northern parts, and have had little exposure to the morbidly obese black man. Here in "tha south", we have far more exposure, and so we know better.
A) Stretch marks show up even better, as they show up darker.
B)Cellulite, is somewhat true, but I've seen some impressive cellulite.
C) Hair shows up just as well. Or maybe we just have hairier black people here?
There is no need to debate my truths, my honesty and accuracy in this matter is verified by the fact that I live by a city that offers a "Chicken and Waffles" eatery, and almost 100% of the food is deep fried in the region.
I'm in obese dark skinned person heaven and see proof of my statements on a daily basis.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-17 12:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-17 11:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-17 11:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is it just me, or are morbidly obese negroes less offensive to look at than morbidly obese caucasians?
===
i agree. cellulite, hair and strech marks just show less.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-17 11:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is it just me, or are morbidly obese negroes less offensive to look at than morbidly obese caucasians?
(fat people are kinda gross)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-06-17 06:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone knows that fat kids can't rove, they just sort of spread from one spot to the next, like melting blobs of butter.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-17 05:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spuj (user info) at 2009-06-17 04:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'There is a roving gang of fat kids in my neighborhood'
that sold it to me
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-17 03:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would imagine this child has self esteem issues, shame on you.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2009-06-17 00:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I snickered at "Jabba The Black Adolescent Bridge Flasher".
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-16 23:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-16 22:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-06-16 21:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...that's funny
is his name Rob Berg?
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Projecting again, sweet chunks?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2009-06-16 22:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me with the first line
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2009-06-16 21:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha...that's funny
is his name Rob Berg?
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-06-16 20:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being fat is not easy. And i don't mean that in an emotional retrospect.
How to be fat:
Breakfast:
1x Neighbourhood cat (or dog, optional)
3x Supersized Bacon and egg Mc Muffin combos (extra bacon, extra egg, large coffe as drink)
5x Giant cookies (for the walk to school, or fat camp)
Lunch:
5x Supersized Big Mac combos
2x Free range chickens (Olivers farm - 2km from school, live and whole chickens)
Afternoon Tea:
3x Mc Chicken Burger combos (just large)
2x Apples (gotta have something healthy sometime) [Toffee Apples, to be precise]
Dinner:
15x Medium bags of doritos
3x Home cooked meals (consists of greasy chicken wings, or 1kg of steak per plate)
1x Tree of peaches (desert)
Supper:
4x Hershey's chocolate bars (because they are good)
10x cartons of tootpicks ('cos brushing your teeth is for nannys)
Let's face it. Fat people put alot of effort into what they do.
And to act like King Kong and show it off and be proud... I applaud you fatties!
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2009-06-16 18:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When the apocalypse comes, those fat kids will make good eatin'.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-06-16 18:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Truffle Shuffle FTW?
Submitted by jasumthin (user info) at 2009-06-16 17:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll try to catch the chunky monkey when he has clothes on. No way in hell am i posting a pic of topless fat kid on the net.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-06-16 17:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best thing I've read all day!
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-16 16:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
LOLz. But, yeah, needs a pic.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-16 16:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
With all due respect to Mr. Berg, thank you for not including a picture.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2009-06-16 16:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
pic or it didn't happen.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-06-16 16:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This needed a picture for full marks.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-16 16:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet.