How To Read Women - Advice. (1345 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -1.17 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by moopy4u (View user info) at 2009-06-17 04:38:57 EDT
Okay, so incase you haven't clicked, or you didn't know something was up with someone offering adivce about women then you'd know this is a have.
It's still relative, because i actually NEED advice. The following article is probably going to make me look like a dick. But i am, so yeah... If after the post you guys have any advice for me (Other than go fuck yourself, or go die, or go fuck yourself and die) then i'd really appreciate it :]
Here's how it is, I'm almost 20. I feel fucking old, so shit do i feel sorry for anyone older than me already. I have, or perhaps past-tense is more appropriate... (HAD) a girlfriend. Now her birthday is in a few days ironically, she will be 19. FUCK HER! SHE BROKE UP WITH ME!
So when we started going out, it was 18 months ago. I fucked 2 different chicks and hid it from her about 6 months in. Then she found out a few months later ('Cos i suck at secrets.) But she still stayed with me. Oh, but it wasn't me who told her. She found out third party. ie. Friend of the person who i did it with. So i felt shit about being with her from then on. Scum of the earth was how i felt at best.
So when i didn't think i could fuck up any worse, we seemed to argue alot. And i mean ALOT, mainly through SMS messaging. Is there something wrong with her, or something wrong with me? She sends me one word replies and she yells at me 'cos i didn't txt back for a few hours...
I went out and kissed a girl too, oh and always txted other chicks - which she hated. So when ever she saw me, would chew through my phone like a lawn-mower on steroids, and see who i have txted and what i've said etc. She was hasty. She could do everything while i had a shower. She was way over-protective... But fair enough. I was getting to a point where i just wanted to be with her, and i could accept that i didn't need anyone else. I was sorrowful.
We always tried to break up in the past, mainly me though. Because i always felt bad about how i treated her. I was a right royal fuck up and didn't deserve her. Then i proposed that we should be friends a few times. She denied my idea, implying it'd be too hard to have contact as just friends. Okay, fair enough. Guess i can kind of see where she's coming from?
Recently, she told me she wanted to have a break from me... (So okay, that's all good i guess.... But will she do shit with another guy? Hmmm... Yes, i know, i'm a raging pussy. I should be out there getting laid and contracting more S.T.I's than Bob the Builder, but i'm just not that kind of guy anymore [Well not YET, AGAIN!])
So after this alleged break that was meant to happen, she comes over and the usual water works occur and nothing happens. Oh by the way, i haven't had sex in almost a month now. SO FUCK, I'm sexually frustrated. Angry masturbation is NOT the key! (And what couple doesn't have sex in a month!? AM I A FUCKING CHRISTIAN? GOD NO!)
So then we end up fighting, yet again. Somehow i pull a confession out of that thick-plotted skull of hers, and she tells me she thought this guy at a cafe across the road from her course is "Hot" and doesn't know what attracts her to him, but she wanted a break so she could "Try something new"... So wtf is this... She was going to leave me for a bit, so she could go off and fuck some guys? I've noticed (not just myself) that some guys are really skeptic about letting their girl go out and get some, yet they feel if they do it, it's no big deal... Guess that's how i've always felt. It's called selfishness.
So i've been trying so fucking hard these past few weeks to be nice to her, and try keep her happy.. She was supposed to come see me the other week, but never came in and i just relaxed and said it was okay. She was surprised how well i took it... Cool, i actually did something right for once. Then this weekend she was supposed to come in and go to the movies with me, stay at mine, and i get laid... Then the next day it's her birthday. I brought her a diamond & gold necklace. I went all out, didn't care about $$$$. She knows what i got her, she saw it. Far from the point though, she then says that she can't handle shit atm, and wants a break out of nowhere.
Then says she just wants to be friends. I ask her if it's so she can do shit with other guys, I get no answer to that, she just says, "I need time for myself and space, and you do too. We are both unhappy and you know it, let's just be friends"
I don't know what to do... She's on MSN now saying, Oh, i'm not blocked... That's good..
What's good about it? What is she on, seriously!? I'm hopeless at reading women.
What do i do? For the record, i was happy. Was nice to see the truth in the eye of it's beholder.
*We had some good times... Just wish she wasn't so set on being friends. She quoted that we had been "Friends all along pretty much. Just never thought about it." Some friendship!*
User Reviews
Submitted by RationalRampage (user info) at 2009-06-21 05:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This could have been a great story. "I got a girlfriend then fucked 2 other bitches. She is mad. The end." Then you became a flaming emohomo, crying about how she isn't interested anymore and just wants to be friends. She told she wanted to just be friends, she meant my underwear is still covered in spilled coffee and cum and I'm done with your whiney broke ass. She obviously is trying to to protect your fragile feelings dude (like a good friend), she could tell your on the verge of hanging yourself at pretty much anytime. At least that's the vibe 90% of us got from your post. Again, great high school story ruined, fuck you retard, please just get on with it. ^^
P/S you left out the part that you threw away something special on fat bitches during a drunken mishap
P/S/S it wasn't special
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2009-06-21 03:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you daft?
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2009-06-19 10:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus Christ, kid.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2009-06-19 09:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut the fuck up you whiny little emo fag. You're lucky there's not a "kill the guy who posted this shit" button on my computer, cause I'd have that shit pressed through to the other side of the keyboard right now.
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-06-18 18:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Ok, the pic loaded now......
See your eyes? They say "I'm so happy to be with this chick"
See her eyes? They say "I wonder what its like with a black dude..."
Move on dude.
-1 Because you cant resize images. I've seen a chimp on a linux box resize images....
Submitted by Liquidice281 (user info) at 2009-06-18 18:31:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude,
I've been where you are. She caught you fucking around and that really fucks with a woman's head. IMO, if you get caught -- consider any long term relationship fucked.
Heres what you do:
1. Break up, and you move on you pussy. (Its ok, I used to be a pussy too....)
2. Don't try to be friends with her
3. For future reference, don't get caught cheatin if you want a future with the chick.
4. Live and learn
-1 because the pic wouldn't load
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-18 18:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-06-18 17:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As expected some asshole feedback.
My hair doesn't look like that anymore, i'm not emo as it may look.
But greatly i don't care what kinda shit you guys say.
Cheers to the people who actually bothered giving advice and feedback. Even if there we're -2's and shit, it still kinda helps.
What i get is i need to just forget it and stay single for a while?
She keeps trying to pursuade me to be friends, as if she wants to fuck other guys then get with me later on. I keep getting mixed signals. And of fucking course i don't know the most simple women things. I'm young. What do you expect. Otherwise i wouldn't be asking for advice would i!?
And anyone who picks me out as a retards, perhaps you need to have your head looked at?
Just because i'm hot and your not, and you're all a few inches short of the dick club that i'm in, don't meant you need to have a go at me. So go fuck yourselves.
Atleast there are some good people out there who aren't complete assholes.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2009-06-18 14:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're whipped you faggot pansy. And you always will be. It's not the girl, although each one's unique bitchiness will determine exactly what kind of pain you'll be going through the rest of your life.
If it's not this one it'll be some other controlling, demanding bitch. You might as well start sitting down to pee now.
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-06-18 14:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am passing on to you what took me a long time to learn.
The person who cares the least has the most power.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-06-18 14:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is this a joke?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2009-06-18 12:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop trying. Be gay.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2009-06-18 11:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I got halfway through the first three lines and my eyeball popped out onto the keyboard.
Thanks asshole.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
okay here's some advice. Girls don't typically go for a guy whose daddy's pubic hair is starting to rust up in his mouth because he can't bring himself to remove it. Nor do they care for dave grohl hair, unless it's on dave grohl. and he's not an emo fag pretending to be dave grohl even if she knew who dave grohl was, which she wouldn't, because she was too busy being grossed out by your gayness, and consequently didn't have enough time to google dave grohl, because you were so gross - and gay. She's not with somebody else she's in the foetal position on her bed in the mental ward, rocking back and forth hoping that you are not the epitome of manhood, which, thankfully you're not. which is why you are gay. and why she doesn't like you anymore and why her parents keep telling her on visiting day that one day she'll be alright, when they're not telling her what a dickhead you are.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2009-06-18 10:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Start sucking cock, you Emo fag. No point in denying your latent homosexual urges anymore.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2009-06-18 06:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should tell her you ████ her and give her a ████.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2009-06-18 05:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yea so I only made it to the first sentence and wrote you off as retarded. Maybe a nice healthy downs syndrome girl would be more your scene?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-06-18 00:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2009-06-18 00:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...You're such an idiot that you're not clever enough to pick up on the most basic of female nuances. They're relatively rational creatures, often moreso than you.
...
_____________
let's not get carried away...'rational' and 'woman' shouldn't exist in the same sentence without a negative like 'not' or 'never' between them.
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2009-06-18 00:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're 19 fucking years old.
Shut the fuck up.
Dump the stupid twat, if you're never happy with her, you never will be happy with her.
You're addicted to pussy.
You're such an idiot that you're not clever enough to pick up on the most basic of female nuances. They're relatively rational creatures, often moreso than you.
Dump her and don't go out with anyone for a while.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2009-06-17 23:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut the fuck up
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2009-06-17 16:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I see in your future a big buck ramming you in ass till it bleeds.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-17 16:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-17 15:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll just leave this here.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-16 16:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
TRANSMISSION CODED 668-220044-398
SECURE TRUNK A, A11, A34
13:19:37 EST
SENT:
NASA SPACE STATION
RECEIVED:
MOOPY4U/WWW.UBERSITE.COM
MESSAGE FOLLOWS:
MOOPY: THANKS FOR THE COOL PIC. WE CAN SEE IT JUST BY LOOKING OUT OF THE HABITAT MODULE'S AFT HATCH. GREAT SHOT, MAN, YOU LOOK LIKE A CUTE COUPLE. SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR TROUBLES!
END TRANSMISSION
CONNECTION TERMINATED 44880-23-2-222
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2009-06-17 14:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
resize you fucking clunge
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-17 14:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, Jesus...YOU'RE ALMOST 20???
Shut the holy fuck up. This ain't Myspace, you fucking idiot.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-06-17 13:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like you both don't know what you want. Maybe it's best that you split up so you both can mature a little more and figure it all out.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2009-06-17 13:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you nothing about life.
your life is nothing.
don't bother is very apt.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-06-17 13:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
also, could you resize the pic? I can barely see it it's so tiny...
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2009-06-17 13:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for you and some of the comments.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2009-06-17 13:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
fact: chick wants to fuck another dude.
this is true. there is nothing you can do to change that. She wants another beef injection.
her telling you that shows an incredible amount of respect for you. She could have just cheated on you, dude. Would you rather that? Or how about break up with you for some stupid reason like "it's just not working". It sounds like that's what she's doing now probably cause you made her feel like shit the first time she tried to break up with you by being honest. She still wants to fuck the barista. Cope with it, move on and forget about her. Welcome to life.
Submitted by GreatOdensRaven (user info) at 2009-06-17 13:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dont cry emo kid.... Obviously you werent happy if you were off fucking other girls. At least she has the courtesy to take a break from your relationship to go get it elsewhere. Only losers cheat. If you want to fuck a bunch of women (teenagers), dont try for a committed relationship. Honesty is key. Move on. And cut your hair.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2009-06-17 12:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Go fuck yourself, or go die, or go fuck yourself and die. Also, suck my dick... or cock.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2009-06-17 12:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut the fuck up you emo little faggot and go play your xbox that mummy and daddy bought you for xmas.
congrats you have the gayest username on the site, and probably on the internet.
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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're a failure at relationships
you're a failure at posting pictures
and you're a failure at writing corehently
you're right, you've grown way too old already...end it now.
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Submitted by congo (user info) at 2009-06-17 09:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just awful.
------------------------------------
They're right you know.
------------------------------------------------
BTW I like Haikoo's decisive attitude. Sometimes I do that myself, just because it's a useful target to direct all that hate to. I think the therapy must be working.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-17 11:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(also you're a 'mo)
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2009-06-17 11:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This must remain on the front page, says I.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut the fuck up you emo little faggot and go play your xbox that mummy and daddy bought you for xmas.
congrats you have the gayest username on the site, and probably on the internet.
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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're a failure at relationships
you're a failure at posting pictures
and you're a failure at writing corehently
you're right, you've grown way too old already...end it now.
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Submitted by congo (user info) at 2009-06-17 09:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just awful.
------------------------------------
They're right you know.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut the fuck up you emo little faggot and go play your xbox that mummy and daddy bought you for xmas.
congrats you have the gayest username on the site, and probably on the internet.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2009-06-17 10:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're a failure at relationships
you're a failure at posting pictures
and you're a failure at writing corehently
you're right, you've grown way too old already...end it now.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2009-06-17 09:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just awful.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-17 09:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you die by snapping your spine whilst trying to suck yourself off.
You really are a pathetic cunt.
=---------------------------------
teh funny
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
most 'UGE picture on Uber I have ever seen
holy fucking hell man.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PlatinumScarecrow is also a retarded cunt.
Submitted by PlatinumScarecrow (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not to be an ass like the rest of these mongoloids, let it go. I've been through the same shit before, and when she says lets just be friends, it means that she already has someone else, and either A. She doesn't want anything to do with you and doesn't want to hurt you, or B. She still wants you around because you are comfortable, but you will always remain platonic.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you die by snapping your spine whilst trying to suck yourself off.
You really are a pathetic cunt.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You teenagers and 20-somethings are adorable.
Here's how to read women: Make sure they're scantly-dressed, and take them to a warm room or outside in the sun for a while. Then, rush them into a well air-conditioned room at like 60F or so. Wait abut 30 seconds. You can read them like Braille. It's one of the reasons I suspect there may be a God.
Submitted by trilaac (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh by the way, i haven't had sex in almost a month now. SO FUCK, I'm sexually frustrated. Angry masturbation is NOT the key! (And what couple doesn't have sex in a month!? AM I A FUCKING CHRISTIAN? GOD NO!)
My ex is turning 19 in about a month. we dated for 7 months (july-feb) and no sex... so up yours.
it takes half the time you were together to get over someone: never a truer word spoken, get over it and move on, you'll forget her as soon as you find someone else, trust me.
Submitted by AyeCarumba (user info) at 2009-06-17 08:01:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you cheated on her multiple times but now you're pissed that she whilst on a break she wants to try something new?
Fuck you man.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2009-06-17 07:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just choked on a bracket
Submitted by CarterPFly (user info) at 2009-06-17 07:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Youre pretty immature and relationship nieve for a 20 year old.
She wants you to Fuck off so do that and move on.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2009-06-17 06:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BORING + ENORMOUS PICTURE = EPIC FAIL
Dude, you're only a kid, you've got many years left ahead of you, fuck as many chicks as you can, if you're with one chick and fuck another, then she's clearly not the one for you. Eventually you may or may not come across one who you wouldn't fuck over and will do anything to keep happy.
Hint: She is the one to keep hold of.
I've been treating women like shit for the last 10 years, 31 chicks in 10 years, many of which during relationships with others, about 4 of which two at a time! Whoo!
Now i've found one who i would do anything for, I wouldn't even dream of screwing her over, the thought that she is last woman i will ever fuck MAKES ME HAPPY. We're expecting Sexualchocolate Junior on Jan 1st 2010, we have an extremely happy life together with our dogs and our bump and life couldn't be better.
Stick with it, have fun, enjoy yourself and you'll find one that you respect eventually.
Or you'll die old and alone with some wicked stories to tell the other hobos.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-06-17 06:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im ace at reading women, ten out of ten times i think they want me to fuck off.
ten out of ten times, IM RIGHT!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-06-17 06:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wise words from Drogo. Although I would have to amend that not even women understand women, they just pretend to understand women in the hope that it extends the limit on their credit cards and makes Jeremy Kyle last for an extra 15 minutes.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2009-06-17 06:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm a teenager having issues with relationships. I wonder how best to answer this cry for help?
To be honest you really do have to realise that, despite what the media and supposed popular opinion would have us believe, you are still nothing more than rather large children at the moment. Life is all about get togethers and break ups, and you really dont get to understand life until you have been through a good few of them.
I cannot believe that people your age really seriously want a full on completely monogamous relationship, unless you are deeply religious, let alone actually be ready for one. I know that some couples do meet early and it works and they live lives of constant bliss, but I just dont see it as a good and healthy thing.
We must try other sweets in the box to make sure that the one we thought we liked at first was really the right one. It's like picking out a ginger chocolate on your first try and going 'Hmm thats okay I can live with that' and walking away from the rest of the box that has the lovely gooey caramel center.
Basically dont worry and go out and enjoy yourself. and definitely stop whinging about it, especially to any male friends who are more than likely to just laugh at you too your face, or behind your back.
Oh and on a side note, only women understand women, and if we men were honest we would probably say we dont really need to understand them completely it removes all the fun of mis-communication.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-17 05:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hang on. preposition.
SEE WHAT YOU HAVE WROUGHT WITH YOUR IDIOCY
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-17 05:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aw, shit, I ended a sentence with a proposition
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-17 05:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are too young to know anything about anything, really. twenty? twenty is nothing. you feel "old?" fuck you.
my advice is this:
you cheated on her, and on her "break" I can guarantee she had sex with another dude. maybe more than one dude; probably she felt justified or wanted to get back at you or maybe she really did just want to try something new. but either way you're just gonna have to live with her choices and skate it off like a man, because unless the both of you actively try to make things work it's not going to. believe me, I've been there, done that.
actually I guess that's not really advice. just a running commentary. whatever. it's late. blow me.
Submitted by uncoordinated_ninja (user info) at 2009-06-17 05:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1. In 5 years you won't remember her name.
2. As long as you accept that everybody is crazy to some extent, and you know the limit you can put up with, you're fine.
3. If they have a vagina, rationality is tossed out the window.
4. You're 20, accept the fact you don't know shit and won't know shit for a while yet, STFU.
5. Enjoy the fact that someone will actually fuck you.
6. Quit sounding like a bitch.
There's my advice. And I'm really glad I didn't sound like you at 20, who the fuck wants to be in a relationship at 20?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2009-06-17 05:08:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"So when we started going out, it was 18 months ago. I fucked 2 different chicks and hid it from her about 6 months in."
---------------
Man, your life is awesome. If you're fucking all these chicks, what's there to complain about? The only thing after, "I fucked three chicks" should be a bunch of exclamation points or, in the case of situational comedies, a story about how you scheduled dates with all three of them on the same evening at the same restaurant.
Submitted by Graveyboat (user info) at 2009-06-17 05:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chalk it up to experience/character building/mistake and move on.
Submitted by moopy4u (user info) at 2009-06-17 04:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking photo is too big, my bad.
Let there be abuse. Just what i fuckin' need.